Here we go, go, go again.

Friday, July 05, 2013

It seems like I keep going through this cycle. I get motivated, I start trying, something happens, and I get discouraged. And when I get discouraged, I tend to just give up.


Currently I've all but given up on everything. I'm unemployed, I'm broke, and its starting to wear down my will. No one will hire me and I have two associate's degrees and I've put in at least 20 applications in a month. I can't afford healthy food, because I'm stuck eating what my mother-in-law buys us. I feel bad all the time, and I have no energy whatsoever. I take two or three naps in a day. I have insomnia that keeps me up half the night. I have no motivation whatsoever. I'm at my wit's end.

I've already lost some weight, and it is evident in the sagging around my waist and other areas. Because of the sagging, I feel like I look worse than I did before I lost the weight. When I find the motivation, I'm going to tone all that up.


My husband means to be supportive and helpful, but he has a compulsion to always poke my stomach or the fat under my arms. He doesn't mean it to be mean or hurtful, but to me it draws attention to the parts of me I hate the most. Sometimes I like to pretend like they don't exist. He tries to push me to better myself by telling me I don't need to eat something, or reminding me that I haven't done any type of exercise in over a month. But I don't take well to being told what to do, and it drives me crazy even though I know he means well.

Basically I'm using this blog as a way to get things off my mind without annoying my family or the few friends I have. I'm feeling pretty down on my luck these days. If anyone is actually reading this, I would be totally grateful for just a few small words of inspiration or motivation. It would really mean a lot to me.


If I had a wider support system, I may not hate myself as much when I slip up (which is inevitable) if I have someone to tell me that its okay and I can just get back up and go harder.

[Though I kind of hate myself for asking for motivation... I've never been one to seek attention from others...]


Enough whining for now.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Thank you so much for the encouragement! It really means so much!! And yes, I do need a friend, I would love that. :) I do actually love yoga too. I've taken a few classes before and keep meaning to get back into it on my own. It's just hard to find space in my house lol.
    1808 days ago
    Keep focused for success.
    1808 days ago
    Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings in this honest and heartfelt blog.
    Congratulations on losing some weight!Be proud of what you have accomplished so far.!
    It is normal to fall of the wagon so don't be so hard on your self.Forget about yesterday...Tomorrow is a new day and you can start with a clean slate!
    You are moving in the right direction-- emoticon Don't give up!
    "With love and patience,nothing is impossible" ~ Daisaku Ideda ~
    1808 days ago
    I think we should be SP friends. You sound like you need a friend, one who understands. I too am unemployed, broke and struggling. We're surviving on welfare and it's tough, but I have faith. Faith something better is coming. I work out to relieve the stress of all the stressors and sadness in my life, it gives me a break from reality. Just listen to music and walk and walk and walk. Also Yoga helps a lot!
    1808 days ago
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