I'm always going to be fat.

Thursday, August 01, 2013

There I said it. I'm always going to be fat.

Now, don't take this the wrong way... I'm not. This is a body acceptance post.

I am not going to ever become a Fitspo poster model. It is not in my genes. At all... Besides, have you read this?

Also today’s Spark Blog post is great:

What I realized last night falling asleep is that no matter how hard I work out or how many calories I cut = I will be fat. I have come to the conclusion that my definition of fat and societies definition of fat are vastly different. Heck a woman’s ideal and a man’s ideal are really different. I may think I want to be a size 4/6, but according to my man as long as I have a good butt he doesn’t really care, and he thinks I’m already at a great size.

The other day we were joking about my butt. Now, I have a big a$$. Its in my genes. My sister is 5’4” and petite... with a booty. She has to buy all of her pants a size up, and tailor the waist down. So even if I do drop those last 20 pounds that I feel I need to, I will still probably have a rather large asset following me. And you know what. That’s okay. According to my guy, that’s a necessity. If I start getting to skinny, he’ll make sure I eat enough to get my booty back. So how many fitness pictures do we see of real women working out? Especially women with butts? I know, squat centric posts, and “get that bikini bottom ready” workout posts try, but no one has a butt as big as mine. I’m embracing my butt. Its fat. Its also awesome. I almost have to take a page outta the Real Housewives of Atlanta to try to describe it. TJ and I have agreed, its not really a donkey booty, or a shelf booty, so its most likely a stallion booty... haha... such a silly conversation to have with your boyfriend! What it made me realize is that yes, I am not societies conventional “fit” body type. I am my own body type and that type is awesome and perfect for my life.

That’s not to say I don’t like certain parts. I struggled with my arms my entire life. They were always massive. I shelled out $6k last year to have my surgery done to remove excess skin. It was worth it. It was painful, but I don’t regret it. Now here’s the kicker... I STILL HAVE FAT ARMS! But you know what. That’s okay. My arms still jiggle. There’s no batwings, but I won’t really ever get “thin” arms. Its 100% not in my genes. Today though, I am wearing a ladies cut t-shirt, you know the kind with the super short sleeves that don’t really count? So yea. I am embracing my arms. There’s some post surgery pics here:

I carry most of my weight in my hips/butt and arms, but I still have a very defined waist. It’s a blessing. It helps me to dress nicely. I can flatter my shape and hide everything (or accentuate) as needed. My older sister is basically the same weight I am, BUT she has skinny arms and legs and carries her weight in the middle. So she has a vastly different body shape, a larger pant size, and a worse body image. But the key thing here is WE ARE THE SAME WEIGHT.

Weight does not matter. The number on the scale does not matter. Its your shape and your tone. So even though for the longest time I thought I would magically look amazing at 170... the truth is I won’t look that much different at 170... I may lose 20# and not drop a jean size. Seriously. If I lose 20# it will probably come off my arms (at most 0.5# each) and hips. My ribs are sticking out at 190 because I’m 5’10” with a large frame. Don’t compare yourself to me... Don’t compare yourself to others... Only compare yourself with the girl in the mirror.

I still have fat days, I still have days where I wish I could just suck fat out of certain parts of my body, but on the whole I am not unhappy with my shape. I did recently gain a bit of weight, but more importantly I lost muscle. I felt puffy and outta shape. In six weeks I’ve gotten more comfortable and even though I dropped only 6-8# depending on water weight, I feel better. And that’s the important part = feeling good and healthy and strong. I’m not going to beat myself up for not losing more weight or not being a certain weight. I am going to keep working, eating healthy, and striving to be happy with myself and my accomplishments.

Case in point... my boyfriend just sent me this (he's a keeper!) :
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    This is another great blog! Thank you for sharing.
    1729 days ago
  • KLONG8
    You shook me up at first. But what you say makes sense. My good friend for decades and I always wear the same size clothes but she always weighs 20 pounds more than me. It's just how we're built.

