Here I am in all my glory... 4 years ago. And here I am today...
Oops Wrong picture...
Still not ready to strut my stuff
It was a grand party!
My real self portrait - OK, I'm still working on getting there, but at least I am off my butt.
Sadly, it's three years later and I am just now realizing how much denial I am. My shadow still scares me, not to mention my real self. Somehow I thought I'd be wiser, smarter three years later, despite my blinders.
God smiles, patiently, still loving me. He knows I'll get there eventually.
OK, God. I'm beginning to realize it's a little difficult to get 'there' when I don't know what 'here' is.
Given the options of flight or fight, I have cowered, uncourageously.
I know all the right things to do. I've read the books, listened to therapists, seen the DVDs, read your blogs, and even given decent advice, based on all of that.
But I don't walk my talk.
There it is! I'm in tears as I see my own words... I-don't-walk-my-talk.
I've always blamed my ADD for not following through as my mind wanders from the tasks at hand toward butterflies and beautiful music.
The truth is ADD can be a bit challenging, but it is not the elephant in the room.
It does not stop me from taking baby steps, making a plan and then focusing on today's goals, choosing moderation over too much of anything.
I've been what I thought others wanted me to be for so long, a chameleon of sorts,. Truth? My need for safety is so strong, I have numbed out who I am, frozen, stuck.
No more hiding.
I need your help and especially your support.
Why is that so hard to ask for? Oh yeah - I wanted to play it safe, insulated, and alone - so much for that - Sigh
Time for me to...
come out of my shell.
Actually, I can do this.
Thank you for listening as I work my way through. 63 sounds like a challenging, doable year.
NOW It's time to