200,000-249,999 SparkPoints 212,198

Does Not Play Well With Others

Monday, July 01, 2013

Only a friend can betray a friend,
a stranger has nothing to gain.
Only a friend comes close enough
to ever cause so much pain.
(lyrics from "Why" - Michael Card,
lyrics taken completely out of context)

I think I'm gonna change my user name to HellCat
and use this as my profile picture:

or maybe this one:

and this for my SparkPage background

Okay, that's my feeble attempt at humor. The best I can do today, after little/no sleep last night. No one was harmed, and there's no need for gory details. The rest of the babbling here is for me, for the record.

I still don't know why it happened, but I got blindsided (emotionally speaking) by my closest friend last night.

Just when the stab wounds (again, emotionally speaking) from the knives in my back had healed (from my former best friend, 11 years ago), the attack came right at the heart. I allowed myself to trust, to be vulnerable again, and I was caught without my armor.

Although the encounter caught me totally off guard, I am proud of how I handled myself during and after the encounter. I'm giving myself a pat on the back for this because it shows much personal growth.

* I was angry, but I spoke my piece clearly. (Before, I would suppress my anger, clam up and withdraw.)

* My words were measured (well, maybe not so much the decibel level), but I was true to myself (values) and to what I believe to be truth. (Before, I would be so confused/afraid I couldn't think straight.)

* I didn't say anything that I now regret.

* I did not retaliate to the hurtful words spoken against me, and I did not feel the need to defend myself.

* Although I do not believe I was wrong (but I didn't state that then), I was the first to apologize because I value the relationship.

* I am able to separate the feelings I have for this person from the dislike I have for their actions and words.

* I recognize that it is not my job to 'fix' whatever is going on in their head to cause such an episode.

So, I guess I chalk it up to a growing experience for the relationship.
And for myself, personally, a major step in my journey to health.

I have NOT eaten the pan of brownies in the kitchen , emoticon
but I am wondering if a person can OD on watermelon . . . . emoticon

So, my journey towards health also includes learning about who I am. Sometimes as we grow, like when a toddler is learning to walk, or learning to ride a bicycle, it's not graceful.

I am proud of myself in clarifying what is important to me, even if it means setting boundaries that excludes things and/or people that mean a lot to me.

Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1787 days ago
    I'm proud of the way you handled a bad situation. It's always best to get things out in the open and discuss them. You need to be fair to yourself and not just worry about others. You are a super blog writer!!!! emoticon
    1787 days ago
  • GABY1948
    I am SO sorry you had to go through this by you did emoticon and the right thing!

    I agree with the other remarks below so won't repeat...but you ROCKED with your handling of the situation! emoticon
    1787 days ago
    The most important thing you said was "I didn't say anything I regret". That way you have one pain instead of two. We have no control over other people, places or things, only ourselves.
    1787 days ago
    I think we've all been there - you may have a friend that you valued for years (maybe less time) and, for whatever reason, things change. I had two friends that I don't talk to or interact with anymore because they are toxic and made me feel bad about myself - actually saying hurtful things.

    I don't regret the fact that I choose to cut them off, so to speak.

    there are a lot of people out there in the world that deserve you - Pat
    1787 days ago
    I have never found a single person, including myself that doesn't at one time or another hurt a friend. It seems to be part of the circle of friendship. You were emoticon the way you separated the value you place on the relationship from the incident. Its happened to me just lately as well and I know how hard it is to take the step of saying out what you feel and think, being true to yourself instead of hiding them and stuffing food down on top of them a big KUDOS to you for handling it as you did emoticon
    IKacey co-leader of the Chair Exercise Team
    1787 days ago
    I am really proud of the way you handled this, and hoping I can do half as well in a current painful and awkward situation.
    1787 days ago
    ...there's brownies in the kitchen? Can I be your new best friend?
    1788 days ago
    betrayal is a horriable feeling. it is hard to destress when you cant talk to that person for comfort. i sometimes wish i had more close friends and family to talk to but i fell like they leave me out of the loop a lot.
    1788 days ago
    Good for you! Learning from things that happen to us and around us is how we grow as people. Glad you stood up for yourself and didn't climb into your shell. We can never tell for sure what goes on in another person's mind. Maybe your friend has other things going on in their life and is trajecting it on to you. Sorry that it was so painful for you. I hope your friendship can grow from this though. emoticon
    1788 days ago
    What's the point of playing well with others if you can't be yourself, and true to yourself, while doing so. Sounds like you handled this with maturity, aplomb, and class. Pat yourself on the back. Go on! Do it! You may feel unsettled by this episode for awhile, but that probably can't be avoided. I've never heard of anyone OD-ing on watermelon, so you're probably okay.
    emoticon emoticon emoticon

