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Mom very sick. Thoughts on life/death.

Monday, July 08, 2013

I am very glad I flew to California for the weekend. Mom was very frail and weak. She seemed very down and depressed during my visit, although she tried to perk up and talk to me. She had no appetite for her food, and by the end of my visit she was so weak she was needed help to lift her leg back up onto the bed. Today her doctor placed her back in hospice care, and back on oxygen. Her doctor thinks the infection in mom’s bone is raging through her system; mom has refused antibiotics because the IV antibiotics make her feel sick. She has attacks of shivering and shaking. She is 94 and has told all her friends that she is ready for the end. I am glad the doctor is focused on making her more comfortable; and that she was given a prescription for atavan (anti anxiety medication) which should help her feel less anxious and fretful.

Sad as it is to see her declining health, my mom has lived a very good life, and she is much loved by all her children, grandchildren, and friends (dad passed away 17 years ago – they had a happy marriage). No matter how much we know that the death comes to all of us, it is still a very difficult process.

I was also struck by young people struck down so early in life. I flew into and out of San Francisco airport. We were all gripped by the massive tragedy of the Korean airliner crash. It is miraculous that so many people WALKED AWAY uninjured from the accident. And it is so sad that the two victims were young teenage girls, traveling on huge adventure to a foreign country to improve their English skills. None of us can predict why some live and some die, and why some suffer.

My 22 year old nephew had come to visit Mom last week, bringing his girlfriend. Mom really appreciated Max’s visit, and she loved having a chance to meet his girlfriend! Max had traveled to the area to attend a memorial service for his college friend – victim of a senseless shooting death. The murder victim (like Max, he was a new college graduate, not involved in drugs or gangs) was found shot by the side of his car; the car appeared to have been in a fender-bender accident. No one called in the crime; but the city downtown had an automated program that recognizes gunshot sounds, so the cops responded almost immediately. I hope they find whoever committed such a senseless act of violence. I deeply fear it will be other young men who have destroyed their own futures, along with destroying this young man (and his family – he was the only child).

I know that all of us die at some point, and none of us can predict when the end may come. I am not trying to be depressed or down in this blog. My message is more: we don’t know when the end may come. We just need to focus on living the best, most loving, and kindest life that we can.

(p.s. I'll post a health fitness update tomorrow. It just didn't seem to fit in this blog!)
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    What a tender, heartfelt blog. I'm so glad you are choosing to make everyday count. You will be in my thoughts and prayers in these coming days, as will your mother. May her last days be peaceful and painless.
    1745 days ago
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    1751 days ago
    Thank you for sharing your thoughts and your wonderful attitude. My prayers are with you and your family.

    1751 days ago
    Thank you for your thoughtful comments and my prayers are with you as you go through the difficult times ahead. emoticon

    It's good to be able to talk/write/process about these pivot points in helps us cope, and it helps others cope when it is their turn, too...but it does take courage. emoticon

    I'm glad you got to see your mother; that undoubtedly gave her joy and comfort. Blessings to you!

    1751 days ago
    These are sad times, no matter how we are ready, and I am sad for you Allison. It is good to read though that your mother is ready to go and still enjoying her family's visits. It must be so precious to get old with the love of dear ones around.
    I am thinking of you. emoticon
    1751 days ago
    Hi Alison,

    It's very hard to see someone we love deteriorate, and as you say,no matter how ready you think you are for their death, it is still a shock when it actually happens. It must t be especially hard when you aren't living in the same area.

    You've been living with your mother's illness for quite a while, and you must be tired and under a lot of stress.

    Your mother understands what's happening, and she says she is ready to go. I hope that she will not have to suffer much more. She knows that she is loved, and that she won't be forgotten.

    It's really good that different members of the family are getting in to see her. I'm sure that means a lot to her. As it happens, I was with my mother for the 12 hours before she died. My oldest daughter and her husband were there too. Mum had a DNR order on her file, and she was very comfortable. We took turns holding her hand, and I hope that comforted her. It was all very peaceful, her breathing just slowed down and stopped. I'm an only child, and it was a real priviledrge to be there with her.

    Take care of yourself, Alison. Even though you are ready, it will still be hard, and yet a relief at the same time.

    Hugs, Gail
    1751 days ago

    Comment edited on: 7/9/2013 2:49:49 PM
  • DR1939
    1751 days ago
  • FISHER011
    Bless you & your Mom- I wish you comfort during this time with your Mom.
    Thank you for sharing this blog-it touched my heart & you are right-we need to remain focused on the present, we never know when we be called to be with the Lord.
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    1751 days ago

    I am so sorry to here about your mom. I am glad they are making her comfortable. You are right! We don't have any control over life. We should live a good life serving the LORD as best we can. Life can be fleeting for some of us and sometimes longer for other. Death is not a respecter of any. My granny was 100 years old when she passed. We knew for a long time she would pass. It didn't make it any easy when the time came. We had comfort in knowing she was a Christian and was with the LORD.
    1751 days ago
    Your blog is very good and very important. If one can talk about death, one will be able not just talk about life but live more fully.

    I know that your mother is old but, like you said, you will still miss her. I hope you have spiritual beliefs which sustain you and bring you peace. Thank you for trusting us with your precious information and feelings. emoticon
    Love, Chelsea emoticon emoticon
    1751 days ago
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