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and then she called me a fat *&%*@

Saturday, August 24, 2013

Yup, a woman called me a fat b***h. I did not actually hear her say that to me, but, unfortunately my VERY protective 9 year old heard it and he yelled at her to "shut your pie-hole". Yikes. I hustled him out of there and reminded him that, if there is arguing to be done with grown-ups, it will be me who does the arguing because I am pretty good at it, actually, and because it is not a 9 year old's place to argue with adults, no matter how foolish or rude they are, especially if I am standing right there. I told him it would be like me running onto the football field and throwing a down-block because I am afraid the other guy might get by him. I would look ridiculous, he would be embarrassed, and it's just not a good idea. So, why might someone call Miss Cannie a big, fat b....? It started when I walked into a business and a customer was spouting a loud, obnoxious political rant which pushed all my buttons. I may have suggested to her that her attitude could use some improvement, and I may have pointed out that what she loudly assured me several times was "the truth" was actually just her own opinion, and I may have laughed when she told me she could do a good job running the country, and it most definitely disintegrated from there. But, in my defense, I did not call her names, I was just pointing out to her that everyone does NOT agree with her so she might want to think twice before spouting off, loudly and negatively, in public. Anyway, I left and as I was leaving, she hurled her insult. When my 9 year old told me why he had yelled at her "But, Momma, she called you a fat B....." I told him, "honey, I know who I am and me being fat does not make me any less of a human being." He said, at this point, "you're not fat" but I told him that, in reality, I am fat and I am not in denial. I told him that when people run out of "intellectual bullets", this is what they do - they hurl insults about appearance. It's from the 5th grade handbook. This woman is also, apparently, of the school of thought that goes something like this: "I am not overweight therefore I must be attractive and I am definitely superior." Some overweight folks even believe this to be true of skinny people. I am not one of them. She was not attractive, she did not seem healthy, she certainly did not strike me as a superior human being -she just seemed skinny and angry with a big streak of lunatic. I will confess that, when my son told me what she had called me, I paused briefly and thought to myself "hmmm, is this one of those defining moments that will inspire me and I will wind up dropping 50 pounds and end up as a before & after story in a magazine, about 'how I lost the weight?' Nope. She didn't inspire me, she didn't make me feel horrible about myself, but the whole incident made me think seriously about my mouthiness. I will always be an opinionated, mouthy woman but I am going to have to temper it when Payton is with me. I don't mean to belabor this point but here are the facts. At 9 he is already huge - nearly 5'3", size 11 feet, and built like a brick wall. If he continues to grow like this, he will be quite huge. I have no intention of using him like a body guard but, the fact is, he has been protective of me since he has been a toddler. It does not matter how many times I assure him that I can take care of myself, or show him that I can take care of myself, he cannot STAND it when he thinks someone has mistreated me. My other sons, like most kids, also had this streak but it is more pronounced in Payton so I have to be the one to demonstrate more restraint. So, what could I have done differently? Turned around the moment I walked in and realized this woman was spewing nonsense that would irritate the emoticon out of me? I could have turned around, walked out, and waited to go in and conduct my business after she left. I probably would have thrown her a withering glance (not to brag, but I am really good at those) but I would not have put myself and Payton in a position of him hearing someone insult me in such a vulgar, sophomoric fashion and he would not feel compelled to defend my honor.

On a side note, I really AM sick of being fat but fat I am. I was at the doctor's office, for my messed up ankle/foot/leg and I heard a name from my past. It was a former "luvah" emoticon . I hadn't seen him since we were both in our 20's, when he was gorgeous and I was pretty cute myself (pretty easy when you are in your 20's) and now, here I sat, fat. Did I race out of the room before he could turn around and see me? Nope. No racing for me with torn ligaments, tendons, and whatever else is going on in there, anyway. Plus, it isn't like I am now mid-50's and he stayed frozen at 29 and gorgeous. He is also in his 50's and he has his own weight gain going on, which does not detract from his handsomeness, by the way. I said hello, he was happy to see me, we had a friendly chat, and, when the nurse called my name, I hobbled on by, hoping he would not look at my @$$ and remember when....but knowing he would. Oh, well. When we were talking, the subject of our kids came up and I mentioned my oldest, whom he knew as a kid, was now 38. He remarked on how much that dated us, how old we are now. I said "at least we are still here". We both know many people who did not live to see their 50's and would probably like to be here, no matter how they looked. That is exactly how I feel. Yes, it stinks to be fat but there are a whole lot of conditions that are worse than being fat, despite our society assuring us that NOTHING is worse than being fat.

