One step forward, three steps back

Monday, July 08, 2013

So, I've been MIA. Sorry guys, it's not you, it's my job.

Well, the job and the knee. I've had persistent swelling and soreness to the point of pain for weeks now and have been pretty much banned from all my favorite exercises. As of today, volleyball isn't allowed anymore, so I'm stuck with boring stupid strength training and walking. Nothing exciting, nothing thrilling, nothing challenging.

I have to go in for exploratory surgery on Friday, and will probably need another operation to shave off some ligament that might have regrown too strong/in the wrong place (hence the exploratory surgery first). It's hard to see anything on my ultrasounds/x-rays because everything in there is so inflamed.

I hate this. I hate feeling disabled. I hate not being able to run free, or even spend one minute without pain. I can't remember what it's like not to be in pain anymore, but I can't take the stronger pain meds the doc wants me on because they interfere in cognitive function and are thus incompatible with my job.

At least the weather's taken a turn for the better, and the aches that come with the cold are gone.

I just hope this is the final fix. I knew I did some damage when the knee started hurting again before Christmas, but not how much.

To be honest, I'm currently at the point where I want to ask they just give up on my natural joint and just do a f-ing replacement already. Just as long as it finally stops hurting.

How do you deal with chronic pain? I've never had it this bad (I'm sometimes crying at night because it definitely hurts), and it's always been because of a tangible and detectable cause, not general "joint so out of whack no idea what's wrong but PAIN!"-pain. Is there a natural way to manage these things? I'm willing to try anything!

Sorry this is another depressing blog entry, I'll have something fun for you soon: Have to write up my experience being fitted in couture and re-made into some glitzy person for a "party". It was definitely a challenging but interesting experience for me (and there were more than a few funny moments in there). Just... maybe after I take one of the good pills. I don't have to go in tomorrow 'til after 10am so I can try taking one and see how it goes.
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    I hope your knee starts to feel better and that the surgery is successful.
    2634 days ago
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