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It makes me sad.

Thursday, July 11, 2013

This may sound like complaining or petty, but this is something that really bothers me. My brother and I were never close growing up. I was always in the caregiver role to him, even though I'm only 5 years older. When he stopped talking to my mom and step-dad our relationship got much better. When he got married I was the only person from his family that was even invited. The only other person he knew before he met my SIL who was "approved" to be invited to the wedding was his best friend from the time they were 3 to be his best man. The other groomsmen was my SIL's sister's husband. The weekend started off badly when I was told we weren't really invited to the rehearsal or rehearsal dinner, so we visited my friend's grandparents instead. Apparently, even though we hadn't been invited, and had been in fact told not to come, we were supposed to be there because my SIL's mom had purchased enough food for us as well, and we messed up the seating. That's seriously what they told ms.
They had a ceremony in the church and minutes before the wedding was supposed to start they realized that there wasn't enough boutinierres to go around. I was able to make enough out of the flowers that were in the going away bouquet using office supplies (paper clips, scotch tape, and rubber bands) since I'd spent a lot of years working for a florist. Later, someone asked why a couple of the bouts were different and my SIL's mom replied that "well, Andrea made them before the ceremony. They weren't what we wanted." Never mentioning that no one checked the flowers that SHE had picked up.
They decided to only have a dinner after the church ceremony more than 2 hours after the ceremony. I was extremely lucky in that a friend of mine was able to go with me to the wedding (we live in MI, the wedding was in FL). So fine, we go back to the hotel and hang out for a while, but we can't change or go do anything because we wouldn't get back to the restaurant in time. At the dinner, we were the last to show up, even though we were still earlier than we'd been told to arrive, so we were berated for holding up the night. Then, we were literally seated at the table the absolute furthest away from the bridal party table. There were tables of 6, and we were seated with strangers. Two of them weren't too bad, so we at least had people to talk to. Neither my brother or SIL ever came to talk to us, so we ended up leaving kind of early. The next day (Sunday) we went to visit my friend's parents since they were only 45 minutes from our hotel. Later I got an earful because there was some breakfast that we missed (but again, we weren't invited so how would we have known about it?).
Now, my SIL is about 35 weeks pregnant and the only updates I get are the public ones she puts out on Facebook. My brother calls my mom, but since they've made up he only calls me if he wants something. For the baby shower they both asked me for addresses to send invitations that would arrive only a few days before the shower (to people living in MI with the shower in FL), so it was clearly a gift grab. I filled a box with a lot of cute stuff and mailed it so it would arrive on time. My mom and aunt went (my aunt only so my mom wouldn't be alone) to FL for the weekend. I had to have my cousin come stay with me to help me care for my sister since I haven't been alone that long with her since my back surgery.
They never sent out thank yous for the gifts. to anyone. None of my aunts who sent gifts have gotten anything, they've all asked me. I asked my brother to go in on a mothers day present for our mom, he agreed. It was a VERY expensive gift, but one that meant a lot to her and will be her birthday and probably Christmas present. About a week later I get a text saying they can't give anything because they have other expenses. But on Mother's Day she posted about how they did all this stuff for her mom.
I'm now at the point where I really don't want a relationship with them anymore. I don't want to try, I don't want to hear about them, I just don't want anything to do with them. I'm tired of being polite and helping. I took 2 weeks off work to go to FL and stay with my brother after he had a major back surgery because my SIL had to go back to work. Never once a thank you. I just am ready to truly let him believe that the stork brought him (he likes to pretend he doesn't have a family). I just am disappointed in myself for setting myself up over and over, and in him for doing it to me. He has told all these people about how hard it is to care for my sister so people feel sorry for him, but he's NEVER done anything for my sister. He wouldn't go anywhere with her because he was embarrassed by her. He refused to care for her while living in the same house, he's even less likely to do it from far away. He could never be bothered with her even when we needed help. He has never done anything when we're desperate for help, like during my surgery, or when the caregivers quit or just stopped showing up.
Am I wrong for not wanting to deal with them? I don't think I am. I am hurt by it though. It's sad when you can't even count on family. The situation sort of leaves my mom stuck in the middle, so I just don't say anything to her. I don't ask how he is or what he says when she talks to him. I make no comments on anything they post on Facebook. I thought it'd be fun having a SIL, but fun is no where in any of the vocabulary I would use to describe it. And that makes me sad.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    So sorry you have this to deal with. Sometimes people can be totally clueless about the pain they cause. Think of your own needs because they sure aren't. Take care
    1807 days ago
  • KACAR51
    emoticon emoticon
    1808 days ago
    WOW, I think it is sad, when family can be so downright nasty, mean, and thoughtless, and greedy. I feel so bad for you and I am sorry you are having to feel the brunt of their ignorance and shame. They both will be spoken to at the pearly gates, of that I am sure. I DO know how you feel, as I have a son & his wife n 2 daughters. I would like to email you the story. I have a hard time being public with that ONE story. JUST THAT ONE STORY!!
    I do believe though, that it is cleansing to journal your story, and to share it like you have, takes a lot of courage and vulnerability. I love SP and I know our members are kind, not hurtful.
    What's that old saying, Why do we hurt the ones we should love?? I do think I would however, block them on FB. I had to do that recently to a few friends (??), and it hurt to do it, but it is more hurtful to see some of the comments.
    Sometimes I just don't get why people can be the way they are??
    Just take care of yourself and those you care about.
    Huggs, to you and your mom and sis!!
    1809 days ago
    God you sound so much like me, if you read my blogs you'd hear yourself in my blogs and no your not wrong for not wanting to bother anymore. I have set myself up so many times for letting my family crap all over me but we have to face it our families are heartless and they don't deserve good loving people like us.
    They will never change so we have to because we have our hearts broken expecting them to be good like us and they aren't!
    You go on being the good person you are and don't even look at the face book pages it's only going to hurt you more. Just because they are family doesn't mean they have the right to hurt us and we have to realize that we're better then how they treat us.
    So don't feel guilty, just don't bother for your own health and peace of mind. Good luck to you it's not easy turning your back but for your sake you have to.
    God bless! emoticon
    1809 days ago
    Please take good care of you. I've had much sadness due to family not being there as I needed them. Nothing as severe and hurtful as what you've been through. I hope somehow things will improve. It is so very sad! Thanks for sharing. emoticon
    1809 days ago
    Doesn't seem like your SIL's family likes what anyone does. . .never happy, always complaining. You have to make the choice, you have to think of yourself, your health. Sending hugs to you!!
    1809 days ago
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