So, I am fat AND hobbled (both are, hopefully, temporary conditions). The doctor wants me in a boot for two weeks, then to acupuncture, and then physical therapy. While I was being fitted for my boot, an elderly couple came in. They were holding hands and when they sat down, they sort of snuggled in together, talking companionably, with the husband doting on the wife, who was struggling physically. It was adorable. They were adorable. Of course, me being the mouthy, opinionated woman that I am, I told them how adorable they were. We had a nice chat. They asked about my injury, and expressed their concern, and gave me some suggestions. They were lovely. They were just what I needed to see - pure love and sweetness. My husband and I are in a period of discontent and strife. I am willing to bet this lovely old couple experienced their times of stress and strife, too. But here they are, 59 years into their marriage, and they were the picture of love and devotion. They hung in there together. They did not give up. I needed them to remind me of the power of hanging in there, of not giving up. emoticon
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    What a great blog Carole. So many aspects of life were addressed. I think people really show their ignorance when, in a verbal argument, they have to resort to the easy "fat" insult. And sometimes skinny people feel superior to us just because we weigh more. That is sad. And yet I used to feel inferior to the whole normal sized world.

    I just feel jealous when I see those older couples at the doctor's office or out shopping. That us what I wanted and partly why I lost weight so Du and I could enjoy a long happy retirement.

    Could I offer a suggestion-I normally don't give advice. But if you could imagine yourself alone in life w/o your hubby by your side, how would you feel? I think it might make you appreciate him and what you have together more. I know this diagnosis hanging over our heads has made my Du oh so dear to me. Our relationship is so full and rich and loving, better than it's been in years. The fear of loss changes everything doesn't it? And it isn't all bad really.
    1753 days ago
  • DAISY443
    OK, I appreciate and applaud the fact that you are mouthy and opinionated, but in this day and age with people unafraid to use weapons, discretion may be the better part of valor! As far as the "fat b*tch" part, it had nothing to do with your size or attitude, it was her poor opinion of humanity that allowed her to say such a thing! This kind of person does not deserve our consideration!
    1759 days ago
    Ugh!!! You are a better person than me. I am very outspoken myself so I know I would not be able to take that insult lying down. However, as outspoken as I am, I would never get into a political discussion with a stranger. I try to avoid confrontation. And any time politics is involved, confrontation tends to follow. So, you should just walk away from volitale people like that. Life is too short for that nonsense. That being said, "I'm sorry". I'm sorry that person (actually let's call her creature) I'm sorry that creature hurt you. You didn't deserve that. No one does. Especially not in front of your child. BTW, your child is a good boy! I'm proud of him.
    1761 days ago
    Awww, that older couple sounds so sweet. Glad you had a nice chat with them. And with the old flame. Your son sounds pretty great, even if kids probably shouldn't really yell at's kind of awesome that he did that. :) I hope my upcoming sons love their mama as much as yours love you!

    Hope your foot heals up fast!
    1761 days ago
    Great blog as usual!! Hope your injury is better soon!
    1761 days ago
    Being a teacher, I've heard that same insult hurled at me many times. I just think to myself, "Someday I'll just be a stupid b**ch or a white b**ch or an ugly b**tch... won't that be nice!!" LOL So I agree that was a juvenile remark because I have the same remark said to me by 5th graders. But I feel your pain because I HATE when people spout political crap in public. I wish I was mouthy like you in those situations, but I usually just roll my eyes and try to leave as quickly as possible.

    I can identify with you on the "strife and discontent" you are feeling with your husband. Before the baby, my husband and I were your typical hand-holding, vomit-inducing couple. Now everything he does annoys the he!! out of me. I hope this will pass! I try to be nice but it's sooo hard when I feel stressed and sleep-deprived all the time. emoticon
    1762 days ago
  • PHOENIX1949
    An explanation of B * * * H that I like is:

    Babe In Total Control of Herself


    1762 days ago

    Comment edited on: 8/25/2013 4:40:35 PM
    Wow, an exciting outing! Although maybe inappropriate, kudos for the shut the pie hole comment from your great defender! I have heard people resort to the fat insult, it always amazes me because one can lose weight, but they can't ever get class!

    A great blog (duh, they always are)!
    1762 days ago
  • OOLALA53
    OMgosh, that incident with the woman was hilarious! It reminds me of a time I was walking down the street several years ago with a high school friend who had always been heavier than I was and I was called "the fat one" by a street person. It didn't destroy me, either. And it wasn't what galvanized me. I think of it as funny now. I survived being called just about the worst thing you can be! And I'm not the fat one anymore. But I still have problems with my big mouth.
    1762 days ago
  • UNICORN212
    Another possible reaction (even if you are not a praying person) is to smile and tell them that you will pray for them. It kind of shuts them up. They often do not know how to respond to that.

    I hope the ankle and foot heals well and quickly!
    1762 days ago
  • DEE1221
    You have to let those mean spirited people be the ignorant people that they are and cherish the people you come across that show love and caring, like the older couple.

    You would think with all the bad news in the world, the bullying, the shootings, and so many other bad things, people would look at their own behaviors and want to do better for themselves.

