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Thursday, July 11, 2013

Yes, I am. I'm writing this because some of my wonderful Spark friends have asked... can I help? This is not at all health related... or I guess maybe it is because it is causing me a great deal of stress. All I want is for my daughter to be able to go to college, have what used to be called the "great college experience, get a college degree and be happy and able to provide for herself.
As it happens there are a lot of obstacles in our way. Many of you know that the college is not providing her with any housing. Embarassingly so, I am at a loss when it comes to knowing how to handle this as far as looking for an apartment in a major city especially when I am here and the housing is (or isn't there). I have unfortunately always been dependent on other people to figure those types of things our for me. I lived with my parents until I got married and since then my husband has always manged the "business" end of our lives. I never had to rent an apartment, never had to deal with brokerage fees, guarantors, first and last month rent payments, rental agreements,etc, etc, everything that is involved and everything that I am so unfamiliar with. Why doesn't your husband mange all this you are probably asking. Well that's another long story, but he is part of the problem that is making this so difficult. He doesn't really approve of her going away, he doesn't approve of the places we find for her to live (too far away from campus, too dangerous, too expensive) I am weary and I am scared and I am so unsure of myself and what I am doing. I am trying to do what is best for her and at the same time am not at all sure of what I am doing (good or otherwise) It is getting close to that time when I am going to start to panic that she won't be able to go because I can't get my act together and figure it out. So yes, I am floundering and hope to not be soon sinking. Any kind words of advice would be more than welcome.
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  • LYNSEY723
    I am so sorry it has taken me so long to reply to your post! I was in a bit of a withdrawl and I apologize to you for not being here! Tell me again where she is going to school? It is in Boston, correct?
    1731 days ago
    Hey There! I just left a message on your SP then I saw your blog here. UUUUUUUGH! First step..breathe!!!!!!!!! Whitney teacher is spot on about things working out somehow.
    We've e-mailed before and talked about our daughters College issues. U probably don't remember all the details but I am SO right there with you and I can feel your ANXIETY! (I put it in caps on purpose...it feels that BIG! I know!) Pretty much everything you said above I lived, felt, breathed. Although my husband was Ok with her moving away (7 hrs away) I was the one who had to learn the "college process" so I could help my daughter get to college and achieve her dreams. BTW this involves LOTS of debt....another long saga for another e-mail!
    Just a few things:


    Enlist your daughter to help and get involved in the process ( it'll be ugly sometimes)
    That's OK tho NOT fun! Think of all she will learn! Takes a little bit of the burden off
    you and someday it won't be your responsibility to make it all work out....cuz she
    will have been taught by you Oh Fabulous MOM! how to do it herself.


    Hers a hard one! remember no matter how hard you try or want to YOU cannot
    control it all! NOPE! NADA!


    You are smart. Your girl is smart! You can do this (or survive it...I know that's how it
    feels! Been there!)


    Hang in there! E-mail me with all the horrible details if you need to. REALLLY! You
    are NOT alone. A friend of mine reached out and helped me thru my freak out
    moments (She sent 3 kids to college!) I am so greatful just to have vented if
    nothing else. I REALLY appreciate her and all she did for me at the right time. If
    I can pay it forward somehow then Dandy!

    TTYL my friend, HUGS! Carol

    1736 days ago
    When my daughter was in college she was in a house with 5 other girls. She al so held down 2 jobs while being full time. One in the office on campus and the other in the mall at night. Hope she finds girls she gets along with and they can share a place which helps money wise. She can check with the school if there are any part time jobs to work around her schedule. It will work out.
    1738 days ago
  • SISSIE21
    I agree with everything that has been written so far - networking, calling the college, looking online, etc. Enlist your daughter's help in this, it could become a project for the two of you.
    I understand so well that feeling of overwhelm when you are forced to do things outside of your comfort zone. The way I deal with it is to make a list of what needs to be done and then just start down the list. New ideas come on how to solve the problem as I work down the list. I try to ignore my feelings of fear or overwhelm or that voice that says I can't do this and I just close my eyes and then dig in.
    I know there is a solution for your daughter. The two of you can find it, working together. Good luck! Let us know how it goes. emoticon emoticon
    1740 days ago

