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July 1 - Reach Out...

Monday, July 01, 2013

It has been a long while since I have been on SP with any regularity, since I've blogged, since I've exercised, since I've taken this journey to health seriously. The result is that I've gained more weight than I care to admit, and worse, I find my body just aches under the strain of the extra weight and inactivity.

So yesterday, I decided that I needed to make a change, to get back to a routine. I got up this morning and I rode my exercise bike for 10 minutes, and I also texted a friend with whom I have discussed walking, and we are scheduled to do so tonight, weather permitting. This morning, I packed a healthy lunch and healthy snacks, and today I am making a concerted effort to drink lots of water. Of course, the cost of drinking lots of water is many trips to the bathroom, but I am dealing with that.

One of the things that I have always found motivational is to blog my way through a Sparkpeople calendar. Each day, I read the advice and comment upon it. I find it's a way to keep myself engaged with Spark. So I found SP's July calendar, 31 Days to Less Stress, and here I am. I don't think that stress is my biggest issue right now, but we could all use less stress, so I'm all in.

I guess the first thing I should talk about is that my brother-in-law Bob, whose illness has brought me here looking for prayers fairly often in the last years, passed away in mid-May. Losing him, and watching the impact on my sister, my niece, his brothers, my mom, my son and my husband, as well as countless other family members and friends, has probably been the most difficult thing I have ever experienced in my life. He was just a prince of a man, and I could write about him for hours and not say enough. Suffice to say that saying he will be missed is the single greatest understatement I could ever express.

So of course, having experienced that loss has thrown me off my game. And I have recognized that for a long time now, but yesterday, I was outside on our deck, reading while my husband and son were in the pool, playing horse with the poolisde basketball and net we have. The ball bounced to just underneath the chair I was on, and I cannot even begin to relate the difficulty I had moving my body so that I could get it for them. At that point, I decided, enough is enough. So here I am, ready to get back to my journey.

Today's entry on the 31 Days to Less Stress calendar is to:

Reach out. Develop a network of friends and family who you can rely on and confide in. Call or visit them when you need to talk or vent. By sharing and listening, they will help you calm down.

Well, as I said a bit earlier, I'm not sure it's really stress that is eating at me these days (pardon the imprecise statement, as nothing is eating at me these days, instead I am eating at everything), it is certainly more grief than stress, but I do have to reach out more. I find myself bottling up my feelings, partly because as I look around, just about everyone in my circle is grieving, and to express my grief feels like I am just burdening them more. So I have to reach outside of that huge circle to others who are not grieving. And I do have friends that fit that description, and I have tried to maintain those connections, even though all I want to do is stay home and grieve. I pledge to continue to do this, and to remember that now more importantly than ever, I must commit to being healthy and well, not only physically, but also mentally and emotionally. And so I make that committment today.

Day one, in the process of being. The biggest baby step I have ever made. It feels good.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Same here.... you've continued to be in my prayers as well. So nice to see you back at it today! I think you might find more through the July stress-walk than you imagine...grief definitely was a stress point for me with my mom's death and then my dad's issues for several years following.
    2708 days ago
    T... emoticon You've been really heavy on my heart, girlfriend. It looks like it's too hard or you're too weak to hang on, but you're doing it. Reaching out's never been my strong point but SP people I've met here has made that so much more possible for me to learn. Grief takes a long time to finally function semi-normal, and you're still so freshly there in Bob's last moments that I'm amazed at how you've been able to come by and share what you're thinking and how you are feeling and... grasping for a hold...

    I'm not physically by your side, T, but my heart is holding on to you tightly. I think your July plan is a good solid plan. No, I don't think it's stress as much as terrible grieving right now, but even grieving is not the whole core of it. You're reaching for more than just getting up on that bike or walking - awesome physical focus' but in order to rid it of controlling your life, you've got to sit down and put it out on paper. Brainstorm why you're not happy with you. Make the list of pros and cons and what ***baby*** steps you'll begin to break the bad habits.

    I know you already know all this *stuff* T, but I also know that we can have all the knowledge and still barely make a dent because we're either, not digging down inside ourselves deep enough, or... we don't have all the planning phases in sync... or worse... we got through the phases and missed something in the maintenance. What ever it is... we're back at that planning stage. There's triggers down there inside of us and certain things set 'em off. We have to FIND what they are and disarm them and sometimes we need each other to do that.

    Thanks for coming back to us, T. Missed you more than words can say. emoticon
    2708 days ago
    Tina - you have been in my thoughts and prayers even though we haven't "seen" you here. Remember that you have a great circle of friends here to help you too. You can do it!
    2708 days ago
    Tina, I am so glad to see that you have not totally given up on yourself and you are back.

    Detours/road blocks can be hard on a healthier lifestyle journey, but as long as you find a way back you hopefully will be better prepared for the next detour.

    2708 days ago
  • EWL978
    Welcome home!!
    2708 days ago
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