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No Matter How You Feel, Get Up, Dress Up, Show Up, and NEVER Give Up...

Saturday, August 17, 2013

Sorry I haven't blogged in a while.

I needed time to focus more on myself. My 24 year old son's obsessive compulsive disorder took over my life and my husband's life through his anorexia. He can be very manipulative -- who wants to see their child not eat when they are severely malnourished?

Through a lot of thought and focus and anger I realized this and decided:

1. It isn't fair to me and my family
2. It is feeding my son's OCD even more

So, I am working on getting myself back. Yes, it is still sad and he is still very ill, but dwelling on it isn't helping me at all. I am sure I will occasionally mention him, but I cannot focus on it 24/7 so don't be surprised if I don't bring him up all the time. I do appreciate your continued prayers for him :)

So... what have I been up to you ask?

A couple months ago I signed up for the Philadelphia Rock-N-Roll Half Marathon. It is being held September 15. I figured it would get me motivated to start running again. For a while there, I thought I was going to drop out. I hadn't run in 9 whole weeks!

Well, I started back running last week. I am running at a slower pace to get my muscles and lungs back to a good flow (and not burn out!) I am up to 5 miles. I plan to run 3 - 4 miles on my short run days. I will run a 6 mile run the early part of next week and 7 miles next weekend. I should be at 10 in a couple weeks. I will run 10 a couple times before the race and should be set.
It won't be my fastest but the fact that I am doing this and will complete it with so much going on will make it such a fantastic personal victory for me.

When I started back to running a couple weeks ago my mind was so cloudy with all the negativity of my son's illness. I was feeling very sorry for myself and thought about it the whole time I ran. I wasn't really motivated to train but did it anyway. I just kept thinking "Just Keep Going". Today while I was running I realized I am not thinking about it the whole time I am out there anymore. I am paying more attention to my running music and thinking about other things I have to do or new ideas or the race that is coming up or races I have run. I realized the Philly race is almost one year to the date of my first 1/2 marathon. I am not in shape like I was last year - darn it! - but I am still going!
And...I will slowly get back there now that we are not eating out all the time.

We did get a new addition to our family this summer!
My son got a new dog, Maizey. She is a 1 1/2 year old Boston Terrier. Here she is with Roxy on the boat...

To add to our chaos, she now lives at our house, too, while he is "recovering" and staying at our house. Roxy is the boss, has lost all of her bottom front teeth proving it while fighting/playing with toys!

I hope you are having a fantastic weekend! Thanks for your continued support!

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Great title for a blog. Running used to help me when I was stressed. It is good for you to make time and take time for yourself. The saying about the oxygen mask holds true for life, we have to take care of ourselves before we can take care of others. Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. Even this commandment speaks of loving oneself. Do not let guilt set in.

    Your son has to be accountable for himself, we cannot change anyone. We can change our attitude and I think this is going to be a good change for you. Running gives you time to think and to pray.

    I had to have my teeth scaled with a water pick and the dental hygienist
    asked me if I was okay. She said they would have had to numb her so she could endure it. The room had music from the 1960's playing, and I told her that I was thinking about dancing to the songs or what was going on in my life when certain songs were popular. Music can draw our thoughts away from that which is painful or it can do just the opposite, if it reminds us of a lost love.

    I am cheering you on in the goals you have posted. I think working toward them will do you good.

    Have you seen pictures of dogs with dentures, lol!

    1750 days ago
    1760 days ago
    1765 days ago
    so happy to hear you blogging again!
    you're a very strong woman, and I'm so happy that you're running again. I need to get my lungs back into running shape as well. I committed to my first real race in a few months, so I'm excited and motivated to get on that as well.
    Looking forward to hearing more about your runs :)
    1766 days ago
    Hey, girl! Good for you. Life has to have some sense of normalcy just to flow. Running, especially with music, should help in so many ways. Good luck with the half marathon. I'll be thinking about you that day. I'll be at a women's district meeting for our church women so I'll remember the day! emoticon
    1766 days ago
    I am just so very happy that you are placing focused on you. That is no doubt key. I am so impressed. Sounds like you have a plan and are sticking to it!!! GO girl!
    1767 days ago
    I believe moving yourself up on your priority list is the best thing you can do for yourself and for your son.

    Enjoy your runs and good luck to your race!

    1767 days ago
    sorry to hear you've been having a tough time of it - it certainly isn't an easy road to travel. glad you are getting back to your running, it is so good to have something to reach for. and i love the way the music takes me out of whatever is bothering me at the time. keep putting one foot in front of the other! emoticon
    1767 days ago
    it is great that you got back to running again. it is hard when there is emotional issues but the exercise will at lease help destress you.
    1767 days ago
    I have experience with dealing with people with eating is not easy. I will pray for your son and I am happy for you that you are finding your space again. I know its a day to day process. Prayers to your son for a progressive successful recovery.
    1767 days ago
    It's nice to read this, Deanna. I'm glad you are putting yourself first and I know how hard that is when your child is involved. Enjoy your runs. Sharon
    1767 days ago
    Great insight... seems like you have turned a corner, recognizing that obsessing on your child's illness is not helping you... it also doesn't really help HIM take the responsibility for his own health that he needs. You're still on my prayer list... take good care of YOU, because that ol' oxygen mask has to be on YOUR face before you can help anyone else with theirs, right?

    Not that you don't know all that on an intellectual level, but "tell it to the gut" is another story. Time for the mind to take charge, and sounds like it is doing just that!

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    1767 days ago
    Love the coffee note! Glad your taking time for yourself. I find running is a good time to clear your head. I wish you well on your training. emoticon
    1768 days ago
    Love this -- the coffee stop photo, the fact that you're running and shifting gears, and the support that this gives me for trying another HM this fall even though I'm not back where I wanted to be yet either.

    Philly is going to be a great celebration of your personal victory!!! My hip won't tolerate the drive AND all the running, or I'd be there with you! I'll have to keep it local for now, and just work on getting a little stronger and a little stronger...

    Sorry to hear about Roxy's teeth - omg! But I hope the two puppers have worked it out.

    1768 days ago
    It's not easy having a child with an eating disorder. It's been a year this month that we found out my oldest was suffering with one for four years. She is the one playing soccer in college this year! She also has a lot of anxiety in general so I'm sure it goes along with the ED.

    She is now recovering, long story, and is doing well. She is very honest with me and will let me know how she's feeling so we can talk before she has a relapse. So here are some big emoticon from one that understands!

    I also understand the need to concentrate on us! To be the best we can be and to focus on ourselves. Our children are adults, technically emoticon , and we can't make them do anything at this point. We can love them and support them, but we do need to take care of ourselves.

    So you JUST DO IT! Go for that 1/2! I'm trying to get the guts up to commit to one...and to find the money. (We are just trying to be very frugal and get some things paid off. The oldest is responsible for paying for her college, but we want to help where/when we can.)

    Hang in there and keep at it. I can't wait to hear about the 1/2!!!
    1768 days ago
    emoticon emoticon
    1768 days ago
    You are such an inspiration! I hope the training miles are going good for you. Happy running!!!
    1768 days ago
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