Day 34 - Learning So Much
Thursday, August 22, 2013
For the first time since 2006 I feel like I'm getting my drive and desire back. I'm able to push myself and yet not get too obsessive (just a little) and see results. I feel strong and able and much more confident. Mostly I feel like I can trust myself. This is a big thing because for most of my life I've had to be the policeman treating myself like a criminal. That is soooo EXHAUSTING!
I am faithful to logging food and what I have learned is that if I stay mindful, even while eating less nutritious foods and eating with friends that EAT AND EAT, I can relax and enjoy because I will eat more than usual but I always seem to stop naturally at 2160 calories! No lie, each time I went out with friends and tasted a few more things than I planned, when I came home and logged the calories they were always the same! It is a combination of mindfulness and a sensation of getting more full than usual. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not going to go nuts with this but it makes me relax and enjoy life more knowing that my body knows and I can depend on it as long as I stay MINDFUL.
I tend to burn over 2300 calories per day according to my Fitbit. I actually think that is lower than the truth. Fitbit told me I was eating over a week's time too little in comparison to what I was burning. SP said I was on target. My weight loss had slowed and in social situations I was really tempted and hungry. I noticed every time I went out and ate more, in a day or two I lost a pound. I lost weight on vacation too. I think this is like Slingshot week for you Carb Cyclers. LOL. So I increased my calories by 150 and instantly lost all the water weight I was holding and lost another pound and feel better. 150 really isn't much but obviously it made a difference. It is another snack or a little bit more at each meal.
Since I won't be blogging for a while, I'm going on vacation again, I want to mention one more thing I learned. My family has always been focused on my weight and how often I get sick. In my 20's I was diagnosed with Lupus. Then I got Lymphoma. Chemo put the Lupus in remission and left me with Fibro type symptoms. Too much stress or exercise even and I get fevers and pain all over and even hives. Much of my family has had nasty things to say about my weight and the fact that I have to be more careful with my lifestyle. Frankly, I am not happy about my immune system but it does keep me making healthy choices so in the long run it may not be an awful thing.
Since my recent little weight gain a few family members gloated on my larger pant size. They also mentioned how I changed jobs just because it was "too physical". (Yeah I did because I wore the cartilage down on one knee from squatting and kneeling and 3am inventories were making me sick as a dog.) I used to hear what they would say and think they were right because THE MASSES SAID IT WAS TRUE.
What I figured out was truth doesn't come in the form of judgment and snide comments. Truth comes from kind conversations and involvement and concern. Judgment is always about the other person. Perhaps they wish they had the ability to make better choices or the freedom to choose based on their body's needs. I am lucky I can do that. I don't have 4 hungry kids at home that would starve if I switched jobs. But then again I don't have those kids because of my life situation.
In other words, judgment is not love and it is not kind. It isn't nice to do to others or yourself. This seems like a lot of stuff to learn from an online community but it is true. The time here has helped me focus on what is working and healthy in all facets.
It is amazing what you can learn in 34 days with a little effort (OK a lot of effort) and focus.