I'M SABOTAGING MYSELF!!
Tuesday, July 09, 2013
Tonight I came to the realization that for the past couple of days (maybe even longer) I have been sabotaging myself. While talking to a friend (DIANDOESSMILES), I knew the only way I could figure out why was to put it into something I could read when and if this ever happened again.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to blame anyone but me. Granted, my weight-loss has made my DH nervous, he bakes to tempt me, he thinks that when I get to my goal I might leave (foolish man). But the ultimate blame is my own!
I believe there are many reasons why I am sabotaging myself, but I think the most important is fear. Sound strange?? Not really. When I posted this question to myself "what next?" another member of the team said she has been on Maintenance for a year and still asked the same question. If she is asking the same questions, what is in store for me? Why am I afraid??
For the past 3 years my focus has been on reaching that magic number and those magic words - GOAL and MAINTENANCE!!! I never really thought that I would reach those things or that it might happen when I least expected it. And now it's a lot closer than I ever thought it would be and I don't know what to think. Long-term goals are suddenly becoming something that will be instead of could be. And I really, really want to get there. I am starting to like the person I see in the mirror, to realize that she has been there all along. I like the person I am becoming. I just don't know where to go after I get there.
This journey has been a part of me for so long and now I have to start a new journey??? A new set of goals??? These are things I hadn't even started to consider until I stepped on the scale the other day and realized that I was within 15 pounds of my goal and had lost over 55 pounds. Goal only 15 pounds away?? And then it was like I started to panic. No, panic isn't the right word, but I'm not sure what is. Then cravings that I haven't had in over 2 1/2 years started to rear their ugly heads, exercise started to slack off.
Well, no more! Tomorrow is a new day. It may be a busy one, but I will also be thinking about what I need to do to get to those magic words, what I need to do to keep me there and what me new goals for me will be.
Wish me luck.