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Illegal Inattention

Sunday, July 14, 2013

It's time, so very past due, to pay attention. I can't point to one thing that is diverting my attention or makes any sense at ALL out of the ridiculous things that keep happening because of my inattention.

But, this is not LIKE me, and is certainly not how I define myself.

The universe has been dropping consequences on me and all around me - like I'm in the middle of a RoadRunner cartoon with anvils falling all over the place.

-ON my birthday my over-used and worn out tire caught a major chunk of concrete on the freeway and quickly went flat. I pulled over in time, and am lucky there wasn't a blow-out or loss of control.

-My weight is approaching (going back up to) my -100 milestone. A few months of plans that I haven't followed through on resulted in 20 pounds up. I haven't been tracking food, fitness minutes, or exercising regularly.

-I used to track every penny that I spent, and I haven't been consistent for a couple of years. It fuels my procrastination to get new tires when I need them, or a new laptop (that I still haven't purchased).

-This borrowed, well-used, olllllld laptop failed to start the operating system this morning, resulting in a wasted 30 minutes when I should've been at work. I was afraid it was the final straw and it had died. Right now I have another chance, but for how long? And since I've waited past the April I said I was waiting for, and into the "back to school" price-hike that I knew was coming.

-I forgot my phone at home for the first time EVER. Ever.

-My bra broke before I went to work, and was poking me in the side all day. It was just in time for a local sale, but could've been prevented if I hadn't shrugged off knowing that I shouldn't throw it in the washer with jeans or dry it in the dryer. It was the only one that was bigger, so I was relying on it to get me through until I was back in my slightly smaller ones.

-My clothes are not put away from the last time I did laundry...

-I can't find my hiking boots... Anywhere that I've looked so far. The last time I needed them I found them after the fact, and thought I put them in an easy-to-remember place -- nope.

--THE BIG ONE: I'm driving illegally, because I just remembered TONIGHT that I never got my renewal for my license by mail before my birthday (2 weeks ago!!!!!!!), when it expired. I can't believe I've been driving illegally for 2 weeks. I KNEw that my license was going to expire on my birthday. I was excited about it earlier this year, hoping that somehow I'd get a new picture or something. How the heck did I FORGET?! I don't do illegal things. :( The other day I didn't even let the mom-n-pop diner forget to charge me for my drink. I try not to even do MORALLY illegal things.

-I forget a lot of things lately.. why? I even had to make a list on my phone of things that I promised people so that I could be sure to follow through. Enthusiasm and "good intentions" are not enough in my book. I have higher standards for myself, and this solution was a long time coming.

Actually - that forgetfulness might be a clue. I think I'm under too much stress and either I'm doing things to alleviate it through avoidance, or checking out for avoidance.

I need mindful eating, mindful living, mindful ACTION.
I need to go pay some bills that will be due soon. :-\ ....Before I forget!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Sorry you are 20 pounds up, you will get it back off though, I have faith in you. I wish you nothing but the best, and it sounds to me as though you are going through a major roller coaster ride called life, hold on tight.
    You and only you can change that though, good luck.

    1762 days ago
    emoticon emoticon
    1766 days ago
    I am right here with you emoticon I think you hit it ... stress is causing this .. so prioritize everything back down would be my advice to you and continue to blog it out and do what you can it will work itself out in the long run emoticon
    1768 days ago
    Oh, being grown up is soooooo time consuming and full of too many responsibilities! It makes me wish I had never been in a hurry to grow up. I know what you mean about having been inattentive too at certain moments in my life, sometimes months and even years! I'll let you in on a BIG one for me - avoiding filing my tax returns from 2006 thru 2012. I was really sick over that so I made a deal with the devil (my hubby! LOL!) in 2010. I traded doing ALL the dishes for LIFE in return for his tax services. After waiting for him to get to it for over 2 years (and a LOT of washed dishes) he finally completed 7 years worth of returns earlier this year.
    Often times "just do it" can apply to many areas of one's life!
    1768 days ago
  • KNH771
    You have a lot on your plate! I completely understand. Sometimes I'm prone to procrastination as well. I have to remember that the heaviest task is the one not started...
    1769 days ago
    stay focused you CAN do it .... get back on track emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1769 days ago
    1770 days ago
    Stress will get you every time....

    Good news - in our state we can renew our licenses online...Can you?

    Hang in there! We're all rooting for you!
    1770 days ago
    It sounds like you have finally started paying attention. What's your plan?
    1770 days ago
    You can do it girl!
    1770 days ago
    1770 days ago
    1771 days ago
  • DIVA711
    1771 days ago
    Ouch - an underwire poking you is excruciating, and so uncomfortable, you can't even put it to the back of your mind! Perhaps writing about all of this will help you get this week off to a good start, wishing you well x
    1771 days ago
  • BRADMILL2922
    Sounds like you have had a lot going on and not a lot of positives unfortunately. Hope your luck can turn around really soon and you can get things back on track!
    1771 days ago
    Rough times, Joc...no doubt. Deep breaths, regroup.

    Get the DL taken care of. I know it sucks that you forgot, but it's not the end of the world. I missed paying a bill last month and got a $25 late fee. I NEVER do that. I'm bad about the bra thing too. Yesterday I made up my mind that they were getting washed separately in Woolite...no excuses!

    There is nothing wrong with having to make lists. We have a lot on our plates. I make lists all the time. You'll start feeling so much better when you see items checked OFF the list that you have accomplished. I know that you know all this.
    1771 days ago
  • JIBBIE49
    Sorry you are back up 20#, but I know you will get it off. I've been listening to the lectures of Richard Bernstein MD on YouTube as he treats patients with Diabetes and he says ALL obese people are Insulin Resistant. I know I am. He has had Type 1 diabetes since he was 12 and he is 78 now.
    1771 days ago
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