    Comment edited on: 7/13/2013 11:31:11 AM
    I also agree that this will work out. It will take work but there will be a good room somewhere for your daughter. As I mentioned before, I went to college on the same street...Huntington Ave. ... Also, Harvard Medical School is around the corner! Glad to have you as a new Spark Friend! Andrea
    1740 days ago
    Does she have a friend or two that she could share an apartment with? That cuts down on her monthly payments. May college towns have school papers that have want ads looking for room mates. My daughters never had their own places at school.
    1741 days ago
    Good luck.

    A lot of the advice you've received it what I would recommend. In fact, I can't think of any things that may have been overlooked. Most of the newspaper websites I visit have classified ads on them and since they are already paid for, they usually give you unlimited access, unlike the rest of the paper where they may require a paid subscription after reading a certain number of articles. Most of them are pretty reasonable for a month's access.

    1742 days ago
    So sorry this is happening. It's stressful enough having your daughter leave home for the first time without dealing with all of this. Some of the others here have given you excellent advice; to contact the school, go online, etc. And remember, you've lived a while since you left your parents home, and haven't done this sort of thing, but you have life experience and good sense, which will help you find the way through to help your daughter.
    1742 days ago
    as one other suggested, I would call the college and see if they have a list of housing. Sometimes girls get together and share the rent. Check out the paper from where the college is. Go online and see if you can get the paper notices from there.
    is any of her friends going to the same college that she could share rent with?
    I don't know if the chamber of commerce, in that city would have listing but definitely worth a call or look it up online.
    The only thing about sharing an apartment with an unknow Is are they safe? That is why I suggest checking them out first.
    There must be some guidelines that the college uses to recommend housing because there are plenty of out of state students every year. I hope that helps some.
    1742 days ago
  • STR458
    I hope you connect to local college community quickly to resolve these problems
    1742 days ago
    the only schooling my kids dealt with was at PetSmart, so I can't offer anything but hugs & prayers
    1742 days ago
  • CDCSMITH2013
    Well, you know I can relate to so much of what you are going through. It is overwlming when everything goes right. When things are left hanging, it's hard to know what to do. The stuff you are struggling with, is the kid of the thing the school *should* be offering guidance with. I'm ashamed that "my" school is falling down on this.
    1742 days ago
    What about networking? Do you know anyone that might have connections to the area where she is planning to attend school? Have you hit up your friends on social networking sites to enlist their contacts, coworkers, alums, etc. that might be familiar with the area?

    How about assistance thru the university housing dept? Do they have a listing of nearby rental options? Or message boards for people in search of roommates, tenants, etc.?

    Is there a local newspaper to subscribe to - perhaps online? Realty and rental info should be available there.

    Will she have a car? Access to public transit? Is there university transit available? That might help to narrow down choices to those in close proximity.

    Do you belong to a church, or other organization that may have a presence in the area? Networking through a trusted group might land her a spot in the home of a local family for a semester, giving her a chance to get a "Lay of the land" firsthand and scout out a more permanent arrangement.

    Are you putting her to work as well? If she wants to go away to college, she should be ready and willing to step up and help you help her find a place.

    Deep breath... I can see how this would be a very pressing and stressful task. I am sorry your husband is playing the passive aggressive game - but you CAN do this!
    1742 days ago
  • LEWILL1982
    Good luck! My sister is dealing with similar situation as she is about to go to nursing school in Birmingham, AL. They dont have student housing so she has done alot of research online and spoken with some people that she's met there. Do you know anyone in the area? I'll send you a message with some web addresses that might be helpful. You might also have your daughter check with the school and see about resources or if there is a blog that current students use to provide helpful hints.
    1742 days ago
    I'm so sorry this is happening. I know you've been worried about it. I have a few ideas but I think I'll write you an email instead of making suggestions here. One thing I've learned in life though is that no matter how bad something is it works out somehow. Hang in there.
    1742 days ago
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