Thursday, July 25, 2013
Rather than writing a series of negative posts, I'm going to condense my crabbing into a single blog entry. I need to vent a little bit today.
Dear "The SparkPeople Blog": Remember back when you used to post AT LEAST one new post a day? Remember when half your posts weren't courtesy of Family Circle? I do. SparkPeople, what happened? Did you fire your contributors? The lack of new content is getting me down, and after years on SparkPeople, I'm starting to think about joining MyFitnessPal. Do you really want it to come to this??
Dear left foot: Why am I constantly injuring you? Every time I start getting into a rhythm, something happens and I have to lay off the running and let you re-cooperate. This is getting really irritating.
Dear former friends that I Facebook/Twitter stalk: Why is it that everyone that I know or have known runs? When I started running, it didn't matter that I was "slow" because I could take pride in the fact that I was running. Now, all the old feelings are coming back, and it's no longer about feeling good about what I'm doing. It's about feeling inferior to those people that have been running just a little bit longer and are far above and beyond what I can do.
Dear self: This sucks. I haven't even run 5K yet (much less a 5K race) and it already doesn't feel like enough. When I finally do, I know I'm not going to feel a sense of accomplishment, because "everyone" can do it. I won't even be able to justify my slowness based on being overweight (because I'm not) or my age (because I'm not "that" old).
I get it....it's not about what everyone else thinks. It's about what I think. But I've always been my own worst critic. I minimize my successes to the point that they feel like failures. I always could have done better. Or my success was too "easy" so it doesn't count anyway.
I invalidate my successes. That's why I feel like I'm always losing.
For instance, it doesn't matter that I hit a weight goal today, because my "fat percentage" is still higher than I'd like to be. It only "counts" if my weight and fat percentage are both where I want them to be. Oh, and my waist and hips both have to be smaller.
Once my stupid foot gets better, I'll be running again. Even if I can't take pride in it, at least I know I'm doing it I suppose. Hopefully that will count for something :(