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Magical Post-It Notes Are The Solution!

Friday, July 26, 2013

So, I took the Spark People quiz "How Positive Is Your Body Image?"

I knew what the outcome would be. Mostly I did it for laughs.

My official results were: "You need to work on your body image."


REALLY Spark People? Do ya' think?!

They then gave me some recommendations...

Say something nice about yourself. For every negative thought, come back with a compliment. If you need to, write a few on post-its and stick them to the mirror or your computer screen.

(Yes, I'm sure that would work. Post-it notes are miraculous. They have magical wish-granting powers.)

Retrain your brain. Practice mindfulness by realizing your thought patterns, and reversing them if they are damaging. For example, when flipping through a magazine or watching television, if you notice yourself thinking, "Wow, if I only looked like that, then I’d be happy," remind yourself that looking like that requires make-up, special angles, airbrushing, and sometimes very restrictive diet and exercise plans (as well as great genetics). Plus, happiness is a state of mind, not the shape of your body.

(I work with television cameras every day. I see those folks without their makeup. Guess what? Without their makeup, they are still thin. True story.)

Stop criticizing yourself and start criticizing the ads. Research the techniques that their creators employ to get the final, unrealistic result, and analyze ads instead of taking them at face value.

(Again, I work in media. My husband is a graphic designer. I can analyze the heck out of an ad. It doesn't help.)

Exercise because it makes you feel good. If you hate the gym but drag yourself there just because you want to maintain your appearance, stop going! Instead, find an activity that you enjoy, like hiking, swimming, dancing, walking, biking, gardening, or sports, and stay fit that way instead.

(Done that for years. Doesn't work. You got anything else?)

Be patient with yourself. Years of brainwashing won't disappear overnight. But if you adopt these techniques, bit by bit you'll learn how to like your body. After all, it's the only one you’ve got, so you're much better off appreciating it!

(Whatever...I guess you don't have anything else.)

Wow...The solutions were all exactly as I imagined they would be! It seems to me the advice handed out by quizzes like this are written by large computers, in the basement of Spark People HQ. They are designed to give unoriginal ideas, based on high school counselors' motivational speeches.

I really would rather get answers that told me to stop whining and get moving.

Don't like how things are? CHANGE THEM.

Yes, people WILL judge you based on your weight. That's what people do. People are shallow and cruel. SO DEAL WITH IT.

Doing daily positive affirmations with Stuart Smalley isn't going to help. Seriously. It won't.

And now, on that happy note, I will leave you with this hilarious vintage ad...

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I guess I'm getting a little cynical too. I think most of us already know what we need to do, the trick is to find out why we are having so much trouble DOING it.
    LOVE this ad!
    1761 days ago
    I suggest adding your blog to the Spark suggestions! It is so much more REAL. This ad is hilarious!
    1761 days ago
    My exact reaction to the quiz! LOVE your version of the results/ advice much better :) :)
    1762 days ago
    Yay! I LOVE rainbows and unicorns!
    1762 days ago
    Hush now... positive affirmations, and being the "victim" of the evil empire, and creating your own reality of rainbows and unicorns and glitter is what we're all supposed to do these days! Come on - the "experts" all say that this is what is needed for a happy, united world (I'm sure there's a song in there somewhere...). How dare you imply that there is an actual *real* reality that we need to deal with!

    Nice to see that you're back at biting and cynical (but you need to get the sarcasm flowing a bit more, there...)!

    And don't you be dissing my magical post-it notes! That's where I've been keeping any attempts at rational thoughts for these past couple of years while my brain's been "having issues"... They really are magic, I tell you! I keep finding ones that have my writing on them, but say things that I'm sure have never crossed my mind... emoticon
    1762 days ago
    Love the ad!
    1762 days ago
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.