The Numbers Game
Sunday, July 28, 2013
I was thinking about how it took me until I was almost fifty two to really understand that I need support and motivation from people who get it. Who know that losing weight is not easy. I like to eat. I like the way food tastes. I like to try different things. Every extra pound on me is there by choice. Hard to admit but true. I ate my way to 185 pounds. I'm not very tall so I probably look even heavier.
SparkPeople is a very diverse site. There are a lot of people who are much heavier than I am and people who are lighter. The amount of weight we need to lose varies. And yet I think we have all been down this road:
You have a number in your head. That is the number that you absolutely will NOT go past. It is your big red STOP sign. And then one day you get on the scale and...it happened. You are over the number. THE number. So you rationalise, that number was really too low. I'm getting older and people just gain weight, etc. etc. And now the number is higher. Until you pass that one as well. And eventually you will hit a number that for you, is the aha moment, as Oprah would say.
My STOP sign number was 150 pounds. I'm barely over five feet tall. I could not go past that number. Until I did. So my next number was 169. At 169, I come to a screeching halt. And that worked until I got hurt and basically did nothing but eat for nine months. My clothes did not fit, my face looked like a moon but still I would not get on that scale. Until... 176. Are you kidding me? I can't weigh that much!!! Is this scale broken? Panicking, I eat some more. I'm getting out of breath going up the stairs. Back on the scale. 182. That is how much I weighed when I was two weeks overdue with my son. Now I am giving birth to fat. I come back to SP, where I had diligently filled out my profile six years ago and then disappeared. I try half-heartedly for a bit and then get on the scale. 185. 1-8-5. I am bigger than I have ever been in my life. I cannot live with this number. Until I gain .6 more to make a grand total of 185.6.
And that's it. I am done playing the numbers game. We are reversing this train. I have started to exercise and try to eat more healthily and am down two pounds. I intend to continue watching the numbers decrease. And I invite everyone to ride along.
Oh, and the funny thing? The first goal I've set for myself is five pounds under my original STOP sign number. As Alanis Morissette said - isn't it ironic?