100,000-149,999 SparkPoints 137,034


Monday, July 29, 2013

There's a new Anthony Weiner scandal. Weiner is running for mayor of New York City. He confirmed yesterday that some new sexually explicit messages have been leaked. He sent them to a woman on Facebook using the code name 'Carlos Danger.' Which is still easier to believe than that other name: Mayor Weiner. -Jimmy Fallon

The show tonight may run a little longer than usual, and I'll tell you why. We have about 300 Anthony Weiner jokes to get through. -David Letterman

Yes, even after the sexting scandal that ended his congressional career. It turns out he learned nothing. Has this man never heard of SnapChat? Your dong shots disappear seconds after you send them…I have been told. -Stephen Colbert

Before we begin the show, I want to ask everyone to turn off their cellphones. It has nothing to do with our program. We just want to protect you from Anthony Weiner. He may try to send you a text. -Jay Leno

The royal baby is set to inherit $1 billion. In fact, he's so rich that he's already dating a girl half his age. -Conan O'Brien

A tourist came up to me today and she says, 'I watch your show on and off.' And I said, 'How do you like it?' And she said, 'Off.' -Dave Letterman

Taco Bell announced that it will discontinue its line of kids' meals because of low sales. You know your food's bad when even little kids say, 'I'm not putting that in my mouth.' -Jimmy Fallon

A lot of guys go to Comic-Con dressed as super heroes. Comic-Con is a great place to go if you want to see what all your favorite super heroes would look like if they stopped working out and ate only ice cream. -Craig Ferguson

Two hundred cows recently died in a field in Wisconsin. Nobody knows the cause of death, but they suspect boredom. -Conan O'Brien

The temperature got up to a 100 here in New York City. And now doctors are warning people about something called 'heat rage.' It's a real thing, where people to overreact when it gets too hot. It's similar to those other conditions in New York: cold rage, lukewarm rage, and just regular old rage. -Jimmy Fallon
Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post