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The Numbers Game

Sunday, July 28, 2013

I was thinking about how it took me until I was almost fifty two to really understand that I need support and motivation from people who get it. Who know that losing weight is not easy. I like to eat. I like the way food tastes. I like to try different things. Every extra pound on me is there by choice. Hard to admit but true. I ate my way to 185 pounds. I'm not very tall so I probably look even heavier.

SparkPeople is a very diverse site. There are a lot of people who are much heavier than I am and people who are lighter. The amount of weight we need to lose varies. And yet I think we have all been down this road:

You have a number in your head. That is the number that you absolutely will NOT go past. It is your big red STOP sign. And then one day you get on the scale happened. You are over the number. THE number. So you rationalise, that number was really too low. I'm getting older and people just gain weight, etc. etc. And now the number is higher. Until you pass that one as well. And eventually you will hit a number that for you, is the aha moment, as Oprah would say.

My STOP sign number was 150 pounds. I'm barely over five feet tall. I could not go past that number. Until I did. So my next number was 169. At 169, I come to a screeching halt. And that worked until I got hurt and basically did nothing but eat for nine months. My clothes did not fit, my face looked like a moon but still I would not get on that scale. Until... 176. Are you kidding me? I can't weigh that much!!! Is this scale broken? Panicking, I eat some more. I'm getting out of breath going up the stairs. Back on the scale. 182. That is how much I weighed when I was two weeks overdue with my son. Now I am giving birth to fat. I come back to SP, where I had diligently filled out my profile six years ago and then disappeared. I try half-heartedly for a bit and then get on the scale. 185. 1-8-5. I am bigger than I have ever been in my life. I cannot live with this number. Until I gain .6 more to make a grand total of 185.6.

And that's it. I am done playing the numbers game. We are reversing this train. I have started to exercise and try to eat more healthily and am down two pounds. I intend to continue watching the numbers decrease. And I invite everyone to ride along.

Oh, and the funny thing? The first goal I've set for myself is five pounds under my original STOP sign number. As Alanis Morissette said - isn't it ironic?
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    The best way I've found to stop playing the numbers game is to focus on the behaviors--developing healthy habits one at a time. That way you can be successful & feel better whether the scale moves or not.

    And don't forget that a pound of fat has about the mass of 3 baseballs, as opposed to a pound of muscle with about the mass of 1 baseball. So it's very possible to slim down even when the scale doesn't move much--yet you are stronger, you look better, and your body burns more calories.

    You are doing emoticon
    Blessed Be, Amanda emoticon
    2063 days ago
    Wonderful blog.....thanks for sharing, sweetie!!! emoticon
    2063 days ago
    I wrote a blog similar to this under my harmonyblue user name. For me it was a dress size. I go shopping and I have to buy a larger size, but rationalize the garment I want just "runs small". When it no longer fits and I have to go up another size, I am already comfortable (relatively speaking) with the new number (which of course must have shrank in the dryer) so when I go shopping this time, I have to start the whole denial process again and before I knew it I was up two dress sizes! Without ever managing to admit it was because I was getting bigger, not my clothes getting smaller.
    2063 days ago
    It's so true. my stop sign numbers were 160, 180 & 200. I never EVER thought I would get over 200. I was thin my whole life. I graduated high school @ 97 pounds. I never had a weight problem. But getting out on my own, caused weight to add quickly. I met my husband when I was 139, and got married to him @ 200. I was shocked back then, and I can't believe that I let myself go over that #. I haven't felt like myself since I gained all this weight. I'm looking forward to being back to 'normal'...back to myself again.
    2063 days ago
    We're on this ride together! Having support from others on this journey is so important. We can do it. emoticon
    2063 days ago
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