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Where do I Draw the Line?

Thursday, August 15, 2013

Where does 'helping' become 'enabling'? Where is the line between being there for your adult kids and carrying their baggage for them? What happens when 'for the summer' becomes 'til we get it all together'?

As you may have guessed by the above, the summer is over and my little houseguest is still here. I am trying to enroll him in HeadStart, but I am afraid Grandpa & I make too much money for their financial guidelines. And as we are not receiving anything for caring for him, we can't use his step-dad's income. And since we do not have custody or guardianship of him, we don't get a tax break & can't put him on Grandpa's insurance. So we are in a trick bag, as my dh says.

Also, my little man has some behavior issues that I think he needs help with, but once again, there is the problem of how to pay for it. Some things have improved just with being in a stable home with a routine that repeats itself day after boring day. But some things seem to be deep-rooted habits, coping mechanisms that he has developed to make himself feel safe and in-control. Which has become a problem for us, because in order to keep him safe and well, WE need to be in control of a lot of his life. He is, after all, only 3 going on 4.

I'm not really expecting any revelations of an easy solution to my problem or answers to my questions. Just venting. Oh and, by the way, I've gained 3 pounds back! Instead of going down, that nasty little needle on the scale is creeping back in the other direction, laughing as it goes. I may take a hammer to it yet!

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    If his parents aren't going to "get in together" in the near future, maybe it's time for you to consider guardianship then you will have an easier time getting the financial help you need as well as the authority to do what is right for your little man. Sadly, it sounds like if he goes back to his parents now, all the stability and grounding you have provided for him over the summer may be reversed. It sounds like the child just needs a stable home and some assurance that everything is going to be OK emoticon
    1728 days ago
  • DIANE7786
    Many grandparents are their grandchildren's primary caregivers. I've known several. Have you googled, Grandparents Raising Grandchildren? There are a lot of ideas and resources, including possible financial help. One important thing is if having written permission to take the boy to the doctor. If you haven't done this, call his doctor for instructions.
    1743 days ago
    Can you get guardianship? The little man may be acting out due to not knowing what is coming next. But that age can be trying even for stable situations. I am so sorry you are left in this position. emoticon
    1743 days ago
    I'm just coming to this for the first time so I am not sure all the dynamics of you having your grandson, but I'd say if you are trying to enroll in headstart it's time to get some legal paperwork together so you can ensure him and so forth. Either his parent(s) need to get it together or they need to let you do it. Good luck.
    1743 days ago
    I believe that line differs for each person. It's great that you are able to help at all, not everyone would or could do that.

    1743 days ago
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