    1788 days ago
    Good for you. You are the better person for controlling your feelings. It's not easy, for most people, to hold their real feeling inside. You are emoticon
    1788 days ago
    Cat--I like that you said you did not say anything you would regret ......... that is great! ......... Hearing this made me think of an old jingle ......... about 'Only hurting the ones you love' .......... You are right: a stranger is ambivalent ....... So sorry this mishap occurred ............ But I think your page was just fine and you don't need to add anything new like "Does not play well' etc ..................... It always takes two and obviously this peep had some festering going on .......... emoticon
    1788 days ago
    Yup, go with Mark Twain !!

    Sounds like you handled yourself well. Much better than I probably would have.
    There are many friends out there, but not many "true" friends.

    Watch your back, and keep believing in yourself, and your values. emoticon
    1788 days ago
    Wow. I can relate. Be proud of you.
    Watch out for the watermelon emoticon
    1788 days ago
  • --KREN
    * I am able to separate the feelings I have for this person from the dislike I have for their actions and words.

    Now that's a good one. And a hard one. I have a friend whom I've finally learned to deal with by remembering that she's pretty much full of ****, so what comes out of her mouth is to be ignored. Other than that, she's fun to be around, lol. No perfect people out there.

    1788 days ago
    1788 days ago
    This blog is a great way to vent and try to clear you head and the hurt in your heart. Everyone has already said all I could think of so just know that I am in your corner and I can personally attest to what you are feeling emoticon
    1788 days ago
    So sorry you had this unfortunate 'event' in your life. From your blog, it sounds like you handled everything perfectly. I think you deserve an award for not eating those brownies!

    1788 days ago
  • 123ELAINE456
    You handled Yourself and the Situation Very Well. I like the Quotes very much. Try to get some sleep tonight though. You will feel better tomorrow after some rest. We are here for You. You are Such a Wonderful Person for something like this to happen too. God Blessings to You and Everyone. Have a Wonderful Week. Take Care. Hugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    1788 days ago

    Comment edited on: 7/1/2013 6:14:38 PM
    I'm so sorry you had to be treated like this. You are a wonderful person. You can make it through this. Here for you if you need me.
    1788 days ago
  • KACAR51
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1788 days ago
    1788 days ago
    Glad your handled the situation in the way that felt right for you.
    1788 days ago
    Go with Mark Twain! A very shrewd man.
    So sorry this has happened but now that you have cleared
    the air, let's hope it is all behind you. HUGS!
    1788 days ago
    Love your humour, by the way. I am sorry to hear of this painful event for you. It happens though, and I'm glad you stood your ground. Congratulations on holding enough calm not to say hurtful or regretful things. When I'm stung like that - I have seldom shown any grace. Good for you for not only handling yourself well, but also for recognizing that you did. Sometimes it's really hard to see clearly when your eyes and your heart are full of tears. At least you can hold your head up!

    This may even be an opportunity for the whole relationship to grow yet. I hope your friend is even half as reflective as you are!

    emoticon emoticon
    1788 days ago
    Way to stand up for yourself! Friendships can not grow if we can not be free to speak our minds. Of course, tone of voice and volume can be helpful, or detrimental. As with everything else, balance is important. Hope your relationships flourishes, even if it needs a little pruning and weeding now and then. Better that than too much fertilizer (B.S.). emoticon

    I LOVE Michael Card's music! It is so rare that I come across anyone else who is familiar with him. I still catch my self randomly singing songs he put out 30+ years ago. Guess they are just written on my heart.
    1788 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.