For Everyone Who Responded To My Pain

First, I have to tell you all that I had over 200 responses to my last two blogs: "In Memory of Trixie" and "So Much More Than A Diet." Although I began trying to answer each person who commented on these blogs individually, I soon found it impossible to keep up with the responses. Therefore, I decided to write this blog to tell everyone how absolutely wonderful you all are! All the things I stated in my "So Much More Than A Diet" blog were reinforced by your outpouring of compassion and support when I had to put my dog, Trixie, down after 15 years of memories with her.

I was so heartbroken that I was beyond tears. Several people sent me Rainbow Goodies and told me about the poem The Rainbow Bridge, where our dear pet companions play and romp - and wait for us to join them when our life is over. I had never heard about the Rainbow Bridge before and it gave me a feeling of peace when I read it. So many others expressed their empathy with kind words and thoughts - many of you knew what I was going through because you had experienced the loss of a beloved pet, or had to make that terrible decision to take them out of the pain and suffering they were in. Reading all these responses, I started to understand that I wasn't alone. I had friends, and they understood what I was feeling. It really helped me get through those awful first few days when I was beside myself with sadness and, yes, guilt. Even though I knew keeping Trixie alive with drugs would be selfish and wrong, I felt like I had betrayed her. Even though I had been fighting to keep her alive since last November, I knew that all the drugs did was keep her breathing - but, in truth, she had no life any longer. I knew I released her but it hurt sooooooo much.

Many people, including my Vet, told me to go and get another doggie right away and not wait. I didn't think I could do that. I hung Trixie's collar and leash on the hook by the front door where her leash always hung. I kept looking at them hanging there and I would cry so, finally, after 4 days, I took them down and put them away in a cupboard in the garage. The house just seemed empty to me. I found myself looking at the spot where her bed used to be in the living room. There was a time she would jump up from her bed and come running to greet us when we came home from being out. Toward the end, we had to gently shake her to wake her up when we came home, because she couldn't hear us come when we came into the house.

This week, DH and I both felt the loneliness of walking into this empty house. I started looking at the dogs available for adoption at the local shelters. If I ever got another dog, I was going to get a shelter dog - one who needed a home and love. The first time I pulled up the dogs for adoption, I cried and had to get off the computer. I looked again the next day, and the day after that. Then today, 7 days after we kissed our sweet baby goodbye, we decided to go over to Pet Smart after church because they have adoptions there on Sundays. We weren't going to adopt a dog - we were just going to look. We walked over to the penned in area and this adorable little girl trotted over to us and stood on her rear legs to be picked up. I picked her up and - you guessed it.

Polly is now the newest member of our household. She is a darling Apple-Faced Chihuahua - 2 yrs. old - and a totally loveable little baby. I cried right in the Pet Smart when I picked her up. I was totally overwhelmed. Polly will not replace Trixie in my heart, but I have enough room in there for Polly to have her own special place right beside Trixie's.

Right now, Polly is laying down next to me as I sit in the recliner writing this. I think Trixie is looking down on us from the Rainbow Bridge and smiling that Puggy smile of hers. I believe she's happy that I have a new friend and companion to fill that empty hole in my heart that losing her left. Trixie will never be replaced or forgotten, but I can dry my tears now and give Polly the love she never had before. I'm so glad we were able to get Polly out of the shelter and into a loving home.

Thank you - each and every one of you for helping me get through the worst week I can remember in a long, long time Spark People are the BEST! I'll be posting photos of Polly soon!

from Trixie, Polly and Carol