Friday, July 12, 2013
Since I've written my last blog entry, I hit a mini "rock bottom" so to speak, and I have turned my attitude around. I had been slipping again-basically, just eating whatever and treating my stay here as a vacation-including a vacation from tracking my food!. I was hanging out with my sisters and a family friend on Tuesday. We ended up going out to eat-even though I had already eaten dinner before I came over!
This family friend used to be my eating buddy-before I finally decided to start losing the weight. I ordered some stuff-a lot of stuff actually :( and then we went to Target where she bought candy, so I used that as an excuse to buy candy as well. it was a pack of gummy candy, and a 2-pack of large tootsie rolls. I ate the entire bag of the gummies, and one of the tootsie rolls.
That night, Adam and I went for a walk. I was upset and really just feeling bad about how much I had overeaten that day, knowing that I had already eaten enough.. I talked about how crappy I felt to eat knowing what it was doing to my body while my two sisters have the luxury of a personal trainer, and were looking great-not that they had as much weight to lose as I did in the first place. I was basically just complaining and feeling crappy, but then I realized that I was kind of blaming everyone else for my problems, and I really HATE it when other people do that, so why was it okay for me to do it too? I still had a tootsie roll left from the giant 2-pack I had purchased, and the next garbage can I found, I threw it in, unopened. Small gesture, but powerful for me, being that I have this 'thing' with wasting food.
I went for an 11 mile bike ride, and then to the gym with my sister on Wednesday. I ran a 5K in 38 minutes, and then yesterday, I went to the gym again and jogged a 5K in 35 minutes. I even got to join in on my sister's workout with her personal trainer. I was challenged and she even said that she had heard about my story from her, and she wanted to meet up with me sometime and just talk about it and stuff. It's pretty cool.
Today I finally got the call that I had been waiting for. I start work on Monday morning (6:30 am!). I'm excited because it's either full time, or close to full-time hours, and we'll be able to buy a car-even if it is a cheap one. I am starting to feel optimistic again about everything. I feel that what was really holding me back was I didn't want to face that "suck it up" moment once again after losing weight, then slowly gaining again. After finally letting it go, things become easier. I calculated it, and I found out that I can still go back to school this fall weighing less than I did when I left-by about 15-20 pounds or so. of course, this time, I really DO NOT want to sabotage myself. I have gotten down to the 230's twice now. I suppose "third time's the charm".
I just have to keep riding this momentum and let it continue to build. I know that I can do this, and keep in mind my priorities.I feel that seeing my progress again will help motivate me to keep going too. I'm fortunate that my sisters are allowed to bring guests into their gym for free! I'm definitely taking advantage of that!
One day at a time. Today is day 3 of sticking to my plan. Before I know it, another month will pass and I will feel even better.
I can do this!