HEALTHYASHLEY
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Start Stop Start Stop....Start

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

This is the last 2 years of my life with SP after the lose of 94 lbs and regain of close 60. The great baby convo coincided with my first week back to tracking. I have decided to let go and move on from the pain of the regain. Enough punishing myself. Enough hiding from it. Enough coming on SP and making false promises and then disappearing in shame. Start stop start stop. I am determined to just track honestly and stop punishing myself. I am not perfect but I am honest. So that is what I will be. Honest with myself completely.

What I learned in the last week. I was WAY underestimating my caloric intake and my mindless eating. Which shockingly was how I got over 300 lbs the last time. I had returned to drinking a lot of calories and sugar. Still not back to soda but chocolatey coffee drinks are a weakness. To the tune of a few a day.

Each day has been a struggle. To make better choices or to eat enough. I tend to go to the opposite extreme and restrict when I am tracking. It feels good to be taking responsibility again. Time to make this my last start and never stop.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • MADEMCHE
    Proud of you. I will be right here tracking and doing it with you, we can do this!
    2290 days ago
  • LUCKYDOGFARM
    Come On Ashley! Youve been there, don't that and don't need to go back! Just keep plugging along forward! GoGirl!
    emoticon
    2298 days ago
  • ADVENTURESEEKER
    Big hugs to you! BTDT. It sucks, but the best thing is that you are not giving up! You can be back to where you were before you know it!
    2299 days ago
  • PURPLEVALENTINE
    We have all done it. Been all in it then run away. We just have to keep coming back and moving forward. I am also guilty of those yummy coffee drinks - they are addicting!
    2299 days ago
  • JAMJOJAM
    Thank you for your wonderful honest post. I am walking in your same shoes. I had lost 65 pounds and have now regained 45. I just told myself I was tired of counting everything I eat but I am even more tired of being fat again. You have given me back my motivation and I am gonna start trackin. emoticon
    2299 days ago
  • COOKWITHME65
    So glad to have you back Ashley!!!! I have missed you.
    2299 days ago
  • GIRANIMAL
    I really need to get back to tracking myself, because I know I am way underestimating my overeating, and frankly I am damn lucky I've gained back only roughly 10 pounds.
    2299 days ago
  • BLYNN710
    Ashley,

    You can do this! I myself have been somewhat lacking around here and am working toward fixing that. Know that there are people here who support you and will not judge your slips (we all have them). Hang in there and see all the positive around you.

    Welcome Back!
    2299 days ago
  • GRACEISENUF
    emoticon , YES WE CAN!

    emoticon emoticon
    2299 days ago
  • TONYATIME
    Welcome back! You can do this, we are all in this together!!!!
    2299 days ago
  • ME_FIRST
    Love it. Very serious hair.
    2299 days ago
  • OJIBWEEQUAY
    I agree! I gained almost 20 back ! I lost 5 and on to the next 15! i ALWAYS eat so much! blah! damn mochcas anyway! emoticon
    2300 days ago
  • MELLYBEANS0919
    I will happily support you Ashley. I always have admired your honesty. I understand how sweet drinks can add up in calories and be oh so tempting and tasty. Here for you!
    2300 days ago
  • HIPPICHICK1
    I have to say that if I don't track I also lose track of what I've eaten in a day. I didn't track while on vacation, thought I ate modestly, had two treats and came home with 5 extra pounds! I lost four of them in a week. Weigh in is tomorrow to see if the last pound (or more!) is gone.
    I have been on Spark 5 years now and I really think that the best tool is the Nutrition Tracker.
    Congrats on thinking about a baby and making that happen by starting and never stopping.
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2300 days ago
  • ROCKMAN6797
    emoticon
    2300 days ago
  • LEANNROCKS
    Ashley, a real friend encourages, a real friend does not judge. Keep coming back - especially on those days when you feel you need to be carried. We love you!

    A positive note, think about the money saved by giving up those caffeine drinks - money put to great use for your dream!

    emoticon
    Lynne
    2300 days ago
  • NANHBH
    Ash,

    I read a poster today --

    Losing weight is hard.
    Being overweight is hard.
    Choose your hard.

    You are so worth being healthy. Keep the baby goal vivid in your mind! You won't want to be drinking a lot of sugary coffee drinks while pregnant, so no better time to give them up than the present! Keep up the good work. I know you can do it.
    emoticon emoticon
    Nancy
    2300 days ago
  • EDDYMEESE
    The "leaving in shame" is easy to do. Just remember there is no judgement here and if someone does judge you, you can just ignore them :) Sometimes I feel like my blogs get so down and negative - I want to be a happy, positive, weight-losing person and when I'm not...I feel like a burden to fellow SPs so I just stay away. But you know, I'm not here for anyone but myself. So maybe I complain a lot on my blogs. Maybe I'm not losing 20 pounds a month. Sure, I've been here 7 years and have never gotten to my goal weight...start stop start stop, right?

    Just stay here and it'll all fall into place with enough hard work. I believe it!
    2300 days ago
  • HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE
    Good for you Ashley, I know you can do it! *HUGS*
    2300 days ago
  • PATJOONWW
    Welcome back! I too have done the start stop thing and I am darned tired of it. This time I am doing it forever, good bad ugly days I too will still log in my food. This way I will disgust myself into really seeing the damage I am doing to myself.

    Congrats on starting, we can do this.

    emoticon Pat
    2300 days ago
  • GIANTMICROBE
    I have to track because I ALWAYS eat more than I think I am eating, and I always *think* I need more food than I actually do.

    When I lost weight in 2011 I was SHOCKED at how much I needed to eat versus how much I wanted to eat.

    You can do this!
    2300 days ago
  • FRUITYFUL
    What matters most is that you're still trying. I've been there, done that, and I've left Spark out of shame too. But, there is not one person on this site who has not done the same thing and this is the best place for support. Welcome back!
    2300 days ago
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.