For Everyone Who Responded To My Pain

Sunday, July 14, 2013

First, I have to tell you all that I had over 200 responses to my last two blogs: "In Memory of Trixie" and "So Much More Than A Diet." Although I began trying to answer each person who commented on these blogs individually, I soon found it impossible to keep up with the responses. Therefore, I decided to write this blog to tell everyone how absolutely wonderful you all are! All the things I stated in my "So Much More Than A Diet" blog were reinforced by your outpouring of compassion and support when I had to put my dog, Trixie, down after 15 years of memories with her. emoticon

I was so heartbroken that I was beyond tears. Several people sent me Rainbow Goodies and told me about the poem The Rainbow Bridge, where our dear pet companions play and romp - and wait for us to join them when our life is over. I had never heard about the Rainbow Bridge before and it gave me a feeling of peace when I read it. So many others expressed their empathy with kind words and thoughts - many of you knew what I was going through because you had experienced the loss of a beloved pet, or had to make that terrible decision to take them out of the pain and suffering they were in. Reading all these responses, I started to understand that I wasn't alone. I had friends, and they understood what I was feeling. It really helped me get through those awful first few days when I was beside myself with sadness and, yes, guilt. Even though I knew keeping Trixie alive with drugs would be selfish and wrong, I felt like I had betrayed her. Even though I had been fighting to keep her alive since last November, I knew that all the drugs did was keep her breathing - but, in truth, she had no life any longer. I knew I released her but it hurt sooooooo much. emoticon

Many people, including my Vet, told me to go and get another doggie right away and not wait. I didn't think I could do that. I hung Trixie's collar and leash on the hook by the front door where her leash always hung. I kept looking at them hanging there and I would cry so, finally, after 4 days, I took them down and put them away in a cupboard in the garage. The house just seemed empty to me. I found myself looking at the spot where her bed used to be in the living room. There was a time she would jump up from her bed and come running to greet us when we came home from being out. Toward the end, we had to gently shake her to wake her up when we came home, because she couldn't hear us come when we came into the house.

This week, DH and I both felt the loneliness of walking into this empty house. I started looking at the dogs available for adoption at the local shelters. If I ever got another dog, I was going to get a shelter dog - one who needed a home and love. The first time I pulled up the dogs for adoption, I cried and had to get off the computer. I looked again the next day, and the day after that. Then today, 7 days after we kissed our sweet baby goodbye, we decided to go over to Pet Smart after church because they have adoptions there on Sundays. We weren't going to adopt a dog - we were just going to look. We walked over to the penned in area and this adorable little girl trotted over to us and stood on her rear legs to be picked up. I picked her up and - you guessed it. emoticon

Polly is now the newest member of our household. She is a darling Apple-Faced Chihuahua - 2 yrs. old - and a totally loveable little baby. I cried right in the Pet Smart when I picked her up. I was totally overwhelmed. Polly will not replace Trixie in my heart, but I have enough room in there for Polly to have her own special place right beside Trixie's.

Right now, Polly is laying down next to me as I sit in the recliner writing this. I think Trixie is looking down on us from the Rainbow Bridge and smiling that Puggy smile of hers. I believe she's happy that I have a new friend and companion to fill that empty hole in my heart that losing her left. Trixie will never be replaced or forgotten, but I can dry my tears now and give Polly the love she never had before. I'm so glad we were able to get Polly out of the shelter and into a loving home.

Thank you - each and every one of you for helping me get through the worst week I can remember in a long, long time Spark People are the BEST! I'll be posting photos of Polly soon!

emoticon from Trixie, Polly and Carol
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Hi there,

    I am woefully behind on my Best of Spark Emails, so I just read the So Much More Than a Diet post followed by the others. My heart hurts for you, because I'm going through the exact same thing with my Sammy. I got him when he was already blind and deaf and 11, and seeing him deteriorate in pretty much exactly the same way you described has been heartbreaking. I've taken him to physical therapy, a woo woo doctor that gave him chiropractic treatments and acupuncture, and a neurologist. I have medicine for him that seems to help, but he's not in pain, so I keep him going. I figure, he's a dog, he has no dignity (he does unspeakable things with his bodily fluids!), so as long as he isn't in pain, sad, or scared, I'll keep doing this. But I'm not sure how much longer that will be.

    Anyway, all this to say, I think he'll leave his body soon, too, like Trixie, and reading about how you found Polly and how soon gave me so much comfort and hope. I know that Sammy's going to pick my next dog for me, and I think Trixie helped picked yours for you. Bless you and your family.

