A Gift

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

My cancer is back, and so is the shock and fear that came with my first diagnosis. The uncertainties are back, too, as I found out yesterday that the last 21 weeks of chemo and CT scans were unsuccessful and while the cancer did not spread, chemo did not “knock it down”! My oncologist is going to try a new routine Monday with a drug that is used for ovarian cancer. I will have 5 intense chemo treatment days beginning Monday and he promised me that there would be many side affects so once again I wonder about more cancer treatment and about my future.

Sharing this experience has been essential to helping me cope with having cancer.  Most obviously, it’s therapeutic to confront and write about my fears. Come visit when you can...doing so helps release my anxiety and gives me a sense of control over my life.  But more deeply, writing about cancer gives me a a purpose for my life.  From this terrible disease, I can create and communicate my experiences with others and this is what gives me hope!

So I ask that you not be afraid of me because you don't know what to say, but rather give me strength to keep on fighting because you have my back!

I was given a gift, wrapped shabbily,
it was non-returnable, non-refundable!
Reluctantly I accepted it.

In it I found courage I never knew existed
and a patience far beyond anything ever experienced.

I was given the ability to trust a stranger with that most dear to me,
and an endurance for the unknown.

I was given unconditional love of family and friends,
always there, never stopping, never faltering.

I was given many prayers from far and wide,
and the warmth of knowing I am truly cared about.

I was given a fond farewell of my modesty and vanity,
and the acceptance and love of an imperfect body.

I was given a strong shoulder to lean on when that
shoulder had once grown distant, and laughter and good times, more special than ever before.

I was given many new friends,
wonderful, courageous folks I am so very proud to know.

I was given warm sunshine and beautiful green grass,
blue skies, and sparkling city lights.

I was given things to see,
that once before were ignored.

I was given the chance to wake up,
Instead of sleepwalking through life.

I was given every glorious day to enjoy,
every month to savor, every year to rejoice.

I was given the gift of life,
I was given... cancer.

Poem by Linda Nielsen 

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I love the poem. I say prayers for you. Talk when you need to - I will always listen.
    1760 days ago
    Great poem and words to live by. Hugs and prayers.
    1760 days ago
    Prayers and blessings sent your way.... emoticon
    1760 days ago
    You are in my prayers. emoticon
    1761 days ago
    What a wonderful poem. Taking charge of your life instead of letting it take charge of you will help you to deal with the unknown future with hope instead of despair. It's good that you have the strength to share and to ask for help. Many of us are traveling a difficult road, the support of those who care can make all the difference. emoticon
    1761 days ago

    The poem is beautiful. I will keep you in my prayers
    1761 days ago
    emoticon I love that poem; that is how I feel about sharing my experience with this disease. I know you have my back, and I have yours as well!
    1761 days ago
  • WILDKAT781
    love the are in my thoughts!

    1761 days ago
    praying for you every day
    1761 days ago
    You're in my prayers.
    1761 days ago
    My prayers and healing thoughts are with you - I applaud your bravery in facing this head on and thank you for the privilege of sharing the journey .
    emoticon Mo
    1761 days ago
    Dear Jean,
    I am so sorry to hear that the chemo didn't knock your cancer into smitherines. You are in my prayers of course. Your courage and inspiration to others is unbelievable. Your strength is amazing. That is what will keep you fighting with every breath you have. Your Faith will keep you strong. I pray the new chemo treatment works even though the side affects may have you wondering if it's worth it. Only you can decide that.

    We never know what will happen in our life, but that is why the gift of life is so special. We live one day at a time because in reality we only have 24 hrs. at a time.

    Even though we have never "met" in person, I feel I know you and I know I love you. You give so much love to others, now we will continue to give that love back to you. emoticon emoticon
    1761 days ago

    Comment edited on: 7/24/2013 9:38:20 AM
    Each day is a gift We make the most of our life whot it is I will pray for you for healing peace and strength to go trough whot ever comes I love you even though I never neat you personally There is a spark I do not understand kindred soles.
    1761 days ago
    Hugs to you! How heartbreaking to go through all of that and not have the cancer knocked back. Praying this next round accomplishes that goal.
    1761 days ago
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