Thursday, August 29, 2013
fairly certain i am going to cancel my membership in spark people here soon. I track all my food and count my calories and do workouts and try to find energy to stay awake at work and lose a pound and half and gain in back and lose and gain counting calories the whole time, to the point that i feel like i am not getting enough calories, and i feel hungry all the time, and that makes me grumpy and unpleasant and tired all the time. then i try to relax and give myself some leeway some days while being stricter on other days and i gain weight four times faster than i can IMAGINE losing it. I don't know what I am doing wrong but i cannot stress out about this anymore, the stress itself is killing me. I have too many things to do in a day to keep freaking out about counting my calories and it is an utter motivation killer to count my calories and see myself GAIN weight when i am eating 1200 calories a day and feeling hungry ALL DAY.
just not going to give a shi anymore, no one else seems to care that i am so unhappy about my weight. the end. and sparkpeople really shouldn't tell me i don't have the right to use profanity in my own dam blog