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Really need some support!!

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Things have not been going very well. In the weight loss and personal areas of my life. I've pretty much stopped exercising. The husband and I are not really on speaking terms right now I guess. And I'm feeling really hopeless. I've been trying not to binge but a part of me wants to put on all kinds of weight, kind of as an 'I'll show you!' type thing to him. I know what's wrong, I just don't know how to fix it. I can talk and talk until I'm blue in the face but it doesn't do any good.

I don't know where I read this, and I'm sure it's a big name author, but someone in some book was comparing a relationship to a bank and making deposits and withdrawals. Well, my emotional bank is overdrawn. I got no more to give. And he's not willing to do anything about it. But he wants! Oh, he wants all the time!! Then when I tell him I just don't have it in me or I'm too tired or I even try to explain the situation he gets pissed and gives me the cold shoulder.

I'm not asking for much. Buy me a $5 bouquet of flowers from Wal-Mart, and not bc I told you to! Or just simply be there. Show me affection without wanting something in return. Help around the house a little. I'm not asking you to go on a complete cleaning spree! Clean the dinner dishes or fold some laundry! But no, that's all below him. And if he DOES do it, he gripes and complains to no end and never finishes anyway!

I'm just tired of giving and giving and giving, to no end! And what do I have? An emotional void, one pair of jeans that are so uncomfortable, one pair of shoes that are falling apart, and a laundry list 10 miles long!

I want so desperately to lose this weight but I feel like I'm using it as a buffer between us. Does that make sense? I've just hit rock bottom. I'm afraid my marriage is coming to an end, and I'm not really doing much to prevent it. I'm almost welcoming it. But I don't want to feel that way. And I'm afraid until I deal with this mess I'm not going to be able to lose any weight!

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    As heartbreaking and painful as this was to read I am glad to put it all down and read it back to yourself. This is something I have to do to myself when I need a life check. Marriage is hard and weightloss - ugh don't even go there. The analogy used about being emotionally withdrawn comes from time to time but thats when we need look for ways to disperse funds that makes are bank larger - not open new accounts. I don't know if that makes sense but in my head it does.... lol
    You and your guy will need to find a way to make this all work. When my hubby stopped helping with laundry I didn't do his, I told him he was on his own. He acted tough about it and did his for a week, maybe two, but now when it begins to pile up he will throw in a load to help. I can't remeber the last time he picked up a dish and cleaned it but I've made him invest in every other Sunday date days for us. I need that time with him - no kids, just him and I , to re-connect. One quote I read said marriage is not about two people being in love all the time, but rather it requires the two people falling in love with eachother multiple times over the years.
    1765 days ago
  • YB0511
    emoticon emoticon
    1768 days ago
    Wow, I am so sorry to hear this. I agree you both need to sit down and talk about things, both directions. If you do and things still seem hopeless trying a marriage counselor or something along those lines. I also like the suggestion of stop doing his stuff for him. Maybe he'll see how much you really do for him. Don't take this out of your body though, it's so tempting but you are so much stronger then that.
    1772 days ago
  • KAITLYN993
    oh you poor dear :( if you need to binge i say go for it. but i say binge on exercise. when i was having troubles i found it helpful to go to the gym and take out some frustrations. or just do so at home with sit ups and pillow punching. if you do a food binge try not to beat yourself about it later. sometimes its needed. as far as your husband i have to agree with the others, keep trying talking and listening. and if that fails try some outside help maybe.. many many hugs! if you ever need to just rant let me know.
    1772 days ago
  • JENS1974
    So sorry to hear about all of this. I know how easy it can be to fall back into those old habits so quickly when life is difficult. Don't let your husband be your excuse. You need to remember that this is for you and no one else! Focus on those sweet boys and show them what an awesome, healthy, and fit Mom you are!

    Continue to talk to your husband or, if you're tired of talking...listen to him. Ask him how he thinks you feel and how he thinks you both can improve things.

    Maybe it's time for some outside help?
    1772 days ago
    1773 days ago
  • ABAKER34
    You really need to talk to him and tell him that you need him to help you out. If all else fails and he won't listen, take another tactic...don't wash his clothes, he can do his own laundry. Don't make his lunch, etc. He's a grown boy, he can help out around the house. Remind him too that you do need still to be reminded why he loves you, men tend to take us for granted after we've been married awhile. Marriages go through highs and lows, if you do not have any highs at all maybe it's time to do some serious thinking.
    1773 days ago
    So sorry to hear this. Keep your head high lady, you'll pull out of this with more strength than you know what to do with. In the meantime, just do what you can. Try not to binge but don't get upset if you do. I think it would be more of a "take that" if you stayed true to your goals. Maybe he'll see just how much you don't need him to survive and he'll rethink some things.
    1773 days ago
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