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Bad Week.. Just Need to Vent

Thursday, August 01, 2013

Well, after my fabulous weekend I had a bad food week, followed by a binge weekend. I guess I got TOO confident and let my goals fly out the window. I over ate pretty much everyday for a whole week (and a half basically) and on the days that I managed to not over eat, i binged...BIG TIME. Ugh. I'm just frustrated with myself for not staying on track and letting old habits slip back so quickly. There were days that I skipped the gym as well (on the days that I was binging, no less).

But, I'm going to stop beating myself up about it. I realized that the goal that I have in my mind needed to be reevaluated. So, last night I thought about what I really wanted my body to look like. The first thing that popped up in my mind were figure competitors. But then I realized that I didn't want to put myself in the position where I was analyzing every single little thing that went into my mouth. But yet, I do want that lean, tight, toned body (and those ever wonderful flat-abs...) Am I really willing to sacrifice the occasional slice of pizza or ice cream or even a cocktail for it? I think I can for the body that I want. No, scratch that. I CAN DO IT. It's going to be tough and I'm going to want to cave, BUT I NEED TO STAY FOCUSED. And eating the right number of calories too. I still think I'm eating too few. Especially if I'm still binging for multiple days in a row. I mean this isn't an excuse to go hog wild and eat whatever I want and not care, but its an opportunity for me to eat to fuel my body with all the exercising that I do.

New Calorie Goal: 1,300 to 1,500 calories

To some, this still may seem like to few, but to me (and my past of extreme restriction/binging) I think that this will be the "sweet spot" for me to feel satisfied, yet still be able to lose .5-1 lb a week and curb any urges to binge. The days that I eat around this range last month felt great. I had the energy to workout and didn't feel snack-y or overly hungry. But, I did give in too many times to the "oh, you're working hard. one day of a treat won't be so bad" voice in my head. And one treat led to another and another and...yeah.

Goal for the end of August:
lose 2 lbs
get in my cardio/lifting. NO MORE SKIPPING
eat clean: more veggies and protein, less simple carbs

Totally doable. I'm in a great frame of mind today, even though I won't have access to a car to do my regular cardio, I do have a couple workout DVDs to get in a cardio sesh, plus some free weights that my dad bought years ago to get in my lifting. Almost all my calories have been planned for today (except for dinner, but I still have 300 to play around with for that). Its the first day of August and I've got a whole new month to work towards my goals.

Which brings me to the vent section of this blog (well, I guess this post has been one big vent, but this is the part that lets me express my frustration on someone other than myself). SO. This weekend my brother and his fiance are coming to visit. Dont't get me wrong I love spending time with them and having them come vist. BUT, whenever his fiance comes with we do whatever she wants to do. EVERY SINGLE TIME. Like, I'm fine with going to the zoo and shopping. I love stuff like that. But, I don't want to go to a pizza/beer place for dinner. I don't care if it was on The Food Network or not. I DON"T WANT TO EAT PIZZA AND DRINK BEER. Pizza is a trigger for me. I can't stop at one or two slices and feel satisfied. It just doesn't happen, which I why I'm trying to avoid it. My mom knows this. My dad knows this. And the thing is, my mom even told me that I could look up places to eat that have a greater variety of foods so that I could find a healthier alternative to eat. Which I did yesterday. I found a place that had a wide variety of options and even picked out a few options that I would enjoy. But nooooo. My mom gets a text from the fiance about this pizza place and suddenly that where were going to eat. UM HELLO?! DO you not remember telling me that your going to help me reach my goals? Pizza and beer is NOT in my August goals, sorry. Thankfully, the place does have a few salad options that look okay (no protein with any of them, which makes me mad, but I can deal I guess). Plus, this weekends breakfasts are most likely going to be muffins and waffles and SUGARY CARBS. no, no. I refuse to blow yet another weekend just because they're visiting. I'm still working out on Saturday morning and making myself eggs or something else. I have goals and I'm sticking to them, no matter what. Also, I'm not getting cupcakes either. I don't want to cram 400+ calories down my throat all at once anymore. I'm not about that anymore.

And I apologize if I sound really self-centered, but I'm trying to get back on my weight loss goals and a "free" weekend just isn't in my plans at this time. If i had had a good week and weekend I would relax more, but I didn't and I do have to be strict with myself. Well, strict might be the wrong word to use, but I can't be overly relaxed with my eating.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I haven't been reading blogs much this last year but when I get time I try to pop in to see what's up. Sorry to hear of the troubles you are having. This seems to be a common problem for all of us. When one is serious about eating right and exercising, someone is always there to redirect our focus. We just have to be focused and serious with others to prove to them that we can do this. I think many times the only reason they do this is because they can't and they don't want to see that others can. Keep the faith.
    1617 days ago
    I completely understand being around trigger foods and trying to avoid them. If they want pizza they should be able to choose a place that has that and something that works for you. Good luck!
    1742 days ago
    It is really hard when you're trying to jibe with other people and their eating desires...and yet stay in your calorie range. I find that looking up things ahead of time and entering them in my tracker before I go makes me resolve to eat what I've tracked. Hope your weekend is a blast! Keep up the good work! Thanks for the encouragement! Spark on! emoticon emoticon
    1743 days ago
  • KDRICH24
    I agree, It's great that you forgave yourself! I too find myself binge eating and something that helped me stop was tracking everything I ate during the binge. It is awful to see 6 peanut butter cookies on my tracker but IT HELPS ME REMEMBER that it isn't worth it! I also found that admitting it on line like you just did helps me too. I'm sure you already know all of this. i wish you luck! emoticon
    1745 days ago
  • LGREGG07
    thank you for the book suggestion! I love to read so i think that'll be the next one that I read (:
    1751 days ago
    I commend you for forgiving yourself and getting over your "uh-oh's" to make August the best it can be. Also, no reason to feel self centered about anything, this is your blog! lol It's all about you! I deal with binges and what feels like self sabotaging behavior as well. It's not a pretty feeling at all. I am not super restrictive with what I can cannot eat, good food vs. bad food mentality always causes me to overeat and binge. Everything in moderation keeps me a happy girl. Even if I do go over my calorie range once or twice a week by 100-300 calories. My target calorie range is 1500 as well. A book I wanted to suggest to you is called the Hunger Fix. For me knowing the science and research behind all my crazy binges has helped me to really sit back and come up with a battle plan to stop the behavior. I love the psychology aspect of it, considering I majored in it I should lol.

    Congrats on moving forward and I know you'll be doing some awesome things this month. emoticon
    1752 days ago
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