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Sunday, August 04, 2013

Defeated...but positively.

Other synonyms might be: conquered, overcome, beaten, overthrown, etc.

As in, I'm learning to defeat my demons, my food and consumption demons as it were.

As a kid, teenager, and young adult. I was addicted to Coke. The full-on sugar-laden, chemically enhanced, artificially and naturally flavored and colored Coke. By my thirties, I had pretty much conquered my addiction with a few lapses on the way. When I was addicted, it was an oasis of self medication. It was my salvation, my sanctuary, and my solace. It woke me up when I was sleepy, it calmed me when I was agitated, it would help me fall asleep at night (although I'm sure the rest that followed wasn't ideal).

So although I'm still not perfect, I don't crave it. I think I was able to overcome any recent, recent being the last 8-10 years, cravings by thinking of it as the poison that it is.

It reminds of what my Dad would say about smoking. He had a heart attack scare in his early 30s. Having lost his own father, also a heavy smoker, when he was 12, he was scared straight. He always said, "no matter how much I liked smoking, I realized it certainly wasn't helping anything so why do it." I only wish my Mom could've realized the same, may she rest in peace.

So soda, and subsequently any sugar cravings, aren't helping me, so why do it.

Not that this makes everything easier with sunshine, rainbows, and ahhhhhh angels singing but it gives me some much needed perspective.

On a side note, I have a bad habit of cursing too. I know all the reasons not to curse and I even agree with them but something about a curse getting any tension out of me in one breath always made me feel better. Then recently, I heard a different reason not to curse: by cursing you're summoning demons. And if there's any food demons involved, be gone with you and the hole you crawled out of! Heh. With all the other reasons not to, this is the one that got me.

Even though there's tons of reasons not to drink Coke or curse, it's thinking of Coke as a poison and cursing as summoning demons that got me.

Whatever works, I say.

So yeah, although my mother was defeated by her smoking, my dad still has several poisons doing him in. He's not well. He still drinks soda and has been battling diabetes, heart disease (already had 5-bypass), and most recently Parkinson's. Although Parkinson's has been in our family before, I can't help but think his food addictions brought on his late-in-life onset of the disease. In his own words, "it certainly doesn't help."

So why do it.

I see my reflection in my Dad. I've always followed in his footsteps like my brother followed in my Mother's. But the reflection is a peek in the future. It's not set in stone.

It doesn't have to be me.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Exactly... it's not set in STONE.

    You can do this!
    1718 days ago
  • KLONG8
    Great insight.....
    1720 days ago
    First of all, my heart goes out to you for losing your Mom in smoking and your Dad's health condition. It's is so hard to control any type of addiction...

    I can so relate to this blog. I am trying to learning how I can defeat my food addiction demon. I've been doing great but last couple days was not so good. Also, You are so right about cursing. You've said " By cursing you're summoning demons." I truly believe this. My DH has same problem. And I've been watching what happening him while cursing and it seems more he curse, more angrier he get. Most of time it is so hard to calm down after cursing and since he has high blood pressure problem, it is not helping him for sure. I feel little by little cursing demons has taking his life out of him and one day, he will not have any life light left and dies suddenly. I am very scare of that to be happen. I have never met person in my life curse so much and just to hearing him curse make me feel very an pleasant and take way my life energy. I wish I can find some material or data some where that I can show him. It's bad for his soul and body. Great blog. Thank you for sharing.
    1722 days ago
    Love your reasons & rationale!
    Whatever works!

    1722 days ago
  • 68ANNE
    this couldn't be more true. aah moment!
    1722 days ago
  • JUNEAU2010
    I like your dad's quote. The flip side of the coin is also, "this helps, so why not do it?"
    Great insight and thanks for sharing!
    1722 days ago
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