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The scale and my inches are climbing, in the wrong direction.

Tuesday, August 06, 2013

I've lost it. That spark that I had for the first year to year and a half. Now its almost two years since I started this journey and its gone. Two years in 10 days and yes, I'm still 150 pounds down from where I started, but the scale has slowly started to crawl back up. I've lost my motivation, my healthy eating and my spark. Luckily, the only thing I haven't given on yet, is working out. However, it seems to not be doing too much for me, especially on the weekends.

I measured myself today. I'm up in all the categories I measure in.
Waist, up from 43 to 43.5
Hips, up from 44 to 45.5 I can feel this in my pants. They still fit in the size 16, but they are getting a bit tight. My shirts are especially getting tighter.
Thighs, up from 24.5 to 25
Arms, only up slightly, from 12 to 12.25 or so

Scale.... up from 185 on Saturday morning to 189 last night. Again, a lot of it is water weight form the weekend, but I'M SO SICK OF IT!!!!!!

I'm still doing the elliptical an hour a day. I leave the gym DRENCHED... during the week I'm eating 1400-1500 calories. The weekends are what are killing me. Absolutely killing me.

I know how to do this... I've done it. Why can't I find that motivation to lose these last 10-15 pounds?

Sunday was the first day I've taken off from the gym or working out in some form in a while. The whole time I felt completely guilty. I took off because I had tweaked my ankle the night before and it hurt to walk on it or move it in any way. I knew I shouldn't use it until it got better. It was a bit better yesterday and by the time I went to work out, it hardly hurt at all. Now I feel like I should have gone on Sunday.

UGH. I hate this feeling. Hate feeling like I'm going to go backwards.

I'm dreading this weekend. I'm such a creature of habit and I'm gonna be out of town from Wednesday night to Sunday. The only day I know I won't be working out like I normally do is Thursday, but even still. It will be a weekend full of food and alcohol.... again. Yes, I can watch my intake of both, but it doesn't seem to matter on Monday when I step on the scale.

Completely whiny blog, but I just needed to get it off my chest. Not a lot of people read them anyways, so whatever.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Hang in there. I know how it is to feel like you're treading water and your head keeps dunking under. Just keep swimming! You can do this. Find something that motivates you. A new goal or plan. For me, deciding to train for a half marathon has gotten me reenergized and excited again. It sounds like exercise is your thing. Is there a new program or class you could try that might get you excited? You will find your spark again, just hang on until you do.
    1765 days ago
  • TANYA602
    I love all of the advice here, and I couldn't agree more with each and every comment. YOU are a remarkable woman and have come so far! I have taken a break from all of the food tracking - we both know what we need to eat to be healthy and maintain our weight - and am relying on how my clothes feel and fit. I got rid of anything that was remotely too big so that I wouldn't have anything to fall back on. And I drink LOTS of water each day. I am so glad I checked in to see how you are doing. Truly, you are doing great. Voice those frustrations, get the advice needed, and stay strong. If you want to do some kind of challenge together I am up for it. I also hurt my achilles heel this past week and have used it as an excuse not to work out, so I need something to motivate me to get off my butt and get in those fitness minutes. Are you up for some kind of fitness minute challenge?
    I'm so glad you stopped by my page and reminded me how important SP is to our journey and progress. I've missed you, too!
    1775 days ago
    so agree with you, that is why I love SparkPeople so much. We are there for one another in so many ways! Forget the whiney thing, that is why we blog and share out thoughts. No judging allowed on SparkPeople we get enough of that from the rest of the world!
    1778 days ago
    I TOTALLY understand! I'm at a frustration level with you as well. I just track it all, and put in the weight the scale tells me, and the madness continues. I know exactly where I'm going wrong in my road to success- the only place I really ever go wrong- eating. Blah. Just track it all and put on a mighty focus. You can do it. Under 180's is not out of your reach.
    1778 days ago
    I'm so happy I ran across your blog because I know just how you are feeling. I totally agree with Minea - why not just take a break from weight loss and maintain for a while to give your body time to adjust and you time to 'rest up' for another bout of weight loss?

    That is what I did when I was about 10 pounds from my goal weight. It wasn't exactly a plan - it just worked out that way. It was before I'd found SparkPeople - I was just doing it on my own by watching my nutrition and walking a LOT. I went from 192 to 155 fairly steadily. I was satisfied with how I looked - not 100%, but 'ok'. So for the next 3 years a went up and down from 155 to 160 - usually up when I went on vacations and down slowly when I was home.

    Then I found SparkPeople and their nutrition tracker. And BLC - the support of the BLC team really helped me take off that last 10 pounds. Its STILL a struggle to keep it off but I'm doing it. Minea is exactly right - it will always be a bit of a struggle. Is it worth it? OH YES! I'm 65 years old and feel better in many ways than when I was... well much younger, certainly before I started exercising.

    You can do this! You lost 150 pounds - that is amazing and wonderful!! Just don't give up!! You will ALWAYS succeed if you don't give up!! emoticon emoticon
    1778 days ago
  • MINEA999
    I hear ya. It's a struggle. It will ALWAYS be a struggle. The first thing you have to do is accept that! After that, I would re-examine your desire/need/commitment to losing those last 10-15 lbs. Are they really important to you? Or would you be okay at sub-190 as long as you can maintain it? Have you tried maintaining - consciously doing all the steps that they say we should do to maintain rather than lose? Just some thoughts. I'm no expert either and with all the weight I've lost and gained, I've never been that close to my goal weight to have to think about it. But I do know about losing motivation, focus and drive. Sometimes you just need to take a break and accept things exactly as they are.
    1778 days ago
    I know EXACTLY how you feel. I'm a creature of habit. For some reason I have it in my head that weekends don't count! It's sickening! I don't understand what makes me think that way. My scale has reflected my poor choices as well as my clothes feeling tight. I also know I can do it! I went on a freaking 3 day Juice Cleanse last week because I was so miserable. Felt great afterwards and rewarded myself with ice cream all weekend long. What's new right?

    But I'm not giving up! And neither should you. I started tracking my food again and I mean I'm going to keep it up. I started trying different workouts and studying up on didn't diets to see if I can customize one that works for me.

    I want so much to feel lose pants again. To be excited when I go shopping because I'm down another dress size. To feel sexy and pretty and like I'm accomplishing everything that I set out to do!

    We will get there. I've subscribed to your blog so I'll be sure to read it every time you post! I hope my comment isn't too whiny as well! But I feel you completely.

    Hope your week gets better and good luck on your out of town trip!
    1778 days ago
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