I do best with a balanced diet based on South Beach. I don't do well on super low carb. I had hoped that with my body being different that maybe it would work. Instead, I got the same old 'cold' body temperature and the extremely elevated heart rate. I stopped that after a couple of days. I'm back to 60 grams or so of carb/day, 2 starches and 1 fruit (or 3 starches no fruit.)
The weekend was very stressful. There was a memorial service yesterday for the last of my cousin's grandparents. I was not emotionally attached to her, she wasn't my grandmother, but it is the passing of an era.
I also had a stressful conversation with my
Dad about our current job and what he expects from me. Trying to get information out of him is like pulling teeth he always confuses me with my mother and thinks I have had her experiences. I'm not her, I was not a drafts person, she was. I don't have a back ground in architecture. I'm just average. I suffer from anxiety over whether or not I will ever get a job doing anything because I didn't even get hired at McDonald's when I was looking for work because I didn't have experience, they didn't need to hire someone that wasn't already trained because there are so many people out of work. My vision isn't great right now, I probably need new glasses. Reading has become a chore. So, studying is not fun either. Every aspect of this current job is a chore. Going there, doing the work, studying for the work, talking to the people. I'm just at the point where I'm truly hating people. They are idiots and they are cowards. They won't even just ask me 'what are you doing' instead they call security and say 'I'm a transient'. I'm not a transient!!
I have a level and a tape measure, how many transients walk around with a smart level????? I just don't even want to bother going to work when I can't trust my boss to not just quit the job.
I truly wish that one of the times that I had died I just didn't come back to life. I can't afford to live. I don't have a need to be here. I don't understand why I was tossed back like some
fish with a hook in her mouth.
Here is my tentative plan for the rest of the week:
1. Workout: Monday
2. Eat South beach style:
3. Aim for 1200-1400 cal/day
4. Increase healthy fats
weigh ins starting tomorrow.
6. Daily meditation
every other day, 20 min. minimum.