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Saturday, August 17, 2013

What’s going on with me? Good question! I find I’ve once again been placing my work first when I should really be placing myself first.

I have been struggling to figure out what eating plan is best for me. It’s been increasingly difficult for me to find time in which to cook. I feel like I keep going in fits and starts.

Sometimes I’ve just been eating whatever I feel like eating because I’m tired of restraining myself and just want to feel I have some liberty in my life. Then there have been quite a few binges. I took a class once in which we discussed the definition of a binge: Mindlessly consume a large quantity of food. Don’t really taste the food and it does matter if hungry or not. Afterwards feel guilty. Lately, I’ve fit into the entire definition except for feeling guilty. I just don’t want or care to feel guilty. I know what I’ve done is wrong but it doesn’t help to beat myself up about it.

Watched a spider spinning a web this morning through the binoculars. Its web spanned the space between two trees. What must it feel like to spin a web? Spin is a good word for it since the spider travelled round and round in circles.

I took a nap today and it felt wonderful. It was like giving myself a gift.

I have been neglecting working on my website that’s my goal for getting away from having to work for others. I need to get back into this and figure out how to make my priorities really be my priorities.

I am very thankful to have such a wonderful man in my life as well as two fantastic cats and one amazing rat. This morning, when I awakened I felt in awe of how special it was to wake up and be around these very special presences in my life. First thing in the morning is a precious time of day to me.

I am so tired of being overweight and I can feel the strain it’s placing on my knees. I’m hoping I can get a plan sorted out that will work for me. I do believe that having a plan is very important…rather than just “going with the flow”.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    i hope you find the strength within yourself to do what makes YOU happy. since morning is such a sacred time of day for you, i am wondering if you could take 10 minutes to sit quietly and do a little writing in that early morning light, before the world has infiltrated -


    i read this article, and while i haven't got fully into the flow of morning pages, i have attempted to, and would like to really embrace making this a part of my day - now that i actually get up in the morning, lol, might be time to try again.

    make time and space for YOU, turn off work when you leave and keep being thankful for the good things while you wait for the door to new things to open up a crack for you to sneak in ;) all my love friend!
    2544 days ago
    emoticon I can understand, it IS hard to make ourselves a priority and to make good health our goal. Be gentle with yourself and never give up.
    2545 days ago
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    Jasmine it is so good to know that you have wonderful person to share your life with and I too am in awe of have comforting pets can be.

    Weight loss is all up hill. Focus, discipline, determination are key but emotion seems to trump those in an instant. It is an up hill battle.

    Best wishes on your journey... You are not alone.

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2545 days ago
    you're in my prayers.
    The first step is awareness. Now let's make a plan and put it into action.
    2546 days ago
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    Hi Jasmine - I could have written this blog! I'm in a similar place but I feel I'm getting on the right track for moving forward. I have been like that for probably the past year and a bit - always putting work and everything else first. I finally hit the wall so to speak with work - I was putting in so much time and effort (and working weekends for the first time ever) and it just wore me out and no one at work cared just wanted me to do more and more for them. Instead of working on priorities that would allow me to leave that job, I ended up doing the opposite. I finally realized that people (or at least the ones I work with/for) don't really appreciate the effort and can't tell the difference between someone doing things efficiently and putting in effort and someone who is not but manages to get it done at a slower pace. I realized I couldn't be this stressed out anymore and they weren't going to do anything - I had to be the one to do it. So I'm slowly starting to shift priorities and realize that it's OK to put myself first - never really accepted it before but now I do.

    So I started with working out - I was kind of just doing whatever workout I felt like but I realized to get back on track, I needed a schedule. So I picked a rotation and am following it no matter what. So far so good and I'm adding in extra workouts too.

    Eating is always the hardest part for me - sometimes following a specific plan can make me crazy so I haven't done that. I am just trying to follow basic principles and not overeat as much as possible. I have had a hard time trying to want to cook as well but as I focus on some of my other priorities, I find it helps with others - staying within a budget and then I am more motivated to cook and not go to the grocery store as often.

    It sounds cliché but I think it really is small steps. I know you will figure it out!
    2546 days ago

    Comment edited on: 8/18/2013 9:37:01 AM
    What does it take to get re-committed?
    2546 days ago
    I'm in a similar place. I need to eat right for my health but am not committed enough yet and am binging again.
    2547 days ago
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