Contradictions. (It's amazing how much I don't know.)
Friday, August 02, 2013
Today's message from SparkCoach:
"Your high motivation is an inspiration to us all! Keep it up!"
Of course this is in stark contradiction to my friends, who claim I'm a buzzkill because I don't order dessert. Oh silly me -- I thought it was because I didn't like tiramisu. I didn't realize it was because I was an eternal sourpuss.
Another thing I didn't realize was how much I apparently hate myself. It's obvious to everyone else that I hate myself because I'm eating 250 calories less a day and lifting weights. As a matter of fact, I hate myself so much I PUNISH myself with doing something I enjoy: running.
"Nobody 'enjoys' running," they tell me.
Well that's news to me! And apparently also to the thousands of people on Facebook who list running as a hobby. And here I thought I actually knew myself! Silly me.
Now the possibility exists that I just don't realize how obnoxious and self-loathing I really am. I tried to step out of my frame of reference and look at how Amandances behaves when she's with friends.
Here's what I DIDN'T see myself doing:
1. Telling everyone at the table they're all fat cows who need to lose weight.
2. Commenting AT ALL on anyone's weight, fitness, fitness goals, etc.
3. Commenting on what anyone was eating, other than to say "That looks good!"
4. Going on and on and on about my weight loss success. Actually I haven't said word one to anybody.
5. Mentioning AT ALL the fact that I'm running my first 5K in a week, beyond saying "Yes, I'm very excited about it" when someone else brought it up.
6. Posting anything beyond the odd motivational quote on Facebook. (In other words, my updates are not fitness related, and are usually just most recent pictures of the baby.)
7. Doing anything obnoxious or drawing any attention AT ALL to what I post about here on Spark.
This is a fitness and weight-loss site, so of course I'm going to blog about my ups and downs. And I'm going to share my successes and my milestones here, especially since I really can't anywhere else without appearing obnoxious.
So all sarcasm and snark aside, here is what I know. For real:
1. I know I am running, and I enjoy it.
2. I know I am now up to running 25 minutes without stopping, which I seriously never thought was possible. NEVER.
3. I know I am running a 5K next weekend and I am GOING TO RUN THE WHOLE THING! I WILL FINISH!
4. I know that patience is the key to success of all kinds.
5. I know I am an inspiration to my son, and maybe to my family. (My sister-in-law especially.)
6. I know I can lift heavy weights, and eventually I will be able to do 10 perfect pushups.
7. I know I'm not bad looking for 42, and my figure isn't unpleasant to look at.
8. I know I'm not going to wear "mom jeans" but rather, stylish and age-appropriate clothing that makes me feel beautiful and fit.
9. I know I'm going to run a marathon someday soon.
10. I know between the two of us, my husband and I will raise a healthy child who knows FOOD comes from the produce aisle and not the drive-through.
And here's my last comment, and this is to my mother, who will never read this, so it's okay for me to say it here:
Mom, I love you beyond words. You have always been my biggest supporter, and I love it when you come over and say "Wow, your arms are looking so skinny!" I love that you offer to babysit while I'm working out, and that you encourage your grandson to be active. I appreciate your support and your enthusiasm about my wanting to run races, and I am grateful that you offered me your Target card so I could buy socks and appropriate (and cute) race day clothes.
But please please please stop with the "oh it won't hurt just this once" in reference to ice cream, cake, hot dogs, whatever. "A little bit of this won't throw off your plans."
Well, yes it might -- but more importantly, I DON'T WANT IT! I don't want the ice cream, I don't want the hot dog. Please don't even offer it to me. I have a very hard time saying no to you, so why don't you make it easy for me, and just don't ask the question? And please stop feeding the baby cookies every time I turn around -- okay? He'll give you the same big grin and loving hug if you give him cherries or grapes.
Sigh. But that's a battle for another day.
Press on friends, and happy Friday!