SUNSETINAZ

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63 - another year down; 41 years (or more) to go

Tuesday, August 27, 2013


Here I am in all my glory... 4 years ago. And here I am today...


Oops Wrong picture...
Still not ready to strut my stuff emoticon

emoticon emoticon to my emoticon emoticon
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
It was a grand party!

And then... emoticon



My real self portrait - OK, I'm still working on getting there, but at least I am off my butt.

Sadly, it's three years later and I am just now realizing how much denial I am. My shadow still scares me, not to mention my real self. Somehow I thought I'd be wiser, smarter three years later, despite my blinders.

God smiles, patiently, still loving me. He knows I'll get there eventually.

OK, God. I'm beginning to realize it's a little difficult to get 'there' when I don't know what 'here' is.

Given the options of flight or fight, I have cowered, uncourageously.

I know all the right things to do. I've read the books, listened to therapists, seen the DVDs, read your blogs, and even given decent advice, based on all of that.

But I don't walk my talk.

There it is! I'm in tears as I see my own words... I-don't-walk-my-talk.

I've always blamed my ADD for not following through as my mind wanders from the tasks at hand toward butterflies and beautiful music.

The truth is ADD can be a bit challenging, but it is not the elephant in the room.



It does not stop me from taking baby steps, making a plan and then focusing on today's goals, choosing moderation over too much of anything.

I've been what I thought others wanted me to be for so long, a chameleon of sorts,. Truth? My need for safety is so strong, I have numbed out who I am, frozen, stuck.


No more hiding.

emoticon I need your help and especially your support.
Why is that so hard to ask for? Oh yeah - I wanted to play it safe, insulated, and alone - so much for that - Sigh

Time for me to...


come out of my shell. emoticon Actually, I can do this.

Thank you for listening as I work my way through. 63 sounds like a challenging, doable year.

NOW It's time to emoticon
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • IMLOCOLINDA
    Your journey right now mirrors mine so much it's scary. Thanks for your honesty. I feel the same numbness and the same failure to walk the talk. I keep thinking if I spent more time doing instead of reading or thinking it would be done....but still I sit and read.
    2228 days ago
  • IMLOCOLINDA
    Your journey right now mirrors mine so much it's scary. Thanks for your honesty. I feel the same numbness and the same failure to walk the talk. I keep thinking if I spent more time doing instead of reading or thinking it would be done....but still I sit and read.
    2228 days ago
  • CANADIANFROG09
    emoticon to you. May you have many more! emoticon emoticon emoticon

    Love your blog, thanks for sharing! emoticon
    2247 days ago
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.
 

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