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Proud of my chicken wings

Sunday, August 18, 2013

Yesterday afternoon during yoga class, I had a Moment.

While upside down and twisted into a yoga pose, I found myself face to face with my left elbow - and a close-up view of what my post-weight loss upper arm looks like when affected by gravity.

My first thought was "eeeuuuwww". And then I wondered if it would be like that for the rest of my life.

But as I held the pose, it came to me that...

"Oh my god, that loose skin used to be FILLED WITH FAT."

I was filled with gratitude to realize that this loose skin is now empty, and that I don't have to carry all that around anymore, and that I look and feel so much better than I did at 240 pounds.

For years I had feared that I would hate my body forever, even if I lost weight, because the loose skin would be so awful. I think that it even played a role in my staying fat as long as I did, I was afraid to lose weight because of it. And at first, it was true.

But in this moment, I suddenly saw it all with new eyes. My loose skin is like my fourth-grade chart with the gold stars on it, showing how much work I have done to get where I am now. I am PROUD of what I have achieved.

Do I still wish I had my 23-year-old bikini worthy body? Of course, even Hollywood stars do, that's why plastic surgeons are so rich.

Can I love the body I have NOW? Yes... for the first time in years, I think that I can. Really.

And writing that sentence brought the tears. Tears because it hurt to hate myself for so long.

Of course, I still have a long way to go in my journey, both inside and out, but something changed yesterday.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • STR458
    mine are flapping in the wind as we speak
    1702 days ago
  • CANDIK48
    Dang girl! I got a little leaky around the eyes while reading this! Darn FINE job!!
    1707 days ago
    That is amazing and so uplifting. We are always hardest on ourselves, glad you're seeing the positives
    1709 days ago
  • BRADMILL2922
    This is awesome! I am happy that you had that moment of realization! Awesome!
    1709 days ago
    Way to go on your weight SHOULD be proud! You've worked hard and it's paid off. emoticon
    1709 days ago
  • LINDA!
    You are so right. I could relate to what you said about the loose skin that used to be filled with fat. You are on your way....and doing great.
    1709 days ago
    This is such a wonderful, inspiring, happy blog post that I think it deserves the "popular blog" award! I don't "like" blogs willy-nilly, but did so for this one. HIGH-FIVE, GF!!! You are beautiful!
    1710 days ago
    i lost a lot of weight at one point and i still did not think it was enough. because i still had of flab around my middle but my arms and legs were toned. when i started doing yoga i would see some of my muscle tone. That made me feel a lot better.
    1710 days ago
    but with exercise, they will firm up some, but way to go on your weight loss, and healthier life.
    1711 days ago
    You rock! Obviously you've lost the thing more important to lose than fat... those negative voices in our heads.

    Not that the fat isn't important! Congratulations on your success!!!

    Here's to spreading our wings and flying....

    1711 days ago
    Wonderful. I had a first the other day at boot camp also. I could cross my legs over each other and hold that pose. Prior to that, my legs would shoot away from each other and I had to hold one leg with my hand to keep it in place. Loose skin is great, rather that, than filled with fat as you say.
    1711 days ago
    Loose skin is a badge of honor!
    1711 days ago
    familiar words that I have repeated over and over to myself., If no one has ever has spoken to your self these words they don't realize the pain we inflict upon yourself. the joy of finding . Hey I am alright . find your true self is liberating isn't it ?
    1711 days ago
  • MAW_OH
    That is what this journey is all about. emoticon
    1711 days ago
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