A turn for the worse.

Saturday, August 17, 2013

After writing about my stresses in my previous blog, I started to feel better. I was also proud of myself for not eating emotionally after being so upset. I was feeling happy and more optimistic about things and was focusing on the good things such as school starting back up.
Well, as I was packing up to leave tomorrow (I'm at my parents' place) my mom comes in and tells me that I shouldn't come back. Ever.
I'm "selfish" and "will never make it as a good teacher."
And "If you take your stuff with you, you cut off all ties with us."
"Nobody will ever accept or love you."
Wow, did that hurt.
Insult after insult and I have no idea where they are coming from.

Why does it seem like things get harder every time I try harder and try to be optimistic?
I couldn't take anymore, so I went back to bad habits and reached for the first things I could find: cereal and graham crackers.
It's nothing to be proud of. I am just so emotionally overwhelmed that I don't really care anymore at the moment.
I guess tomorrow I will be leaving...and never coming back...

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • INSH8P
    What a testing time! Our SparkCommunity members who are parents have great wisdom for you. As I don't "exactly" fit that description, I can only extend large arms of comfort and strength as you take "the next steps". Yes, you are doing this on your own; yes, you have support from all of us who know, acknowledge and respect your beauty, dedication, and purpose, right here, right now -- we love you unconditionally. And with that, not only are you better: you are complete.
    1736 days ago
    The comments above are very wise!
    YOU become the best you can be! No one can make you feel less than you are worth unless you allow them! YOU ARE VERY VAULABLE! There is no one else like you, and you are a gift to the world! So, you ate to handle stress. It is not the first and will not be the last time! You're under great pressure, and are human.
    Tomorrow is another day. You are young, and have a lot of life ahead of you! CHOOSE to take charge and be YOU!!!
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1739 days ago
  • TREV1964
    You are not aiming to become a teacher for her - you are doing it for you.
    You are not getting your health back on track for her - you are doing it for you.

    It is so important that you remember this - Between the ages of 18 and 33 I had a very difficult time with my parents and have now had nothing to do with them for 15 years. Sometimes there is nothing that can be done and you have to go out there and just be the best you that you can be.

    In the act of a bust up and parties going their separate ways between generations it is always the older generation that ends up losing out. It is something that as a parent of a 21, 16 and 15 year old I am more than aware of.

    Saying something like she said to you is pretty horrible and heartless, had she said it in the heat of an argument that got out of hand? - How does you Dad stand in all of this also? I would have thought he would have stepped in and mediated this a little at the least.

    Anyway - hold in there - you will be away from it tomorrow and you will have a lot more to focus your life on too.

    If you ever want to talk or if I can be of help - you know where I am.


    1739 days ago
    Wow as a mother I can not at all understand what you are going through! We take a youngest daughter to college today and all I have done for the last 2 days is cry. I will miss her sooo much and can't wait until she comes home. I hope whatever happened that in a short amount of time your mother will realize how much she misses you and beg you to come back for a visit as often as you can. We don't always make the wisest choices but we do try to fix it when we mess up. Put all of your heart and emotions into being a great teacher, I am sure you will do well. Take your journey one day/step at a time, you can do this. Remember YOU ARE WORTH IT!!!
    1740 days ago
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