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Perfectionism is my enemy....and some photos!

Thursday, July 25, 2013

I have come to the strong conclusion that perfection is pretty much my worst enemy. I am constantly caught up in the vicious cycle of "if-I-can't-do-it-perfectly-th
can" and then I end up stressed because everything that I want to get done is not getting done. I have a serious problem: this I know! Anyone else suffer from this problem?? Or am I all alone out here on this one? I have decided just today that my main goal in life for the next month is going to be "don't wait to do what you can do right now...even if it isn't perfect". I am pretty sure that one simple goal will take care of a few of my other goals all in one full swoop!

So, in the spirit of not waiting do something, I am going to type up a quick blog update and get it posted. No perfection here. Just a quick update on where I am, what I am doing and most of all some incentive to myself that invariably comes from typing up a blog and posting it on Spark.

So many thoughts running through my head right now, so many things I want to blog about...and hopefully not bore you all in the process!

I'm going to be honest, 2013 has just not been the best year so far. I don't often feel this way, but this year has just been something else. And this month has been no exception. I started out the month with a wonderful 36th birthday celebration. My hubby and daughter worked really hard to make me feel special. It was wonderful! They spoiled me in so many ways and I felt so special! But then.... the very next day, Amanda broke up with her boyfriend of 3 1/2 years. I had no idea it would be so hard on me, let alone her! I felt her pain so deeply that I woke up the next morning with one of the panic attacks that I was getting last fall. They were such a cute couple and after being around and participating in family activities for 3 1/2 years the boyfriend was almost like a son to us. Oh, well! Gotta stay strong and make Amanda my first priority - even though I am cringing inside on her new heartthrob. He has bad guy written all over his actions. Ugh! She is 18 though and going to have to work it all out. And she is a smart girl. She will figure it all out.

In addition to the kid issues, we are also dealing with losing two people from my husband's office to cancer in a pretty sudden, 3-months to live scenario. It is a pretty good reality check. The gal is quite a bit older, but the guy is only 63. Both great people. My grandmother (who has always been a huge support to me) is also dealing with ovarian cancer. Right now she is in the middle of chemo and doing well, but we don't know long term what will happen. I am sure I am just a weak person, but the emotional toll of dealing with everything has been showing itself. That in addition to knowing that Amanda is leaving for college in 6 weeks is causing me some minor depression. I am pretty sure that if I stopped my calming exercise habit I would lose my mind all together.

But in spite of everything that is going on, I really want to make sure that 2013 is a great year in total and I am determined to have fun and make memories and do fun things regardless. And I think a big part of that is not only continuing my workouts, but really focusing on achieving my goals. Even stressful days look better when you fit in a good workout.

I was thinking about it the other day (this thinking was prompted by a blog I read by someone else - I apologize that I can't remember who) about where I will be if I continue my current trend on weight and health, especially considering that I gained a nice 14 pounds last winter and am still struggling to get rid of it. This is a pretty sobering thought. I have no desire to let this trend continue. It has to stop here and now.

No new plans for me really. Just making myself focus on what I have already laid out - and making sure I don't let perfectionism creep in. A 20 minute run is better than no run at all! One on-track meal is better than complete abandonment of my plans, etc. etc. I am going to turn this trend around!

On the fun side of things, I ran the Minor's Jubilee 5k Fun Run last Saturday right in our home town. It was super hot and I was super slow (32:30) but I did finish so I am considering it a win. I will definitely do better next time! And thanks to being out in the sun all weekend I am sporting a decent tan. Liking it!

5k Glow!

We also entertained a family friend from across the state all weekend. He is in the middle of a nasty divorce so our goal was to help him have a good time and forget his problems. It was lots of fun! We never go out drinking, but we did this weekend: twice! And I have to admit, it was pretty cool partying with two guys, one on either side of me at the bar, both giving me lots of attention. It did wonders for my ego! We talked, laughed and had a great time all weekend!

With hubby at Bull Riding on Saturday night.

I am going to be traveling this weekend, but am determined to stay on track as much as possible. I will report back on how it goes.

Hope everyone is having a great week!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I was really moved by your writing about your daughter's break-up. My kids are both so young still, but I remember how deeply it hurt when I was a teenager and my two great relationships ended in those years. The pain is something I never expected to have to feel again. Reading about your experience though, made me think about how I would feel in that situation many years from now with my kids, and yeah... wow... I was right there with you it felt like. Especially when you mentioned how her boyfriend had become part of the family, like you son. Crazy. Your daughter is so lucky to have you as her mom, someone with such sympathy and love.
    1695 days ago
    This is a delayed response (sorry!) I just wanted to say this really struck a nerve with me - I completely understand how perfectionism can sometimes wreck our best intentions. I remember when my son was first born 10 years ago, I wouldn't go to the gym because I didn't have 60-90 minutes to work out (which I could do before, when I didn't have an infant at home!). It took me several years (and pounds gained) to realize that 20-30 minutes is better than 0, even if it's not what I consider my "ideal" workout. Same with my running - I told myself, I can't run 3 miles any more (due to being out of shape) so I might as well not run. Eventually I learned it was better to get out and do 2 or 3 miles with frequent walk breaks than to do nothing at all!

