Bad Advice/Words of Non-Wisdom

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Well, it has bee over 2 years since my last blog entry... a lot has changed in my life - I got a job, quit said job, and I am now working as a caretaker again - which in itself is a long story.
What has remained the same? My size... in fact, I am probably about 5-10 lbs bigger now... Ugh. Which brings me to my Title "Bad Advice/Words of Non-Wisdom."
Have you ever gotten "advice" or "wisdom" from someone you care about a lot? Well, I have - a good part of my life. Because I have always been a "thicker" girl, an important person in my life tried to "encourage" me to lose weight.
I am 26 and single. I am about 30 lbs over weight.
According to an important person in my life, "guys can't help but NOT be attracted to you because of your weight" - and "maybe you should lower your standards... if you aren't willing to lose weight for a guy, you better start finding fat men attractive."
Every time I try to lose weight, or flirt with a guy, I hear these words in the back of my mind... the result? I generally give up... and eat my emotions and loneliness.
I'm trying to start over. I'm trying to get in shape - not so guys will "be attracted to" me, but so I will find myself attractive. This is going to be difficult... Here it goes!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    When I read your blog, I felt absolute FURY fly through me. I don't know you . You don't know me. I don't anger that easily. I don't mean to offend you, but the person who said this horrible thing to you is mental. Seriously mental.

    First of all, your worth and loveability have NOTHING to do with the number on the scale. You are worthy today. You are loveable today. At THIS weight.

    Second, you are a beautiful woman. (Yeah, you posted pictures on your SparkPage. I checked em out. You ARE beautiful.)

    Third, why do you want to lose the weight? This question holds the key to your success. If your motivation is to catch a man and avoid loneliness the rest of your life, success will ultimately elude you. (Yes, I know. That was my driving force for a long long time. It simply doesn't work because you ALWAYS will feel unworthy coming from that place of motivation. When we feel unworthy, it's like our bodies put out these pheromones that tell other people we are in fact unworthy). Okay, now go back and read the first point. You are worthy of love, of being healthy, of making and reaching your fitness goals. You are worthy of respect. Worthy of self-respect.

    Fourth, I'm concerned about this important person in your life. If she/he isn't building you up, they are tearing you down. We should surround ourselves with people who truly love us and value us for who we are. Those who encourage us with a positive motive in their heart. I had a friend once who constantly used her advice and "encouragement" to tear me down, to try to devalue me. We haven't been friends in a long, long time.

    Fifth, you might consider shifting your focus from relationships to your personal journey. Setting goals--small ones and large ones--and then reaching them will build your confidence. It will also allow you to start trusting yourself. You will eventually get to a point that your inner light will shine out for everyone to see. The relationship will fall into place eventually. You want someone who is worthy of you. Not someone who you've settled for to avoid loneliness. (been there, done that too.)

    Hugs!!!! Please forgive me for fussing. Your blog really made me emotional.
    1741 days ago
    Thanks, MMCOOL_1 - I really appreciate your encouragement & will definitely look up those quotes! I need to stay positive :)
    1741 days ago
    Oh, my word! I am so sorry that this person in your life has said something so completely out of line and off-base emoticon Don't listen to him/her! None of it is true.

    I agree with your last paragraph, which alluded to the self-love that is important. This is as much a mental game as it is an action/oriented one. If you are into inspirational quotes, you could find some here on SP that could help:

    Maybe put a few up around where you live to remind yourself of why this lifestyle change is important -- because YOU are important.

    1741 days ago
  • ZRIE014
    don't give up. set your goals and make a plan to reach it.
    1742 days ago
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