So the last two weeks have been rough...

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

So the last two weeks have been rough...

I was rushing through trying to finish up at my job, “post-doc” in my old lab. I say that with quotes because I actually lost my benefits, started paying taxes, and getting paid less – which is the opposite of everyone else when they postdoc.

I just had a really negative last week there. I tried to convince my boss to keep paying me to write him a grant and the two papers we need to publish ASAP and then help with the other two papers the lab has in drafts... and he refused. He blamed his money situation, and then said stuff like “I have a giant mouse colony with nothing to do – we’re wasting money!” Yea, he’s bad at managing money. He has a 2000-3000 mouse colony that costs 4-6 thousand dollars a month to maintain. If he just reduced his colony down, without running useless experiments just because we have the mice... then he’d have more than enough money to pay me. Plus he’s keeping on a person who isn’t really producing any data... still working on the same project four years later... no paper... so they get paid but I don’t. And then the kicker, he kept coming in to see me and saying stuff like “well how did you screw up this interview?!” “What are you saying to make people not hire you?!” “You have to figure out what you’re doing wrong”

Gah! Everyone knows job hunting is hard. I’ve been looking since February. Seriously looking and applying since March... and nothing. The PIs now a days just don’t know what its like out there for someone graduating with a PhD in science. Sure there are job postings, but I don’t have experience, no one is willing to hire me to get experience, and the head hunters keep offering me jobs I’ve either already applied for, been turned down on, or you know... meterology or grinding corn third shift for $9/hr. I’m a Biochemist, and I can’t find even a masters level job that will hire me. I’ve applied to EVERYTHING at all sorts of levels of education just to try to get a foot in the door, and been rejected or heard nothing (mostly heard nothing). And then my current boss belittles me and tries to make it sound like I am doing something wrong.

Well f*ck him. He’s not my boss anymore. This was supposed to be my last week, but Friday I got an e-mail asking if I wanted to teach Intro to Biology on Monday! So as of yesterday I’m an adjunct faculty member. I’m only teaching one class and one lab, and have no idea how much I’m getting paid – but its experience. Its also at a University (a small one) – and even though I applied to community colleges and everything I could find – I’m teaching at a real University.

I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I’M DOING! At least its Intro to Biology for non-majors. I have quizzes to write, and students to teach. This is weird folks. My dad and boyfriend are supportive saying that it’s a foot in the door. My mom is negative and says I might have screwed up my chance at a full time job.

Being around my mom makes me crazy. She’s in full depression mode so anytime I can get her out of the house and dressed it helps – but it makes me crazy, and I’m also not her therapist... so its hard on me, but I know its good for her. I just have to sometimes lock myself upstairs in my bedroom at 28 (facepalm) – and try to have some peace and quiet. Last night I worked out a bit and lifted some weights. Today I want to do treadmill. I need to get my butt and legs in better shape.

Yesterday I started over on counting calories. I logged everything in MyFitnessPal and was under my calorie goal (they have a crazy low goal range). I specifically went shopping for foods that I knew I could combine into a healthy dinner. Hell I cooked three meals yesterday – so that’s better than the funk of eating out that I was in. Honestly I did a mini-food tour of Columbia before I left. I had a double bacon cheeseburger on Saturday.... so I’m cleaning up my act! Also TJ had the same.... but on a donut bun – fat kid day extraordinaire. We both need to clean up our acts again.

In other news, TJ went up to Chicago to see his cousin the jewelry designer... and designed my engagement ring... which is in some form of production... which I will get sometime in the future/near future... and once its on my finger we’re probably going to talk about eloping. He wouldn’t mind something simple... I wouldn’t mind getting married sooner rather than later... If I just had a job I wouldn’t mind so much. This whole limbo, I sort of have a job—job—but don’t know how much I’m getting paid thing—is just weird. I also still have to finish up my first author paper and get that submitted (to cancer research apparently) – then help with an elderberry paper – because I’m trying to beef up my CV as much as possible... so maybe it’s a good thing I’m not “working” full time. I say that, but I still have to read all of the stuff I’m forcing the kids to and write up quizzes. I’m in the “I feel guilty, I want everyone to do well” stage that will last until I see how lazy some of the kids are. I’m hoping since it’s a small school they will really try and actually do the reading and be prepared for lab... but then again – freshman, non-majors, and a lot of athletes, so I will see how it goes. Wednesday is my first lab! Eek!