    These are hard lessons for a perfectionist. But you are SO on the right track. Just do what you can and try to quiet the little voice inside your head that is guilting you for not being "perfect."

    Love the race pic by the way! You have that 5k glow for sure! I love the "high" I get after I run a race - even though I finish at the back of the pack! :)
    1763 days ago
    I am definitely in the same boat re: perfectionist tendencies. But, I'm realizing it and taking more risks. There's never going to be a perfect time to do anything, so if you don't just dive in, you'll never do it. There's no such thing as perfect. Keep up your great work!
    1770 days ago
    Been a rough year for lots of people it must be that dreaded number 13! Guess this means that 2014 is going to be SO full of wonderful good things that our hearts just might not be able to take it emoticon I hope so anyway!

    I hear you on the perfectism thing...but nothing will ever be perfect. We have to deal with the here and the now and it sounds like you are starting to do that!

    The 5k afterglow is a great look for you!
    1779 days ago
    Hello luv. Happy belated birthday. I'm so sorry that this has been a less than stellar year for you. I hope that the rest of this year begins to look up.
    Perfectionism is an evil little devil on our shoulders. Telling us what we should and shouldn't be. What we should and shouldn't do. It's great to strive for better but perfectionism tells us that our better is never good enough. I've grown to learn that one must combat perfectionism with the truth. The truth is that trying our hardest IS GOOD ENOUGH. Even if our good enough doesn't measure up to what a perfect outcome would be. It is so great that you are facing this demon and learning ways to get past the feeling of needing to be perfect. I think it is something that we just have to work on daily. I know for me that I have a daily battle with not needing to be the perfect friend or perfect spouse. People love me, mistakes and all. And I am slowly learning to do the same.
    I hope the next few months are filled lots of self realization about how wonderful you, me, and our sp friends are imperfections and all. :)
    1783 days ago
    Perfectionism is definitely a problem of mine. Right now I'm just going with it though. I've been "perfect" for almost 90 days now with my diet and exercise, but I do constantly dread that day where something pops up and ruins my plan. I am not even a little bit adaptable at this point.
    1790 days ago
  • LYNSEY723
    You can do this! I am in the same boat as you... if it's not perfect it's not good enough. I'm working on allowing myself to just do what I can and not get tooooo upset with myself if I skip a workout or eat too much.

    You can do this!
    1791 days ago
    You look super happy in the 5k picture! I also understand about the need to reign in the eating after a gain. The upward trend is not the trend I want to see. At all. Hang in there! You've got this.
    1791 days ago
    I agree! I think I posted about perfectionism in a recent blog post of mine too.

    Don't let "the man" get you down!
    1791 days ago
    Any step forward is progress! Keep up the great work! I've had years like that too (last year for me) and it feels like you will never see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it always comes, so hang in there! emoticon
    1791 days ago
    I can totally relate to the perfectionist syndrome and this is something I have been working on this year, so you are not alone. That is how I used to approach fitness, I have to be perfect, I have to run not walk, do classes, be perfect. But I realized it was holding me back. It took me a while but I finally got to the point where I am ok that I a walker not a runner because I like it and I can make it my lifestyle instead of dreading it. My goal has been consistency, not perfection!!!

    Hang in there! You are right 20 minutes is better then no minutes!!

    1791 days ago
    Well, I am definitely not a perfectionist so I can't relate to you on that one! ;) Sounds like so much is going on at one time, it's understandable to be overwhelmed with emotions. I know you'll come out stronger on the other end. Love the pics! You definitely have a glow in both of them!
    1791 days ago
    You're working toward something and thats all that matters!
    1791 days ago
  • SUGIRL06
    Sounds like you are holding it together pretty well with everything you have going on! No one can ever be perfect, just do what you can right?
    1791 days ago
    You are definitely NOT alone... In fact I just wrote about perfectionism on my blog yesterday. It's a long, fairly negative entry (I was in a bad mood) but if have a minute, in some ways I think you'll relate. Mine is focused primarily on weight (for much of it) but I do talk about the perfectionism thing....


    1791 days ago
  • EG8383
    it's not about doing things perfect or how fast you did's about getting up and just doing them! With time and experience we perfect the things we are doing without even putting much thought into it. I think it's an excuse to not do it so next time say "ahhh screw it!" and just do it! =) you'll be happy you did. I've had a rough year also you're not alone but look on the bright side we're still here right? Pushing and still trying! It's life =) We help pick each other up and we chug along. You look beautiful in your 5K pic! You're a winner in my book! =) Hugs
    1791 days ago
    I can 100% relate to your "if I cant do it perfect then I wont - ill just wait till I can" but I also learnt that it does no good and doesn't serve me in any way... all it does is provide me with an excuse. One of my favourite running motivational pics says "you don't have to go fast, you just have to go" :)
    1791 days ago
    because you are worth it!
    1792 days ago
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