Third time's a charm...

Thursday, August 22, 2013

Well here I am...third time around the Spark block, over 200 pounds once again, and feeling like crap...again.

But my pain is great enough that I'm ready for a change once again. None of my clothes fit, I hate what I see in the mirror, and I feel out of control...Again.

I don't know why I insist on thinking that once I get to a certain point where I feel comfortable in my skin, I can just go back to doing what I was doing. I guess I get to a point where I just get tired. Tired of counting calories, tired of exercising, tired of ordering the chicken and a salad off of a restaurant menu...just tired.

So I say SCREW IT! I eat what I want, I lay on the couch like a slug, quit wearing a pedometer and pretend like I don't care. And maybe for a minute I really DON'T care. For a while it feels freeing. Like I can just do and eat what ever I want...but it winds up being not just for a day, but days, weeks, months, and then SURPRISE, I'm back up to 200 pounds again.

It's this vicious hamster wheel I've been stuck in pretty much my whole life. I guess I am going to have to gain some acceptance that as much as I am an addict and cannot step away from the program of Narcotics Anonymous, I can not step away from eating right and exercising.

I mean I can always blame it on the fact that I broke my toe and got out of my groove...last October....lol. I can always blame it on the fact that I had surgery...in June. I can always blame it on the fact that I quit smoking...a month ago. But I'm going to keep it real and get honest and tell you that I just get complacent and lazy.

As always I come crawling back on my hands and knees to Spark...this time praying I don't quit 5 minutes before the miracle happens...this time hoping I can actually finish what I start.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    You quit smoking???? That's HUGE! Congratulations!

    You've got this.
    2822 days ago
    Good to see you. I wish you all the best!
    2822 days ago
    WOW, Tee! You are SO courageous to step out here and put it out here and JUST.DO.IT. Really it's all we can do. Your blog is so clear and direct and full of wisdom. You have it figured it out and you WILL "get it" this time...the maintenance conundrum...I can feel it in my bones!

    So happy to have you beside me/us in this quest for well being and optimal health!!!
    2822 days ago
    Welcome back!!!! Remember, the only real failure is if you quit trying!!! :-)
    2822 days ago

    It's good to see you here again. You are such a wonderfully strong woman and I know you can do this. If you need to send me some more games to play to help keep your hand out of the cookie jar, feel free to do that. Scramble here we go! Whooping me all the time in that just has to help you feel good sometimes.

    emoticon emoticon
    2823 days ago
  • BOBBYD31
    i fully understand every single word you say. you give hope and inspiration on my journey too, time to find our spark!!!!!!!!!!!!! but the way you are a true inspiration for me, you are a such a strong person

    2823 days ago
    WELCOME BACK! I am also familiar with the hamster wheel of feeling better and then gaining weight and forgetting good habits. I have made myself commit to spark people for the past year and over time. At first I just came to the sight and gradually I've added tracking ,blogging, interacting and it has really helped! Together we can do this!
    2823 days ago
    Third times the charm, I'm sure!

    Besides.... THAT DRESS!!!!!!! emoticon
    (Not to mention all of the darn pictures that will be scrapbooked!)

    So starting tomorrow, we will text each other our cardio, ST or whatevs!
    K?!?! emoticon
    2823 days ago
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.

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