Something happened the other day that helped me realize that for the past 55 years many of the things I did were to please others. From the cut of my hair, to grades in school, to in some cases my appearance! Wow! Is this really what I had been doing??
Yes, I lost weight for myself. But there was also that little voice in the back of my brain thinking that finally I would have my parents approval. It's not that they don't love me-don't get me wrong there. But no matter what I have done in my life, it never seems to have been quite enough. And so, I ate. They didn't say a thing about that. Didn't seem to really notice.
And then one day I took a good look in the mirror and didn't like the person or the body I saw looking back at me. I new I needed to lose weight especially with my family history of heart attack, stroke and cancer. So I took the first step and bought an exercise DVD. Only catch was that I needed a food tracker and there wasn't anything except a couple of sites they recommended - one was Spark People. Guess what, I joined Spark and sold the exercise DVD!
For the next 2 1/2 years I lost weight, then would gain a bit back. Then our gym got a trainer and I became totally serious about losing weight. Suddenly things really started moving. I felt better, my clothes were almost falling off at one point!
But unless someone said something, I didn't really notice.
Around February, I fit into my first pair of "normal" size jeans in over 15 years! What a great feeling. Then in May I went to Walmart and tried on a size 14. Imagine my shock when they fit. My smile didn't get wiped off my face for two days! But there was still that little voice saying "Am I good enough now?"
Guess what? I am damn good enough. I have lost 57.4 pounds since May 8, 2010! I have gone from a size 20W to a size 14! I can exercise, not having to use my inhaler (I have asthma), workout 3 times a week, can do a 5K in 48 minutes 3 seconds (and getter faster), and to top everything off I'm working with my trainer to start running!! How is that for being good enough??!! Only took me 55 years to figure it out.
Sometimes it takes a comment that makes you really angry to see that you were good enough all along. To make you see what was right in front of your own two eyes. That the only person I needed to please was me.
My eyes are wide open and I like what I see. I still have a ways to go, but you can bet I am going to get there on my own two legs, self esteem, guts and lots of hard work! Will I still stress eat sometimes - yes. But will I let it stop me - NO!!!! I will succeed. I am worth every minutes I spend getting there and it feels good to finally realize this. There is a huge world out there and world here I come.