    Have a GREAT day and it sounds like you're getting your head set to continue on our journey of health.
    1740 days ago
    I am very proud of you, Sara. This is a blog I hope to write some day ~ not there yet. So glad you are embracing the real you! I loved the pictures too ~ great perception of society. Have a nice weekend.
    1752 days ago
  • KCLARK89
    Awesome blog! My mom and I were watching tv awhile back and she's like, size 0, really? My BONES aren't even a size 0! Like your boyfriend, mine also loves my butt (gotta love men!) and he's like babe don't lose your butt from working out!!!

    Am I "thin" well, yes. But by who's definition? That's where the lines get blurry and we get tripped up in it. We can define ourselves one way, but then the "social ideal" is another. Focus on what makes YOU healthy and feel good, and the rest will fall into place.

    I love my froyo and wine too much to be THAT restrictive to even TRY to look like a fitspo model. No thanks. I'll go enjoy my carbs now :)
    1752 days ago
    YAY for body acceptance!!!

    *Immediately after a posted this I wish I would have said "Body Love" or "Self Love" so YAY for those things!!!
    1753 days ago

    Comment edited on: 8/2/2013 1:22:15 PM
  • SLEE103
    You and I both know how we feel about our arms. So how DO you hide them? I am TERRIFIED of the eventual day when I have wedding pictures. arms are like the one thing displayed.

    Anyways, I love your attitude. Boys can be so great sometimes can't they?! Love that he loves your booty :) and tone definitely goes a long way compared to weight itself. Great blog!
    1754 days ago
    I know you aren't looking for validation, however, I just want to say that even if you wouldn't make it on a fitspo poster, you are a fitness inspiration to me. To see a real person make real changes, with real struggles, and have real success is very motivating to me. You have accomplished so much, and you can definitely be priud of that!
    1754 days ago
    Wonderful blog and such true pointers! Amen sister!
    1754 days ago
    I feel the same way. I dont think my body is capable of being "thin" & to be honest i've never experienced it, so really i dont know. I just want to be healthier & if I feel great & love how I look at a # higher than what my goal is I'm going to stay there & rock it...dont want to be skeletor if I cant work it! I'm 5'3 & I got down to 145(i'm "supposed" to be 110-130) 6-7 years ago & my face looked almost too angular. Rock what you got & be happy with yourself, I like your mentality!
    1754 days ago
    Great Blog! Embrace the butt! Love it!
    The National average/ideal photo's are very powerful...Thank you for sharing.
    1754 days ago
    Wonderful blog! I think this hits it on the head for me. What is healthy, what is strong, what is fast, what is thin, what is lean, what is going to be enough to make me happy....Do I want to do what I would have to do to look like Jennifer Aniston? NOPE! I'm pretty comfortable with myself and I don't want to develop an unhealthy obsession with exercise and food just weigh less. There will always be parts of me that I think could look better/be better, but I'm pretty happy with it overall...or at least I'm trying to be :)
    1754 days ago
    As women we've always been our own biggest critics when it comes to looks and weight...a site such as Sparkpeople couldn't exist without us!! I agree; we have to learn to accept ourselves and realize most of us will never be as lean as the women in the Thinspo posters, anymore than we will be 6 feet tall.

    We are born with a body and we will die with the same body. Too bad more of us can't love it in the interim! (That's not to say we don't try to make it healthy and fit.)
    1754 days ago
    Funny I was just reading that article on FitSpo today.
    1754 days ago
  • NEEDBU66
    Very good article. Very well written. Very worth reading. Thank you.
    1754 days ago
    I lost most of my butt =(

    I'm 5'10" too, and I can see my ribs! I still have a bit of a belly but my ribs (and my hip bones) are definitely noticeable. And if a size 12 is a man's ideal, then I'm damn okay with that!
    1754 days ago
    Enjoyed reading your blog, and the self acceptance message. My BF is kind of nervous I will lose my best ASSet too when the weight drops. But I told him with my genetics he does not have to worry about that. ;-)
    1754 days ago
  • HEALTHY_42
    Accepting ourselves is hardest. Having a positive body image is hard. I find that if I can do something physically better each passing day, then I know I am achieving a healthy goal. Not everyone can have the perfect body (and heck most of those pictures are photoshopped anyway), we have to accept and love ourselves above anyone else. It's hard to do because most people thrive off of others...we are a sociable acceptance breed... emoticon
    1754 days ago
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