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I Can't...

Wednesday, July 03, 2013

If you haven't been following my story and/or blog here is a quick recap. My husband and I are on the infertility path and amazingly had success with our first IUI on June 16th with a donor. We got a positive pregnant test on June 28th. Being our first child ever and very concerned about ever getting pregnant, I am more than excited!!!! My numbers also look great. I had labs done on June 28th and my HCG was 134 and progesterone level was 71. I had labs done again on July 1st and my HCG was 783 and my progesterone level was 71.8. I again had labs done today and my HCG was 2,284. We are still waiting until Friday to find out what my progesterone level is. Now with that being said, we haven't told anyone.... ANYONE!!!!

At first I decided to wait until mid to late August right before I go back to teaching but I realized there is no way I can wait that long. Then I decided to wait until our first ultrasound which will be around 6 1/2 weeks (so we were told!). I am approximately 4 1/2 weeks today with my best calculations! But tonight I had a break down. This is my first emotional break down yet.

I am soooo sick of lying to my mom and my friends and I HATE lying with a passion. My husband keeps telling me it if for a good cause and everyone does it but I don't care! I also feel very alone in a sense. I go in every other day for blood work and would love to have someone I know come with or to share my results with someone other than my husband but yet I can't. I just feel like my husband doesn't get it. I am sooooo very tired lately and he keeps rolling his eyes and I don't think he believes it really has to do with being pregnant. I keep telling him how much more I go to the bathroom and he keeps telling me he just thinks I am paying more attention to it and not actually going more. Seriously?!?! I just think men don't get some things!

With that being said, I asked him tonight how long we had to wait until we could tell. And he said that it was my idea to wait. I told him that I had changed my mind and couldn't wait anymore. He keeps saying its too early and our parents have to be the first to know. I understand it's early but I feel more stressed by not telling them, hiding things, and lying then I would if I just told them. My mom calls and I feel instantly guilty and worried about saying something that will give it away. And I completely agree that our parents should be the first to know.

I decided to tell them with a book and when they open it it will say something like "Something to read to your grandchild! Expected arrival ????" I have ordered the books but they aren't here yet.

I ended up balling through this conversation and my husband just kept saying this was your idea, we need to wait, etc. And I just don't think I can anymore! Of course I will wait until I get the books but they are expected to possible be here on Friday already. And we are spending the weekend with his parents and one of his brothers and sister-in-laws. I guess we will see....

It's been a rough night unfortunately! I guess with pregnancy comes emotional outbursts and this was for sure my first!!!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    With all my 3 pregnancies I was so tired everyday after work that I'd nap for a few hours before starting dinner. I too was peeing alot and my boobs felt huge. As far as telling- my first pregnancy I was so excited I think we told family right away and started telling friends at wk 10 after my first ultra sound- unfortunately we mis-carried at 11 weeks. The 2nd and 3rd pregnancy we didn't say anything and it was only after I mis-carried at week 9, 11 that we told immediate family.

    As many have said go with your gut!!- I love your idea about the book - take care of yourself and let yourself be emotional- hopefully hubby will start to understand ( what to expect when your expecting is a good book for both you and him)

    Happy thoughts emoticon
    1774 days ago
  • MGARCIA1124
    Sending peaceful thoughts your way. Do what feels right for the three of you! I love your book idea and will have to remember it, but I will probably be the same as you in hardly being able to wait to share the news. emoticon
    1779 days ago
    I thank each and every one of you very very much for not only reading my emotional rant but also commenting too! I appreciate it sooo much!!! Thank you! emoticon
    1779 days ago
    I'd say go with your gut feeling and if you think you feel better telling your mum than do! I guess mums are very good at sensing things like this anyway, so she probably suspects something's up already! It's hard for men to get 'the being pregnant thing', because they don't go through the bodily changes - but the changes are happening and they're not just in your head. Hope you'll find a way out! emoticon
    1780 days ago

    Comment edited on: 7/7/2013 1:06:21 PM
    When the Mr and I found out that we were pregnant we told our parents within the first week (however, I was also 7w3d when we found out). BUT we gave them STRICT instructions to NOT say a word to anyone as we didn't want to tell too many people until we were at our first trimester. They understood and they kept our secret but it was at least someone that we could talk to about the pregnancy. We slowly began to tell our siblings and very closest friends but they all had the same stipulation as well....it was hush hush at least until Easter.

