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My horrible no good very bad year

Monday, July 08, 2013

I'm away from home in a hotel right now for work and that's the only reason I can write this because we just moved and I don't have internet. Dear SP friends, do you want the whole story? You can skip to the end if you want. I'm probably writing all of this more for my own benefit, it helps me to get it all out and try and put it in perspective.

This past year has been probably the most stressful time of my life. My FIL spent 9 months in the hospital, had first one leg amputated, then the second, and my MIL spent all her time there, even nights, only coming home to shower. I, because my husband works full-time away from home, spent my winter mostly cooped up in the mountain house with my husband's grandmother. She is senile and infirm and can't be left alone. Usually my MIL is with her, but because she was away it fell to me. Let me tell you, for any of you who have not had the pleasure of being a full-time caretaker for another adult, it's hard. Physically and mentally. I tried to pick up as many clients as I could, for the money but also to get out of the house, but it was a sparse winter.

Truthfully, SP was a huge help to me. You all gave me something to focus on other than my situation. Working out, tracking, dieting, and blogging were my distractions. I'm glad I had something healthy to turn to otherwise I'd have turned to drinking.

Then, in the first week of May, my FIL died. We thought he was recovering so it was a huge blow. A week before he died we had signed papers agreeing to rent a house near the ocean for a change of scenery and because the mountain house needs repairs due to structural damage. Did I mention we've been hit by a number of earthquakes in the past few years? Yes, add that to the list of stresses.

Anyway, after he died we decided to go anyway, and so we started to move. We did the move ourselves and rented a truck for two weekends. I stopped my training program for two weeks because I knew I'd be lifting furniture and boxes every day and didn't know how to figure that into my rest days. The second half of June was terrible, absolutely terrible. I was under so much stress, I started suffering physical effects. I had a stomach ache constantly, my skin broke out, and I couldn't sleep well. I stopped Sparking because I didn't have internet hooked up, but honestly I probably wouldn't have anyway. When I'm under stress I tend to retreat into my own shell. It's one of the several reasons I quit facebook in November.

Now we are almost set, sleeping in the new house, surrounded by boxes. We still don't have internet (or light fixtures, or mirrors etc.), but I've found an internet cafè and even better, I joined a gym! It's nice and new and near my new house and only asks 30 a month which is an incredibly low price for a fully equipped gym. I did my first workout on Saturday there and it felt good. They also offer Cross-fit in the fall which I'm looking forward to.

More good news; I may have a new client. I met with them last week and have had a few conference calls and if it all goes well it could be very beneficial. Things are looking up and yesterday I felt optimistic. My optimism comes and goes a lot lately. I am by nature an optimistic person and I feel like that person is trying to come back. Like maybe she's buried in there and is slowly digging her way out. I especially liked that I was travelling yesterday and wearing a new dress and got a ton of compliments from strangers. Cat-calls in the streets, lol. I haven't been cat-called since I was 20. It made me feel good, like all my time in the gym is paying off and maybe I'm not just some washed-up, depressed, 40-year-old.

I have more to say, but I have to go to work now. Did I just talk your ear off? Maybe 'write' your ear off is more appropriate. Like I said, this helps me to get it all out. Thanks for listening.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I had no idea it was such a hard year for you. Good to know things are improving!
    1793 days ago
  • PCOH051610
    The line "when I'm stressed I tend to retreat into my shell" struck home with me. I get like that quite frequently and really have to work at climbing back out. I'm partially "retreated" now!

    You've had an awful winter! I hope the move allows you to rebuild your energy. emoticon
    1796 days ago
  • KK1973
    Great job accomplishing something positive for yourself despite all of the negative things happening this year!
    1807 days ago
    I hope things continue to improve for you. Keep doing positive things for yourself like Sparking and exercise. emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1808 days ago
  • TIGER_LILY_613
    Sorry to hear that you've been going through a hard time. emoticon emoticon

    I'm happy things are looking up for you now. Congrats on the new house, the gym and the potential new client emoticon

    1808 days ago
    1808 days ago
    emoticon I am so sory for the Loss of your FIL. And I do understand the Stress of being a Full Time Caregiver when you have little experience with that. I am glad you had Spark and your Workouts to help you through that period.
    emoticon Congratulations on the New Gym and the Cat Calls, LOL!!
    emoticon Welcome Back to Sparking. I am looking forward to sharing a Much Better Year with you!
    1808 days ago
    I feel honored that you trust us enough to share what lies deep inside of you
    1808 days ago
    Boy, you've definitely had a lot of bad stuff on your plate! Here's to a fresh new start!
    1808 days ago
    Hey, I missed you! And it's great to be able to read a long post to catch up -- and get to know you a little better! The gym sounds great. Things are looking up! Keep Sparking!
    1808 days ago
    Awesome, glad you're optimistic. And I hope good things happen with the new client!
    1808 days ago
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