I am a huge fan of the TV show, "Friends." It was and continues to be my favorite TV show of all time. I just fell in love with all the characters, their interactions, the hilarious stories they told, the whole aspect of six friends who were very close and shared everything with each other. I often wish they would have a "Friends" movie to tell us what happened to them....even though I realize they're fictional characters. I have the complete series boxed set and watch the reruns way more than I should, since I know most of the lines in each show by heart.
In my People Magazine this week, Chandler's (Matthew Perry) story of addiction is the cover story. I knew he had a lot of problems with drugs and alcohol over the years of Friends. It is obvious in how his character changed sizes, some episodes he is painfully skinny. I always assumed those were the years he was on drugs, and not eating. Then he got heavy and I figured those were the times he was fighting the drugs and alcohol, and turned to food. That's how addiction works, when we shut off our addiction to one thing, we turn to something else. As I read his story, I identified so much with his addiction problem. Today he has opened up one of his former Malibu homes as a halfway house for addicts who are recovering. I think Matthew realizes that if he stays involved in helping others stay clean, it will help him. He has been clean many times, and always relapsed. This time he has been clean and sober for two years. I'm rooting for him. I don't know the statistics, but I do know if you maintain a weight loss for two years (as I have), your chances are only 50% of regaining. Maybe it's the same for drugs and alcohol? Everytime I read about somebody who has maintained a weight loss for many years or beat another addiction, it gives me hope that I can do it forever too.
But it is still day to day for me. Sometimes it is moment to moment. I tell myself if I don't eat that crumb of cake left on Du's plate, I'll be okay. I tell myself that means I'm stronger than the addiction. Damn cake. I made one for our Fourth of July celebration and there's left-overs. None of us needs it. Why do I even make this stuff? I have weak moments still. It is a recipe that makes a huge (and very rich) chocolate cake, in a jelly roll pan. I had one piece on the Fourth and have had one piece since, eaten from the pan, a bite here and there all day long yesterday. I will be so glad when it's gone. It is so rich, I have no idea how many calories are in one piece, but I bet it's around 400. OUCH! The Chex mix is gone, and all that is left is the veggies from the relish tray I made. So if I can just concentrate on veggies and NOT cake, I'll be fine. The scale did not show a 4th of July gain, but it is still about 10 pounds more than I'd like, and 8 pounds more than when I went to New York in November. I got back down to that magic 150 in April before we went to Washington, D.C., too, and came back weighing exactly the same as when I left. I would be much happier back down in the 150 lb. area. So there's work to do.
I have been wearing my FitBit religiously, but it hasn't motivated me as much as I hoped. With the business of preparation and clean-up after our Fourth of July party, Du's and my evening walks with Lola have gone by the wayside. The temps have heated up again too. That is always a good excuse for me--it's just too hot to walk. But I think I will suggest it tonight, as things seem to have returned to normal at last.
Our Fourth of July celebration was sparkling! We had a great time with friends and family. It was an awful shame however that youngest son had to work. He had helped in the preparation so much, and worked so hard getting the house ready. He thought he had it figured out so that he would be able to be home for the party, but the Railroad had other ideas. He even got a call to go to work about 3 a.m. on 7/3, which would have meant he would most likely have been home by 3 p.m. on 7/4, which would have been perfect. But then they called back and said, "Nope, we don't have a conductor for you, so don't report to work." He still thought he would be called shortly, but for some reason, he wasn't called to work until about 6:30 that night, which meant he was gone all day Thursday and didn't return home until about 8 a.m. Friday morning. But when I woke up Friday morning, this is what I saw:
Yes, he was outside, cleaning up. What a kid!!! He's 27 years old, and just the best kid ever!
Here's a few more pictures from our annual party. There was so many kids this year and two of the gals are pregnant and due this fall, so there'll be even more kids next year. I love watching those young ones, they are simply delightful! I couldn't fall asleep after the party, and it was very very late. I probably laid there until about 3 a.m. I kept thinking, "The party's over.....will we be able to have it next year?" The uncertainty about our future is so hard, I have to concentrate on NOW, but it's hard not to worry. Du asked me if anyone asked about his catheter, or said anything to me about his cancer. I said, "Not a soul." No one said anything to him either. He had asked me beforehand if I thought it would be okay if he wore shorts that day, which exposes his catheter tube and bag. I said I thought it would be fine. It's OUR house, after all, and it was pretty hot. I think people are just like I used to be. It's so hard to know WHAT to say, so you end up saying NOTHING. But I think had they not known of his diagnosis, they would have asked about the catheter, so I'm guessing everybody had been told by our sons. They just didn't know what to say to either of us. And I understand that. But now I understand even more how important it is to say something, even if it's simply, "I'm sorry....call me if you need anything ever." Of course that would have started my tears, so maybe it was better that no one said anything...
Daughter-in-law and beautiful granddaughter Amber in the pool.
The Bouncy House that middle son brought along. The kids loved it, and it took the place of more adult games like Badminton, volleyball or croquet.
Daughter-in-law, her sister and grandson Duncan, doing some swimming.
Mia, other granddaughter, in the Bouncy House.
Late in the evening, daughter-in-law's sister had brought some glow in the dark bubbles, which my granddaughters loved chasing. She also brought balloons that had tiny LED lights in them, making them glow as well. It made it easy to find each kid in the dark, if you remembered what color balloon they had!
My daughter-in-law's nephew was so excited about his box of fireworks, he asked me to take a picture of them. So cute!
And I was there as well!