Grey Hair Jokes
Friday, July 19, 2013
By popular demand -
Grey Hair Jokes
Proof of Age
A senior citizen decided to visit the social security office to sign up for his benefits. Upon his arrival the clerk asked for proof of his age. When he reached for his wallet the embarrassed man realized he had left it home. After explaining his problem to the clerk, she replied, "Don't worry, just open your shirt, and if your chest hair is gray you will qualify." The senior citizen opened up his shirt and was soon signed up for his benefits.
Upon arriving home, he related the story to his wife. She looked at him, smiled and said, "Too bad you didn't drop your pants. You would have qualified for disability too!"
You know you're getting Old if...
--You and your teeth don't sleep together.
--At the breakfast table you hear snap, crackle, pop and you're not eating cereal.
--When all you want for your birthday is to not be reminded of your age.
--You think Iced-T is a drink.
--Your address book has mostly names that start with Dr.
--You know what an 8-track tape player is (and swear it's better than CD's.)
--You tell your kids their history book is wrong. You should know. You were there.
--The pharmacist has become your new best friend.
--Getting "lucky" means you found your car in the parking lot.
--Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the guys with the Live Doppler 10,000.
--You know Water-Gate isn't one of Clinton's scandals.
--You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
--You can live without sex, but not without glasses.
--Your memory is shorter and your complaining lasts longer.
--Your kids ask if dinosaurs were black and white because they believe your were there.
--You remember "Kent State," "The Maine," and "The Alamo."
--It takes two tries to get up from the couch.
--It takes twice as long - to look half as good.
--You look for your glasses for half an hour and they were on your head the whole time.
--Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off, and that bundle you've spent on life insurance is starting to look smart, too.
--You know the title of a black and white movie from a three second clip.
--You start talking about how deep the snow was when you walked to school.
--In a hostage situation, you are likely to be released first.
--A 30-year mortgage sounds like a pretty clever scam
--When your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.
--You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there.
--The twinkle in your eye is merely a reflection from the sun on your bifocals.
--Everything hurts, and what doesn't hurt - doesn't work.
--You offer to explain the roots of Disco?
--People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
--When you step off a curb and look down one more time to make sure the street is still there.
--You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.
--You give up all your bad habits and still don't feel good.
--You watched "Roots" on TV.
--When you're on vacation and your ENERGY runs out before your money does.
--You finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart.
--You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don't even remember being on top of it.
--You start a sentence with, "When I was young, ..."
--You have too much room in the house and not enough room in the medicine cabinet.
--You no longer consider staying under the speed limit a challenge.
--The old clothes you have in the trunk in the attic are back in style again.
--You still get long distance calls late at night asking, "Did Carter really pardon the draft-dodgers?"
--Your best friend is dating someone half their age, and isn't breaking any laws.
--When happy hour is a nap.
--You ask your kids what speed to use when you put a CD on your record player.
--You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
--When you say something to your kids that your mother said to You, and you always hated it.
--You have more patience, but it is actually that you just don't care anymore.
--You have record albums older than your kids.
--You know how the late-night movies on cable TV will end.
--Someone talks about ironing hair and you know what they mean.
--You use the word "cool" instead of "bad" or whatever the word is this week.
--It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.
--You wrote letters asking Star Trek not be canceled.
--Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.
--You tell the kids about the presidents you remember and they ask "What bills are they're on?"
--You quit chasing women. Not because you can't catch them. You just can't remember what you would do with them if you did.
--You say, "they played music when I were a kid not like that noise today."
--You tell your kids, "You'll know what I mean when you have kids."
--The little old gray-haired lady you help across the street is your wife.
--You think Butthead is an insult and not the co-star of a feature length cartoon.
watch your Answers
A young child walked up to her mother and stared at her hair.
As mother scrubbed on the dishes, the girl cleared her throat and sweetly asked; "Why do you have some grey strands in your hair?"
The mother paused and looked at her daughter. "Every time you disobey, I get one strand of grey hair. If you want me to stay pretty, you better obey."
The mother quickly returned to her task of washing dishes.
The little girl stood there thinking.
She cleared her throat again. "Mother?" She sweetly asked again.
"Yes?" Her Mother replied.
"Why is Grandma's hair all grey?"