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Social Fears

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

We all have them. Some to a bigger degree than others.

I find that, as I get older, I have fewer issues with being outgoing. I used to be a person that had a really hard time talking to anyone, and this was when I was fairly skinny. All through my teen years and 20's, I had a fair amount of anxiety dealing with anyone. I was all about "am I really worth it"?

During the same time, I was also about "If they don't like me for who I am, then they won't like me."

I still have that second thought, but am more outgoing toward people. I can easily have random conversations with people that I just met. I don't fear people anymore because I know they will have their opinions of me, no matter what I do, so I will go out in the world and be me, allowing the people who gravitate toward me do so at their own leisure.

This may seem self-centered, and it probably is, but when a person has confidence in who they are, then people with similar values will gravitate toward you. Confidence is something that needs to be worked on. You may be stuck in the thought that body image equals your self worth. This is never true, no matter what you look like.

You may be the biggest person you know, or you may feel like you need to be air-brushed before you go out, both examples show low self-worth. When you feel the need to hide before leaving your door, you'll never make it.

You can gain self-worth though. People don't pay attention to what you look like as much as you'd think. Only the people who have low value to themselves will hang onto the negative things about others. They're not worth listening to. Negative people will just create more negativity. When you lessen your exposure to negative people, it makes it easier to work on the positive things about you.

You can look in the mirror and see past the "ugly" things. There is beauty in yourself and it's deeper than your skin. You may have seen the most skin beautiful person, then heard them speak just to find out how ugly they truly are with prejudices toward everyone. You may also have overlooked truly beautiful people because you only looked skin deep at them.

When you look past your mirror and see what you really have to offer the world, you can see how beautiful you are. What do you have to offer the world? Are you kind? Do you do your work efficiently? Are you a good parent? Do you cook well? There is always something you are good at and you can start with that one thing and move onto other things you are good at.

The most beautiful people see themselves as worth helping others instead of hindering them. When you go out into the world, you'll see people who need the help, when it's easy for you to help others, they'll see you as kind and remember you for your actions. (People will see you for being a jerk also, I still remember one guy who had nothing good to say to his girlfriend all through the store, then when she wanted to donate to the local food shelf, he went off on a rant about how everyone should have to take care of themselves, no matter what. I hope he never loses his job and becomes homeless because he'll become what he is against, but I feel that he's be the first to beg for a roof and, after a week of starving, food too.)

Stop comparing yourself to others. There is only one you and if you're not being you, then who is? When you're not being you, then who are you being?

So go out there and be your best you. You may feel like you can't right now, but if you fake it, one day it will be something you do naturally because you will have gained the self-esteem you need to wander the world. Practice makes perfect, and this is true with practicing your social fears too.

Today's Holidays: National Radio Day, National Chocolate Pecan Pie Day and Lemonade Day (although I don't suggest the two together, that just doesn't sound like it would taste good together).
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I find when I'm in this weird self-conscious zone, I'm at my most self-centered. It seems like a contradiction, but for me, it's not. Too much thought on how I look, or how I feel, or if I'm comfortable or if I am confident. Bah-- too much ME. Bottom line, regardless of how I look or feel, when I focus on others, I'm much less SELF-conscious and closer to the kind of person I want to be, regardless of my exterior.

    Very thought-provoking post.
    1706 days ago
  • BRENDA_G50
    A long time ago, I use to care about what other people thought of me. Then it dawned on me, that as long as I liked the person looking back at me when I looked in the mirror, that's all that mattered. Some people will always think negative things about you, whether they're true or not. But, if they take the time to really get to know you, they discover what a great person you really are. It really doesn't matter what other people think of's what I think of myself. Hence, my favorite saying is: "To thine own self be true."
    1708 days ago
  • WILDKAT781
    1708 days ago
  • GRAMMY7070
    We are often our own worst enemy. Let's find something we like about ourself and share it with others. I feel I am a good cook. I also have a great smile and patients have told me they like coming to the clinic knowing my smile will be waiting for them. We all have something we can brag about. Come on let's hear it.
    1708 days ago
    Lots of good points here!
    1708 days ago
  • CHERYLA2012
    Love this!
    1708 days ago
    I'm to the age where I don't particularly care what other people think about me. I like me and my friends like me, so the opinion of others is just their opinion and doesn't change how I feel about myself. Just as I don't like some people, some people are not going to like me, and that's okay with me.

    1708 days ago
    I used to be very shy when I was younger, from low self-esteem. But now I know that others need a shoulder to lean on or an ear to lend. I'm very good at that, so I know no matter what, I have something to offer. I may not be the smartest and definitely not the prettiest, but I'm a good listener and a good cheerleader to others, and that's good enough for me.
    I always look askance at anyone who says they wish they were younger. I just remember how insecure we all felt. How we felt so much less than others. And that included the popular and the beautiful! I like feeling good about myself and my uniqueness. And I can embrace others' uniqueness, too.
    Hopefully we're getting better as we age. Who knew?

    1708 days ago
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