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"Filling myself up" without food

Saturday, July 20, 2013

Since dh has been in rehab I have decluttered lots in our condo. that gave me the feeling I could (finally) invite a friend over for a meal. I have done that twice now. what a great feeling. MY (very recent) counselor says I need to ;fill up; my inner hole of being needy. I tend to do that with food because it is so handy and always works. But it comes with grave consequences of overweight and health problems. She is encouraging me to reach out to people to "fill myself up." I totally agree with her. Often (while caregiving and caring all the responsibilities here) I have no spare energy left for making fun outing arrangements. I really did enjoy having my friends over. One lunch I made lobster. and two days ago I made salmon for a different friend. Both events were successes.

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  • ELSCO55
    1765 days ago
    Just perfect!!! What great advice!!
    1765 days ago
    Great idea, I'll start trying that!
    1765 days ago
    This is great! And keep in mind that you don't really need to have the condo in perfect (or even good) condition for friends. Believe me: friends will understand! I've learned this the honest way, by having good friends over when the house was "a mess" and by finding their houses in the same condition. Getting together and having that reminder that we are not alone in the world is so much more important than the condition of the house!
    1765 days ago
    And it is not only that you fill up your own inner space, you probably contribute to those peoples twellbeing that you invite too! emoticon
    1765 days ago
    1765 days ago
    here's to many more happy times with friends!
    1765 days ago
    Yes, fill up with love!
    1766 days ago
    there are so many ways we misuse food when we are not taking care of ourselves. when we are busy at work or are taking care of others we dont have the time or the mental focus to take care of our own needs, I am shy so i find it had to meet new people but i am trying to force myself to find activities away from food.
    1766 days ago
  • 123ELAINE456
    Awesome Blog Chris. Keep doing these things when DH comes home. You will do much better in many ways. You are doing Great. God Blessings to You and Everyone. Have a Wonderful Lord's Day. Take Care. Hugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    1766 days ago
    Keep it up when DH comes home. You need your time too!
    1766 days ago
  • FROSTY99
    That is wonderful Chris. I love having people over. I make it easy on myself usually, I fix the main course and let everyone else bring something to fill in and it works out really well. I also make things and share with people I know don't do much cooking-today I made a Lebanese meal and shared it with a friend who is a widower, some to another friend who is diabetic and doesn't eat right and last to a lady whose husband is an Alzheimer's patient and she is on oxygen 24/7 and doesn't cook. I visited with them as I delivered a meal so it was satisfying to me to know it will feed them for a meal or two. I had invited a couple over to share with us, but they had plans so now we have enough left for 1 more meal for us!
    Keep on branching out and expanding your horizons-it is hard being a caregiver as I well know.
    1766 days ago
    Sounds wonderful Chris .. So good for you my friend ...
    Can you continue to entertain when Hubby comes home? Does he like guests too? emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1766 days ago
    Great idea. Does your husband enjoy having company?
    1766 days ago
    I am SO GLAD you shared what your counselor said. Kudos!
    1766 days ago
    I don't have people over often anymore and I wonder why I don't do that. We usually meet friends out somewhere. Having people over sounds nice - thanks for reminding me to do that soon.
    1766 days ago
    I think the ideas of your counselor make a lot of sense.
    1766 days ago
    I think you have made emoticon progress in decluttering your home. What a great feeling it is to have friends over. It really does help to reach out to others and not be so isolated. I am proud of you for your hard work! emoticon emoticon Cynthia
    1766 days ago
    Filling up yourself with people is great!! I'm not very good at entertaining, though. Lobster and salmon sound great and healthy. Perhaps you could share your entire menu?? My house is so messy and cluttered; I suffer from CHAOS - Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome, but I'm working on trying to create order. I do meet some of my social needs at the YMCA, at Weight Watchers, at my Galloway running group and the senior dance. I also work one day a week. (Could you afford a sitter for one day of getting out?) With your caregiving duties, it may be hard for you to go out, but I feel for you, because having people in is a lot of work AND usually involves tempting food. I applaud your efforts. Keep it up!!! -Marsha
    1766 days ago
    You deserve you time to take care of yourself.
    1766 days ago
    Chris, she gave you great advice. I know I try to fill my needs with food. Loneliness, boredom, stress, fatigue don't go away because we eat something but food seem like a quick fix. I'm glad you have had some well-deserved moments of joy. emoticon
    1766 days ago
    chris you have filled me with hope! Thanks so much for this blog!!

    emoticon You are inspirational!
    dDawn emoticon
    1766 days ago
    emoticon So glad that you are having some Fun Moments for YOU! That is so important, and so easily pushed to "The Back Burner"
    1766 days ago
    your counselor sounds cool. Mine asked so you do this eating after nine. I processed that question later to this is a pattern. I am reading this one lady www.takingbackyourtemple. I realized that after my mother died I hated change so i like routine to be safe. So i created eating into my routine. Decluttering is the best. I hope your husband is doing well in rehab.
    1766 days ago
    Yes care givers neglect there needs Not the time to look after our self
    1766 days ago
  • LIS193
    What a great way to "fill up" Being a caregiver can be very isolating..
    1766 days ago
    That is a really important way to take care of YOU - and it is even more important when your husband comes home - you NEED "ME" time. It was right after my father fell that I literally MADE my stepmother join the fitness center and she and I would meet and swim at least 3 times a week - SHE probably survived his illness, in part because of that. Taking time to relax, socialize, and enjoy yourself is really important.
    1766 days ago
    I have this same issue of using food to fill the hole in my heart.

    Doing activities that I enjoy is the key for me. I find it difficult to be a single person though in what I call a "Noah's ark" world -- it seems couples are everywhere.

    Church is not filling my need. In fact, I am considering leaving my present church because I have minimal success in getting women's activities going. There are not many single people my age there either. I try to social with people from work but all they talk about is work!

    So, keep it up, Chris. You need to have respite from caregiving so that you can take care of youself. emoticon

    1766 days ago
    1766 days ago
    I love this idea - and what is wonderful is you were 'filling' your friends up too! I'm going to do the same kind of thing today when I have lunch with my Red Hat friends at a neighbor's home - it is a potluck and I'm bringing a low fat, no sugar salad to contribute. What I have to remind myself of is to let my friends' company fill me up rather than eating too much!! emoticon
    1766 days ago
    Don't forget to also do other activities besides eating. If you can get involved in a club, a team, or a group (find people who enjoy the same things you do) you'll get to meet some new people that you have things in common with and enjoy some fun activities with them to burn off calories.

    This is why I've also mentioned to you about the possibility of having your husband stay in some form of care facility. I know you didn't want to do that, but look at the person you're becoming without all the constant stress of being his full-time caregiver. You can still visit him frequently, but you can also put yourself first for awhile every day. I know you still want him to come home when his rehab stay is over; just remember this time and keep in mind that as you age it will be harder for you to take care of him. So whether it's next year, in 5 years, or in 15 years, when you can no longer do all that he needs you to do, understand that it will help him to get the constant care (and pushing to do his PT and such) and help you to have the time and ability to take care of yourself. It is never an easy decision for anyone - spouse, sibiling, kids, etc - to decide when it's time to put a loved one into a facility where they can get all of their needs met. (I know I'm going to end up in a care facility at some point, decades before I 'should' be in one, because I have no one to take care of me as my conditions progress. But we can only react to what life gives us to deal with.)
    1766 days ago
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