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Another Bad Day

Friday, July 12, 2013

Guess it is only so bad since for a change I have no appetite at all instead of wanting to eat everything i can get my hands on!

Last night Dad was in a very bad mood. He deserves a bad mood, but he was angry and taking it out on the cognitive therapists. He was balking at working and said plenty of people recover from strokes and so would he. Possibly true, but he doesn't realize he has to do the work to get there! He said they make him feel like an idiot and I'm sure he does when he messes up on cognitive tests. He's a very proud man. I just stood there and cried. I told him they were only trying to help and he said they just wanted him to do stuff he knew how to do. I said he hadto proove it and he got really mad at me. I'm sure he has fogotten being mad at me already, but I haven't.

Then, my nephew called to say he felt it would be too much of a problem for him to come home and that if it was OK with me he would stay in CT. It is not OK with me. I wanted to be with him for his 13th birthday and take him to the concert. But, I'm not going to put any kind of guilt trip on him. I told him it was entirely his choice on what he wanted to do and that I loved him. He said he loves me and thanks. I think his aunts are planning to take him to Maine too and that is a trip he is really looking forward to. I just want him to be happy. We can celebrate his birthday when he gets home. That is, if he does get any time with us before school goes back. I admit that I am very sad and have had a difficult night and a difficult day. The depression seems overwhelming at times. Sometimes I really do think i want to give up altogether, but something won't let me.

I'm sad, so sad!

But, I'll get thru it. I always do. My Grandmother and even at times my mom would play that guilt card and i always hated it! I don't want my nephew to know that kind of feeling from me. He knows how much I love him. I know how much he loves me. I'm just very disappointed. I was hoping tomeet up with a dear Spark Friend on my trip too! Alas!

It is very rainy here. It sucks.

My blood sugar has been way high and that is not good. My pump was not hooked in correctly today and that is why, plus the stress.

I wish I could curl up and go to sleep for a long, long time, but I'd have to wake up one day and it would all be the same.

It is all too much some days. Thanks for allowing me to rant! I need this writing time and I need your support! Thanks!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • DANLIN60
    Melissa, sometimes I still am hard on my daughters and it has been over 7 years since my stroke so please be understanding with your Dad; he loves you so much and I am sure he doesn't mean to hurt your feelings ever .I hurt my daughter's feelings sometimes and I never mean to and I don't understand why I do it, I love them so much, they are great to me. I am very lucky to have the best daughters in the whole world.

    I am sorry that Zach stayed in Connecticut but you will have a chance to spend some time with him.

    Please stay strong Melissa, that is very important for you to do right now, okay?

    Are you back involved with your belly dancing group?

    Smile Melissa and give that new puppy a big kiss from me, okay? Can't wait to see pictures.

    love ya and Hugs

    1773 days ago
    Oh my friend! I'm sorry you are so down. Tell me about your eyesight... I know you were not always blind. Is there any hope with a corneal transplant? I wish so much that you could see again. I can't imagine how difficult that is. But you have a wonderful husband and a sweet, bratty, lovable, exasperating little dog... and friends who love you, too.

    Keep your faith, and lean on it when times are tough. That and each other are all we have.


    1777 days ago
    Wishing you relief.
    1779 days ago
    Melissa, you are smart not to play the guilt card on Zach. I will be praying that all works out!

    1780 days ago
    Oh sweetie. I wish I could help you. You don't deserve to feel like this. I can only hope you feel the love and light we all feel for you.
    1780 days ago
    Sorry things seem so depressing.
    Hopefully this will all pass quickly! emoticon
    1780 days ago
  • BEEJAY49
    I'm so sorry the day was so bad for you. I know your dad didn't mean to take it out on you, that just happens sometimes. People seem to take anger out on the ones who are the closest to them knowing they will be forgiven for it. I'm sorry your plans with Zach fell through. Love you! HUGS!
    1780 days ago
    Melissa, your dad is going to have his good and bad days; that is going to be expected.

    I am sorry that Zach decided to stay in Connecticut. I know how much you wanted to spend his birthday with him. I also understand that you wanted it to be his choice. What a great aunt you are!!!!

    There are days when I want to crawl into a ball and sleep all day too!!! You will get through this.

    1780 days ago
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