Saturday, July 27, 2013
So even though I know I should only weigh in once a week, after Wednesday and seeing a .6 lb gain, I weighed myself on Friday. And I had dropped two pounds. Woo hoo! Even though SP only credits me for one (when I joined I was 185 and they don't consider the possibility that people might go up, not down), I really lost two. I officially came back and started setting goals for myself on July 12th, so it's been two weeks. I think I had started logging in to SP a week before that and then started to lose focus, didn't walk on the treadmill for a week and almost gave up again. But I gritted my teeth, reached out to some wonderful people and am back on track.
It was so hard for me to get on that treadmill. I came up with every excuse in the book not to plus a few that weren't in the book. I am a Grade A procrastinator. But when my son pointed out that I hadn't been on the treadmill in a week - he could tell because I put stickers on my calendar to track my exercise and motivate myself - I thought, I'm going to do this. I am going to set a good example for my child. So I grabbed my Kindle ( I'm rewarding myself for working out by allowing myself to watch Doctor Who episodes ONLY when I am on the treadmill), a stick of gum, a bottle of water and dragged myself out to the garage. That was five days ago and I cannot believe the difference in how I feel. All those nutters going on about how exercise makes them feel better? They were RIGHT. Who knew?
I feel better. Stuff is shifting around. My self esteem is increasing. I am taking care of myself. Finally. I can't say that I'm there yet - two weeks is a drop in the bucket - and I know there will be days when I'm not going to feel like doing anything. But if I can do this for the majority of the time and stop beating myself up for being human and not being perfect, I think I'm going to succeed. Let me say that again. I am not perfect. I am human and I have made, do make and will continue to make mistakes. But that's okay.
The bonus to this revelation is that I have increased energy. I haven't had an afternoon nap since I started exercising. And I love my naps. Things are getting done that I have been putting off.
The first few days that I walked were not great. My feet hurt. I wanted to stop. I sweated a lot. But I kept going and by day three, I could feel a difference.
I'm excited. I think I am starting to see the big picture. Eating right and exercising are not forms of torture and denial. It's taking care of yourself, letting you have the life you've earned and want. I'm going to keep going.