    Unfortunately, in our 11th week, we miscarried. It helped knowing that we hadn't made it public yet and our parents were able to tell our other family members and closest friends w/o us having to deal with the dreaded question from the public. I would say telling your parents now is perfectly fine - even give them the stipulation to not say a word, you just want someone to bounce things off of and at least be an ear to listen to all that you're going through. :)

    FYI -- I too was EXTREMELY exhausted especially from week 1 - week 10, it started easing up after that.
    1782 days ago

    How incredibly exciting for all of you!!!
    1782 days ago
    Awe sweetie, I would share w/ parents but I would ask them to keep it to themselves until you are ready to share with the rest of the world. I understand the emotional roller coaster more than you know. I know w/ my second pregnancy my mom was in a coma but I whispered to her that I was expecting and needed her. Please realize mom was in a coma for a month and she remembered 2 things that whole time. She remembered my sister being there and that I shared I was expecting, it gave her the will to live. I needed her b/c after that I miscarried that daughter. Please reconsider what you are comfortable with and don't make it stressful. Honestly my mom usually knew when I would call to tell her b/c we were usually hundred of miles apart. Take everything into consideration and if you are ready to tell the parents do so, don't make this stressful.
    1783 days ago
    That's rather hard to have to remain quiet, when it's your finally successful. I pray your husband will change his mind, so you can share the good news. emoticon
    1783 days ago
  • BEKAH0511
    I know how stressful pregnancy is and the questions you may have but if you feel you should tell your parents then let them know im sure they will be happy to be by your side and support you and your hubby will come around it can be very stressful for both of you and right now you need each other more than anything right now i totally understand the pregnancy hormones i have had four babies my self. and congrats on getting pregnant
    1783 days ago
    I say go ahead and tell mom. You need her by your side during this precious time. Buy 2 copies of what to expect when you are expecting. One for you and one for hubby, he will get it eventually.
    1783 days ago
    I could never keep anything from my Mom. When I was pregnant, she knew before I told her. While I understand your husband's point of view, you really should not let yourself get stressed right now, it isn't good for you, or the baby.

    Do what you need to do in order to be calm and stress free. Your husband will come around in time.
    1783 days ago
    Sorry to hear that you've been stressed over this. When to tell people is a very personal decision. With our first pregnancy, we were waiting until the 2nd tri, but then I MC'd at 9ish weeks. The 2nd pregnancy, I honestly forget when we told. I believe we were again waiting. Then I had another MC. This time, however, I needed all the support I could get and told my family only at the positive pregnancy test:)

    I think you should listen to yourself and what feels right to you. Best of luck!!!:)
    1783 days ago
    I should add this will be my mom and dads first grandchild and they have been wanting Abbe waiting right along with us!
    1783 days ago
    awww I'm sorry to hear that this turned out to be stressful!

    I'm glad you made the decision to let the secret come out. You don't need that stress wearing you down. Soon everyone will know and they will shower you with love and affection!!

    1783 days ago
    The hormonal changes of pregnancy definitely can make you emo. But I think it will relieve a lot of your stress when you do decide it's right to "tell!"

    Good luck and I think the book is such a wonderful way to tell everyone. HUGS and smiles. Take care of yourself!
    1783 days ago
    I guess it's always been weird to me the whole 'keep it a secret until you're sure it's a viable pregnancy.' Not that you want to go running to tell every barista and checker at the grocery store your news, but close family? Don't you want them supportive if it's a go or if it isn't? Both outcomes thrive on as much support as you can get!
    Good luck to you!
    1783 days ago
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