    I'm editing to also add that Polly is so sweet! I love, love, love chihuahuas, especially with her coloring. Congrats to you!
    2827 days ago

    Comment edited on: 7/26/2013 11:23:40 AM
  • no profile photo LOVEXAVIE
    What a loving tribute to Trixie!
    There's a saying in our church: giving never impoverishes the giver. Meaning, you can only be blessed by giving.
    I think by giving Polly a chance at a loving, kind home, you just honored the bond you had w/ Trixie.
    Enjoy your new little girl and yep, I'm sure Trixie is happy for you both!
    2835 days ago
    Congratulations on opening your heart once more. I am glad to "hear" that you adopted or were adopted by Polly. You both deserve happiness. I think Trixie led you to Polly, as my two fur babies led me back to the shelter to find my two "new" babies. We truly do have enough love in our hearts for them all!

    2838 days ago
    Carol, when I was reading your blog I couldn't help the flow of tears of both sadness at the pain you were and are going through at the loss of your baby, but also for the happiness you have found with Polly! I know all too well the feelings as we went through the same thing with the loss of our beloved Sweetie and the adoption of our rescue dog AllyBear! I am soooooo happy that you followed your heart and found Polly. She is definitely not a replacement in any way but rather a comfort and an addition! She needed you as much as you needed her and that is what makes it so beautiful!

    I can't wait to see pictures of Polly! Blessings to the new member of your family!

    emoticon emoticon
    2838 days ago
  • ALEXIS1955
    I read your blog and it has started my day off with a big smile. I am so happy Polly is the newest family member. New memories and lots of love for all of you. Have a wonderful week emoticon
    2838 days ago
    The love you have for Polly doesn't take anything away from your love for Trixie. Love just multiplies to fill all the empty spaces. Enjoy.
    Hugs, Gail
    2838 days ago

    Comment edited on: 7/15/2013 1:22:18 PM
  • BRENDA_G50
    I'm so glad that Polly found you. Trixie probably let her know that you have a kind heart and would be good to her and give her all the love she so desperately needed. emoticon Now all 3 of you can start mending your broken hearts. emoticon

    2838 days ago
    You did the right thing by keeping your heart open and now you have Polly. We won't forget Trixie but we welcome Polly also. I can't wait to see pictures of Polly. I'm so happy for you. I know this doesn't lessen your heartache for Trixie but I also know that it can help your heart heal with time. emoticon
    2838 days ago
    Carol, I'm so happy that you found Polly! Does she look like my Baby? She is also a rescue and she picked us out!!! emoticon
    2838 days ago
    Carol....I am so darn excited for you!!!!!! emoticon I know exactly all your feeling. I to said it would be a long time before I got another dog. I to said if I did get another dog it would be a rescue dog. Well it will be 1 month on 7/19 that Bosco went to doggie Heaven. emoticon emoticon It will be 2 weeks on Tues 7/16 that I saved Gingers life. I truly believe that God and my Bosco Boy picked her out and had made plans for me to meet her. Bosco will forever be in my heart and I so miss him. But I needed to move on before that horrible thing called depression hit me hard. So Happy with my Ginger girl she just melts my heart. I think that she is grateful to have a happy place to call her home. I need to get a few different pictures. She looks huge in my profile picture, but she really is smaller then that. She is a med. size gal.
    2838 days ago
    I started to cry as I read your blog, as I so know what you are going through! And when I read you went to Pet Smart I knew what I was hoping I would read, and YES! You found are in no way replacing your Trixie! When I knew my first cat was seriously ill and eventually would pass away, the only way I could stand it was to think of another cat lonely and in need of a home and love and when it was time I would find that special one...and believe me, I did...just like you did! Enjoy your new wonderful Polly! I so look forward to pics of you and your new family member!
    Love & Hugs to you, my friend!
    2839 days ago
    What a blessing that Polly, you and your DH found each other!!!! Wishing you much happiness.
    2839 days ago
  • KELSEY54
    Carol I am so sorry about the loss of Trixie. I am not sure how I missed that as I commented a short time ago on your blog that she was doing better. Please accept my condolences. I can't help but compare to what we went through about 13years ago with our little Lhasa Apso. We now have a little girl with a very grey face that is 11 years and I shutter to think what life will be like without her. I know that when we bring our new little companions into our life, they never replace what we lost but do fill a void and start a new love. Just be rest assured she is watching over you and is in a better place and not suffering. Hugs. Laura. emoticon
    2839 days ago
    Congratulations to the newest member of your home. emoticon
    2839 days ago
    I understand your pain, having had to let go of my special dog Shadow. God bless you for opening your heart to Polly. You are both blessed!
    2839 days ago
    Polly sounds adorable. Bless you for giving her a place to call home.
    2839 days ago
  • no profile photo CD14034154

    God knew the right time to give Polly to you. You both were adopted. You adopted Polly and in turn she adopted you!!! This is what I call a win, win situation!!!

    I know that Trixie will never be replaced, but just as you said, you have enough love in that big ole heart of yours for Polly and Trixie. emoticon adopting a shelter dog!!! Polly has won your heart and you have won hers.

    Be blessed,

    - Nancy Jean -
    2839 days ago
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