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Long time, no blog

Sunday, July 14, 2013

In the past year, I have been through some pretty sad stuff. My mother was diagnosed with cancer in June of 2012, and in October 2012, she moved in with me. She went through chemo and radiation, but still died from her aggressive cancer about 4 weeks ago, on June 12, 2013.
I am devastated. My food choices really went downhill the past 6 months. My will to get better was overwhelmed by my will to just survive. And now I am trying to find my bearings.
I am heavier than I have ever been in my life.
But losing my mother has taught me that I don't care about my weight or my appearance.
I am only concerned with trying to feel better so I can stick around and stay alive to take care of my own daughters.
I miss my mother so much. I cry every day. Some days I eat to numb myself. Other days I don't even remember to eat. I am so very very tired. I'm still working every single day, and trying to just make it through.
So I am trying Sparkpeople for the third or fourth time. Maybe this time I will get it. I want to feel better. I want to not have fibro/hypertension/blood sugar/arthritis/depression/can
cer ... whatever problems keeping me down and robbing what life I do have away from me.
So I am back. Thanks for being here.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    1798 days ago
    So sorry for your loss! Please remember to take care of yourself......for you, not for anyone else.
    1798 days ago
    I am so sorry for your loss. I understand what you are experiencing. My dad died over six years ago and I put on an extra 60 pounds afterwards dealing with the emotional pain. Now, I am trying to lose weight not for reasons of vanity...but for my two sons and husband so that I can live in health and be there for them as long as God wills. In times of despair, I refer to my two sons as my "reasons" and gain strength from the knowledge that my dad wants me to my best self not just for me but for them. I hope you feel better and make sure to check in with a trusted doctor to deal with some of the issues you mention. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1799 days ago

    Comment edited on: 7/14/2013 10:56:45 PM
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