REBECCAMA
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Losing my Spark - Three Year Assessment

Tuesday, July 02, 2013

I had to buy the size 18s. Whether I wanted to or not my size 16s were splitting out on the thighs. Not very attractive. My weight is still going up. My doctor didn't even comment on it when I saw her yesterday to check in on my asthma. It is my own fault. I am making poor choices. I know this. I know I COULD do better, but I haven't been. I've been walking but I haven't been sleeping. I don't think this is going to change.

On the Spark front, my lovely friend who I've never met ASTORRES1 left me to take care of the Pioneer Valley team. I feel like I'm letting her down. After an initial burst of energy to try to revitalize the team I find I am the only one posting in the Daily chats on most days. I wonder if I should just close up the team and move on. JIALCO/Janine is doing okay with the Western Mass team, and of course we all have the popular Massachusetts team for our regional chit-chats. Even though Spark has members in our Pioneer Valley area who are active on the site, they aren't interested in chatting for the most part, at least not in the local team.

So I'm pondering now. Not going to lay down an ultimatum just yet, but between now and my Spark anniversary - August 26th- I will be deciding. I'll be on vacation for part of that time near the end, so Sparking will be a challenge, a commitment. We'll see if I still have that commitment when the time comes.

I did well for a while. I got down to 193, felt like I was getting close to goal, and felt like I had a chance. Now I am moving away from it, going full circle to where I started. It might be time to stop running in circles and move on.

If you want to keep up with me on Facebook, send me a message and I'll tell you how. In the meantime, Spark on and we'll see what happens.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • PATRICIAAK
    ups and downs are a part of life.
    I understand the periodic need to reassess and make choices that best fit life where you are at now,
    BTW: I am not on facebook
    1811 days ago
  • BEACHY_KEEN
    You can do this. Don't give up!

    1811 days ago
  • SHORT_KAKE
    Wow, can I relate to this. I just passed my 3 year mark and I have gained most of the weight back after actually hitting my goal. Most of my trouble is lack of sleep and new diet restrictions making food choices difficult.
    I know we can do this; we were both doing great... let's get back on track and start thinking in the right direction. Let's start by taking one day at a time and be happy with the good choices we do make.
    You made the choice of joining SparkPeople and you keep coming back here, so the desire is still there... you can do it! Hang in there!
    emoticon
    1811 days ago
  • CAR58OLE
    So sorry you are feeling let down... I know the feeling very well myself... but then again I have let a lot of people down too!

    My weight has "stabalized"... but not at a good point! emoticon

    I decided this past weekend to try SP (again)... and am kind of giving up Weight Watcher's... since I cannot track in two places every day!!

    So here I am - hoping to help others as well as gain support for my own weight loss... and happy to say the first 3 days have been successful!!! emoticon

    If I can be of any help - I would love to support you... I don't do well checking in with all the teams I signed myself up for... I ended up leaving a few, and need to lighten that load again!

    I need LESS committments rather than so many I get overwhelmed in a day! Trying to "check in" to 8 or more teams was beyond reasonable! Now I am down to 2-3 (I think)... but feel free to message me anytime you want!!

    I can use the daily support as well!
    1811 days ago
  • HOPESINGH
    Hi Rebecca,
    I hope you won't give up on this journey, regardless of whether you continue on Spark or not. I feel like you deserve being healthier and lighter, and it seems like you're going through a rough patch.
    Why don't you sleep? Are you worried or particularly stressed?
    1811 days ago
  • KOFFEENUT
    I've also had some ups and downs since I've been Sparking - both weight-wise and motivation-wise and team participation-wise. I think as we go through different cycles in our lives things that were important (like taking care of ourselves) sometimes take a back seat to whatever else is happening. I've gone through periods when I participated in teams and then didn't, or left comments on blogs and then didn't, or paid close attention to my nutrition and exercise and then didn't.

    In spite of all that, I DO still feel like I'm on a healthy lifestyle journey. I'm smarter than I was when I started. I'm more mindful (at least I KNOW when I'm choosing a not-so-healthy option!). I'm still interested in taking care of myself for the long term, even though I sometimes make short-term decisions to the contrary.

    Know that we're here for you, always!
    1811 days ago

    Comment edited on: 7/2/2013 12:15:37 PM
  • 4CYNDI
    **HUGS**
    We all have our tough times to get through. So sometimes we need to let it go and move on. Sometimes we need to take the space and time to let our roots plant and expand, giving us a stronger foundation for new growth.

    I believe that you can continue your journey and succeed. Whether that means on Spark People or Face Book or another path is your choice. I know it is tough when a team you have nurtured becomes less active and then peters out. I've been involved in teams like that before. It is easy to get overextended with teams on Sparks, but there are also many, many teams out there for support and challenges.

    The saying about people being there for a season or for life applies to Spark teams too I think and it takes more than one person to keep a team active.

    I wish you happiness to offset your sorrow, joy to offset your pain and all the best in your journey yet to come.

    Know that if you leave Sparks I will miss you. I don't do facebook (although I do have an account I haven't kept up with it for years now).
    1811 days ago
  • CITYGIRL27
    Wow, I was just feeling this same way last week. My 3 year SP anniversary is coming up in September and I am back to the weight I was when I started. I decided to give myself one last chance until the 3 year mark. If I don't make real progress, I'm moving on too. While I love SP, I don't want this to be just another time waster on the internet - I have enough of those. I have kicked it into high gear this week and am determined to get back on track! Let's do it together.
    emoticon
    1811 days ago
  • CATS_MEOW_0911
    I don't think you've lost your spark--you wouldn't be posting if you had. We all have ups in downs in life and with our weight. If you feel bogged down with the teams, then I would say it's to bow out for now. Take some time to play around with what works best for you and find how you can start to take better care of yourself. I don't think "Sparking" has as much to do with being really active on SP; it has to do with your state of mind and how you live your daily life. You have clearly learned a lot over the past 3 years and you are FAR from defeated.

    If you read my recent blogs, you can see I was really struggling for a while, for the past 5 months. I did my best, but I felt like sh!t most of the time, wasn't doing my martial arts training as I should have, and I did gain some weight. But I KNEW deep down inside that I would be "back", that I would start an upward swing at some point. It was only because of what I have learned about myself over the past few years that I was able to have that kind of hope during such a dark time; the "old me" would have continued to spiral downwards.

    A roiling fire starts from the tiniest spark. Sometimes that spark needs to be carefully tended and sometimes it takes a while to burst into bright flames. You have been doing the best you can given where you are right now and you deserve a lot of credit for that. I hope you stick around. If you want an accountability buddy or someone to check in with, I would be happy to be there.
    1811 days ago
  • LADYJ6942
    Don't throw in the towel just yet. There are so many teams to offer support and so very many individuals. So that team isn't posting much, maybe shut it down and form a new one or redirect your energy back into yourself and turn your gain around.

    Keep pushuing!
    1811 days ago
  • ROCKLAND2010
    Don't be so hard on yourself. I try not to focus on weight or size or what I'm NOT doing. Think about what you have accomplished. Did you drink 8 glasses of water or try some new fitness activity? We are all here to help.
    emoticon
    1811 days ago
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.
 

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