So that’s it. I moved back to St. Louis officially. I’m out of Columbia. I sort of have a job. I am stressed out. BUT I am focusing on me and am trying to eat well (and track) and workout. TJ is really supportive and helpful, but he also tells me I’m perfect and have no flaws (so he’s biased as all get out). I’m trying not to beat myself up or obsess over how I feel I don’t look perfect... I’m also trying to kick baby fever... which is hard when everyone around me has cute babies and is telling me that “youre never ready” for a kid... oh well... I’m trying to check back in with everyone on here. I’ll try to be more present.

Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • RR1_RR1
    LOL what you don't want to grind corn? Yeah I figured it might not affect the managers salary -rolling eyes. Sounds cool about the teaching gig! Ive always wanted to be a teacher myself. Hope that works out. Never listen to mothers- mine is always a "toid" too. Ive coined that word for nega-toids lol.
    1695 days ago

    Comment edited on: 8/27/2013 9:22:39 PM
    Congrats on the teaching position!! It's definitely good to get the experience. It's an ugly cycle - they won't hire people without it, but you can't get it without being hired. I had the same problem in my field, which is a little no-nothing field compared to what you're involved in, haha. I can't imagine how crazy the competition must be.

    I've no doubt that you've got this.... even though just reading this blog made me a little tired. Lady, you deserve a spa day!!
    1696 days ago
  • CANDIK48
    Hang in there! As overwhelming as it feels, it's nothing you can't handle. Just break it down to individual bite sized pieces and you will triumph! Have fun with the teaching job! It's a great opportunity to excite an interest and a desire in someone else to learn. Your perfect job is out there, have patience and don't despair. It'll find you.

    Congrats on the ring, I'm sure it will be fabulous!
    1696 days ago
    So glad to see you back! You definitely have a lot going on with you, but you are super awesome and I know you can handle it. Congrats on the teaching job, it may not be exactly what you want, but experience will definitely help in the long run!

    Btw, what's your thoughts on the 12th?!
    1696 days ago
    I have to say I am terribley jealous of your teaching job. That is exactly what I want!! I am currently in the middle of my first post-doc interview at a lab at CSU that my bf rotated in, so we'll see. I don't even want to do a post0doc. Part of me hopes it will fall through, but I really need to get a job lined up..and finish writing.

    Also, congrats on the ring design!! My bf has talked about marriage and even more babies for years now (just had our 4 year anniversary), yet no ring. He'll make ridiculous and yet serious comments about me like stopping my birth control or having a baby within a year or two, and yet not even engaged. It drives me nuts, and sometimes we fight and I'm not even sure what I want. I accidentally saw a wedding band and engagement ring set (weird right) picture on his phone...maybe his mom set him the pic or friend? He freaked out when I saw it and took it away real fast thinking i didnt get a good look i think. It's superficial, i know, but I hope that wasn't for me, only because it was yellow gold which turns my fingers green... anyway grats!!! Also don't comment back publicly about this because sometimes he looks at my sparkpage =p

    eloping isn't a bad idea imho, think of all the money you would save. the only thing is my mom would be very hurt if i ever did that. there has to be an in between where you don't make such a big deal and spend so much money. my other deal is a i want a secular wedding, and have no idea how to go about that!

    your mentor is an ass, he should be helping you get a position, not yelling at you about it.

    lastly, what did you wear to your "interview" talks that you gave for postdocs? I'm starting to freak out about clothes.
    1696 days ago
    Being in limbo is so hard sometimes. Congrats on the teaching job! I hope that whether it leads to something else in teaching or another job altogether that it is perfect for you. It sounds like TJ is a keeper! Nothing like a guy who is supportive and thinks you are flawless! emoticon
    1696 days ago
    Congrats on the teaching position! That's pretty awesome! Take everything in stride. You've got this!
    1696 days ago
    UGH, your boss... sounds just like my old advisor...

    Congrats on the teaching job!! Hey, it's something, and in academia! I love teaching, I hope you find your stride! And yes, there will be lazy kids. LOL.

    WAIT. So the ring is being made? Doesn't that make you sort of engaged??? (like, because you already know about it!) OMG! Congrats. :)

    Hang in there with the living thing. It is HARD to live with parents again after being on your own, especially when one is so negative.
    1696 days ago
    Stay away from that awful ex boss and
    I wishI could say stay away from your negative mottherbut she'syour mother! Just change the subject when she turns negative or get up and say you thought you sawsomething out the window to get her attention off of negativity. Good luck, my friend, and let us know how things are going.
    1696 days ago
  • GRACE1054
    Wow! I got tired just reading your blog. You have a lot going on right now and all I can say is slow down, take a deep breath and remind yourself why you want to be healthy and fit. Focus on what you can do today to achieve one of your health and fitness goals.
    Good luck on the coming school year!
    1696 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.