TINYRN2011
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Self-sabotage

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

I did it again. I really am my own worst enemy.

Monday started off poorly. The alarm went off at 0500 with me having had a very restless night. I ate a healthy breakfast (which in retrospect should have been a bit larger; it was around 150 calories.

Work was fine, but shorter than planned since two patients cancelled. I was home by about 1230 and made a health salad with a few ounces of chicken. I was exhausted and hot (it was very humid and about 95). I ate my salad, and then went to the bag of pita chips that I should never have bought. I devoured half the bag (it was a large bag). Then I ate a mini ice-cream cone.

I dozed on the couch for a bit and didn't do much of anything the rest of the day.

How could I have gone from such a high the morning before? I had weighed myself on Sunday as usual, and I am now 9 pounds lighter! I went out to dinner that night and ate mindfully and even had a drink and still came in within my calorie range! So what changed?

I feel that in the deepest recesses of my mind, I am afraid to reach my goals! It's a pattern I've had throughout my life, and not just weight loss/exercise related endeavors either!

I know one day of bad choices isn't the end, but I've been here on SP for almost 2 months now, and have been using SC almost as long. Shouldn't I have learned something by now?

Enough ranting. I am back on track today. I got up and even though I didn't want to, I went for a walk/jog before it gets too hot. I will strive to eat healthier today and the last of those pita chips are going in the trash as soon as I stop writing this!

I know I can do this, sometimes it's just hard to really believe it!

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • BEGINNINGTOBEME
    Congratulations on not letting on non-perfect day throw you off for a second or third day! We have all been there, but it a huge accomplishment to see the long-term goal despite a short-term disappointment. Keep it up, Super-Nurse!
    1882 days ago
  • CANDIK48
    I feel your pain! In the past, I would start out all gung ho to get "there" and then sometimes months, sometimes weeks into the journey, I would stumble down and stay there until I reclaimed some of what I lost. Then I would get back up, dust myself off and do it all over again. Fear of getting there is big for many. For me, I think it was about not having a direction in part of my life. But I finally realized that staying there is also a direction, a motivation and a goal as well. So, this time I started, I made the commitment to not give up and to not quit until I get there. And once I do, the journey to stay there begins. I'll never have to feel like I don't have a goal. That thought is comforting to me.
    1883 days ago
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.
 

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