5,500-6,999 SparkPoints 6,032

My Shield and Armor

Friday, August 30, 2013

I realized today that I use my fat clothes as armor to sheild myself against others. While I was standing and waiting for my group, I was taking a look at the other teachers of all different sizes. Then I got to thinking about my clothing. I wear very baggy jeans (they were given to me) and have a very baggy shirt. I believe though, that I use that clothing to 1) Hide how big I am (although wearing big and baggy doesn't really help you look that much smaller.) 2) And to help me hide in the background. I wondered if one reason that I don't try harder is the fact that when I do start losing weight that people will eventually notice and talk to me. Although I really want to talk with people and connect somehow it also terrifies the pants off of me! :) What do I say, will I remember what they say? What will they think of my answers? What questions do I ask? It is easier to just fade into the background and want for all of that rather than to be in a "spotlight" (or even just on the stage) and end up having to interact with someone. (and to think that I used to be on stage in High School in starring roles no less....)

I don't know...this was just some thinking that I was doing this morning. I am writing this on my short lunch break and am very thankful that I am actually getting to say all of this before I forget.

I want to lose weight and it would be neat for others to notice, but I think I do worry about what they would think of me and how I would respond to their comments and questions. (good and bad....hopefully not the bad though). Then there is also that element of what if I get started really well, people notice and then I screw up. I fear those glances (I know this is all in my head...and if it isn't, those people aren't important.) that say to me, "See, I knew you couldn't do it."

I hope you all have a wonderful and relaxing 3 day weekend! :)
Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Why not take advantage of a counseling session so you can discuss these issues with someone who can look at the situation and help you sort things out. Counselors are trained to do that. I have had counseling about some other kinds of issues. When I was teaching, it was part of our health plan. We were encouraged to make use of that benefit.

    You might enjoy going shopping and buying something new. You can ask the sales ladies for advice. They are always happy to help.

    Read all the comments on this page again. Sparkers have some really good suggestions.

    DeAnne, Missourians Team
    1755 days ago
  • WALNUTT1961
    I do the same thing. My daughter tells me I buy my clothes too big. My clothes always seem tight around the middle!

    I am a shy person in a large crowd and better with one-on-one. You look great in your photos! You are doing great! Thanks for sharing. emoticon
    1755 days ago
    love what LOFLLAMA had to say - you don't look at others that way, and they definitely don't see you that way.

    I'm impressed with your self-awareness - I am working on that myself, recognizing my feelings and fears.

    I do think, knowing how hard you have worked, that you should reward yourself with a little shopping for things that fit!

    I should do the same - maybe I'll do that after the back to school expenses are past, and we can exchange photos in our new gear :)
    1755 days ago
    Oh, you so make me smile! What was the teacher on your left wearing??? What about your right??? Did you think OMG SHE's HUGE??? I Know you didn't! Was HE wearing a sweater or a shirt??? What color pants??? A watch??? Think about how much YOU think about THEM. Seriously, girl you spend way too much time in your own head! If you talked more you might think less! Teehee!
    1755 days ago
    Oh, my goodness, Linda!

    I had not visited your SP page &, from your words, I pictured you having some one or two hundred pounds to drop. I was totally surprised to realize that you are quite a slim & very attractive woman. I hope that truth sinks in with you!

    This old gal's advice - don't wear overly baggy clothing - it really does not hide anything & gives the impression of one not caring about their appearance. At the same time, I suggest that you don't wear tight fitting clothing, as that will surely accent each bulge.

    As far as what others think - please know that it doesn't matter (I wasted years being overly concerned with what others might think) - just be yourself & folks will enjoy your company.

    God bless you on your road to being all you can be!

    1755 days ago
    Nice sharing your moments. emoticon emoticon
    1755 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.