    Oh well, I guess we will never change the world, but I think you, other Spark People, and I can walk with our heads held high.
    1762 days ago
  • CANNIE50
    A commenter pointed out that I reacted to the "fat" part of the insult, rather than the "b...h" part. Well, "b....h" is often used to describe a woman who refuses to acquiesce and who isn't afraid to make waves, so I consider it a back-handed compliment. Plus, I am not a "" in the traditional use of the word because I am not, by nature, a mean and nasty person so that part of her insult just rolled right off me. "Fat" hit me because it IS my struggle and because it is true.
    1762 days ago
    Yikes! Your Payton is definitely going to be a big man. It's good he's such a sensitive, loving young man! Much to YOUR influence. Payton sounds like my son . . . he wasn't that tall, but was in size 11 shoes @ age 9 as well. I always teased him, he looked like a pair of walking shoes! Your Payton is going to be a force to be reckoned with in the future. He is such an observant, kind young man. And a fierce protector of Mama!

    I think it's wonderful that he recognizes bullying when he sees it and stands up to it! TOOO MANY just either participate or sit on the side lines and do nothing. But, as you said, in this situation it is best left for adult-to-adult confrontation if need be. She sounded like she was a winged dingbat! You can't change that situation that he was exposed to, but you handled it just right. You showed him that you could take care of yourself, even in the face of such a butt nugget (as MY DD would say). Just a brick short of a load!

    Interesting how things work out meeting people from the past. I think you're right . . . at least we're still here, no matter what.

    Awwww, that couple you described in the Drs. office sounds exactly like my parents. I hope I have that when I'm married 59 years! We will celebrate 25 yrs. in November. Definitely had the ups and downs, but that's what happens in ANY relationship because we're not all the same. So clashes will happen. **SIGH** But if we keep lines of communication open and work through it, it makes our relationship stronger.

    Have been reading lots of Deepak Chopra and the bottom line is trying to see things through anothers eyes sometimes. Changes our perspective. Easy? HECK NO!!! But if you can do it, sure makes life a little easier when you can.

    HUGS my dear one. You ARE beautiful inside and out. NO hiding that. And special hugs yet again for your precious Payton. I just feel it in my bones that he is destined for great things. GREAT things in life.

    1762 days ago
    I am so sorry that you were subject to that ridiculous insult. I am so sorry that your son was present.

    But: you handled it BRILLIANTLY!

    Talk about "teachable moments". You get the gold star, yes you do!
    1762 days ago
    It's interesting that she called you a b**ch, but you focused on the "fat" part. You were arguing with someone who was angry, always a losing proposition, and she piled on adjectives. Would you have been happier if she had just called you a b**ch? When my father was on a rant about someone, he would always add at the end "And besides that, you'se UGLY!" Which dissolved us all in laughter. When people are angry, they say anything they think will make themselves feel better. I have learned (the hard way) that if I don't engage with them at all, just move away, the situation for me will just be something to tell the family at dinner, then be forgotten the next day.
    1762 days ago
    I think you did very well given that your son was there . However, she would have gotten more of my opinion after that. I am not an angry person but I am tired of people thinking they are entitled to use that word fat like a dagger to my heart. Kudos on your great attitude and hope your foot is better soon. Good luck on the marriage issues. emoticon
    1762 days ago
    1763 days ago
    Wow - I am trying to imagine myself starting to argue with any person who had a lot of stupid opinions - nope! Not for my life. And it is not soimething I think is constructive either but I would love to be able to do it just to see how it was!

    If that would happen and my daughter was with me - she would probably die from embarassment...

    Good blog, gave me a lot to think about and it has a very nice feeling of strenght and wamth in it so thanks for writing!
    1763 days ago
    I applaud your remaining civil and level headed in dealing with crass rudeness. Sounds like a lot of rehab for your ankle. Hang in there and the weight loss will follow. emoticon
    1763 days ago
    What a lovely blog! I think your sons learned to stand up for you and themselves by watching YOU! emoticon
    1763 days ago
    Wow... you really handled yourself well with that rude obnoxious woman.... and with your Son also. I had to smile about the old luvah you ran into at the doctor's office. I recently went to my 40th reunion and ran into an old beau. He has been married three times and isn't currently married. Had lots of problems with drugs and even contemplated suicide. Seems I dodged a bullet there ... but he still look cute! lol


    1763 days ago
    Great blog!
    1763 days ago
    Yes hang in there. Your weight loss will come in time but that other woman will probably still be the same rude woman. My husband and I have been reading a book called Married For Life - Inspirations from those married 50 years or more. Each day has a short reading with words of wisdom from a different long time married couple. We are enjoying it and learning some things also.
    1763 days ago
    First things first...I KNEW I loved that kid!!! Shut your pie! My kids were and ARE insanely protective of me. I like it! But I see your point with the sheer size of him. I think you did exactly the right thing.

    What a crazy a$$, THAT LADY WAS!

    IM sorry youre hurting. I know how much that messes up your life. My knees and back have been horrible lately.

    You know I always have your back, be it more padded or not! I love you and I love your blogs and I love your kid and I love that you talked to that cute older couple. We indeed will hang in there...
    1763 days ago
    Great blog! I truly admire your thoughtfulness and positive attitude, as well as your concern for setting a good example for your son. And the older couple do sound adorable! I hope your leg heals up soon!
    1763 days ago
  • LKS2GAB2
    There are a lot of lessons to be learned from this blog. Thank you for sharing.
    1763 days ago
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